Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss November 08

[Zachary's Mom]

Mel1979 - I am so sorry for your difficulties. I shouldn't be so selfish when you have been trying for so long. Soul destroying is such an accurate description. I nev er thought I would ever be going on this journey. I would not have survived the last 5 months without my DP - he has been my rock and my life line. W are both so lucky to have such loving and caring partners. I am an emotional soul so letting the tears flow is not hard for me. I haven't been able to picture myself with a new baby yet - I keep imagining holding my Zacaray and wishing he was here. We wanted him so much and both our families were so excited to have a grandson whom they could spoil - it is just so unfair and I have that ever burning question of WHY? I hope 2009 is your year too - I know you deserve it and I will hold you in my thoughts and wishes every time I wish the same for us.

pl1805 - Thank you for your kind words - I had my "ugly cry" tonight - thank goodness I have such a wonderful partner as he just held me and let me go with it. I know what you are saying about hating - I hate myself for not knowing there was something wrong with Zachary, I hate my body for not giving me any warning signs and for not giving me my healty son, I hate the world for taking someone so precious away from me. At least we know there is hope and we just have to try and stay strong.

HannahD - I am sorry we are all experiencing the taunting of AF. I hope you have some joy and good news in your life soon. Maybe 2009 will be a year we can all celebrate in.

So ladies - thank you for giving me support - I really needed that. I might just take some time and shed a few more tears in bed tonight.

to you all

[Mel1979]

Theresa - You are not being selfish at all. We may have been trying for longer but you lost your little angel at 35 weeks. I was 6 weeks when I m/c and although it was devastating and the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced I can't imagine how you survived going through what you did.

Holding you and your DP in my thoughts and wishing the very best for you both. We have to cling to the hope that one day we will be celebrating the birth of our healthy baby with our partners and families.

HannahD - I too am angry at my body. I told my best friend the other day that I wanted to trade my body in for a new one!

plc - Thanks for hanging around in this thread to give us hope.

I 2009 is the year for us all - we all deserve some happiness and would all make wonderful mothers!

[mumstheword]

Toccara - I am so sorry It sux what some people says doesn't it?
Indy - Congratulations
Mannie - It is hard but your bub is waiting for you in Heaven as mine is also
Fificlaire- Great news about the scan hope you feel better soon.
Hannah - I know what you mean about the need to be pregnant, although I have my 2 boys after m/c I wanted to be pregnant agin straightaway but DH wanted to wait a few months
Tam- Great news about your u/s

[mumstheword]

Issy - on your bt results
Mel - I have a feeling my DH will also want to wrap me in cotton wool when I get pregnant also. Isn't it sweet how they after us
Polly & Theresa - sorry for your loss you are amongst great friends and ladies here
Zachary's Mom - Sorry AF showed up
Smi - congratulations on your
Tempas - I am so sorry
AJC - Hope all went well and as planned

[mumstheword]

AF arrived on 5th so I think is up on 2 Jan if I O on CD17 (as I usually do), but am sure I can squeeze in one on 31 . Am also getting cramping but not due for AF or O yet unless I O early (bring it on )
Boobs are a little tender today stupid body going funny havent even O'd yet
I just keep reminding myself that I have my boys and others don't have even that
Yesterday I was getting sharp pains in my left side just below my ribs and today I am getting the same but in the right. Can anyone tell me if that is O pain or just me?
FF says my lp is 11 days so does that mean that I can do a HPT 11 DPO to get an accurate result?

[jen805]

Oh, Indy.... I'm so, so sorry to hear about your loss! I wish there were something that I could say or do that could help take away your pain.... you're in my prayers, hon.



WTH--I have been a busy bee! And, yes, I did get my free slice of pizza--and a soda, too! I told them that you said I deserved it! lol.... Wish I could help you with your spotting question... sorry.



HannahD--Thanks! Actually, I think that part of why I enjoy doing all the work at the school is because it actually DOES get acknowledged! Not only that, but appreciated, as well... makes it worth all the hard work! Hope you enjoy your visit with your mother and brother-in-law.



Mannie--Will say lots of for some great BT results! Good luck with the OB specialist! *hugs*



Mel--Do I ever sleep? I do, actually... it's sittingI have a hard time doing! And if I actually DO get to sit... I always fall asleep!

That's good news about your BT results. At least now you know for sure that you're O'ing.... and you're probably right that you've just missed it for the last 4 mo's, because you thought you were O'ing when you weren't!!

Have to say that "soul destroying" is probably the best description I've ever heard for a m/c, and the whole TTC journey in general. *sigh* I'm so sorry that we all have to experience this Christmas without our little angel babies!

One last thing... never be sorry for a long post--they're the best!



Zachary's Mom--Aww, hon... so sorry to hear about AF. She's such a royal pain in the a$$! She's come to visit me, as well.... grrrr! On the bright side, looks like we're AF buddies! I would also like to let you know that you don't sound selfish at all--not even in the slightest bit! I've experienced 4 m/c's myself... but they were all pretty early losses.... not that it makes it less devastating, but I just couldn't imagine the pain and feeling of loss at almost 36 weeks! Nobody deserves to suffer a loss such as any of us have... the self-anger/hate.... it's all completely normal... it will get better, I promise! Just try hard to remember that it's not your fault, tho, so please don't beat yourself up over it!



mumstheword--I would assume that if FF says your LP is 11 days, you should get an accurate result on 11PDO.... when does FF say you should test? Hope your TWW ends with a BFP! *fingers crossed!*

[jen805]

Hey smi! Hope you're having a great weekend and enjoying your early Christmas present!



mollycat--Hey, mate! I enjoyed our chat on Fri.--it's been so long since we all happened to be there at the same time!!



Toccara--Hey, hon... how's it going? Miss hearing from you, and I hope you're doing ok--I think about you all the time! *hugs*



issy, Megsmum, & Tam-- Sending lots of bellyrubs and



Easha--Hey you! Hope things are well with you!



Ruthie--Thinking of you, as well... hope things worked out for your DH, and he was able to find some work. You're in my prayers! *hugs*



MO3B--Got your card on Friday! Love the postcard you put inside--what a great idea! I wish I would've thought to do that, too! And the poem inside.... Thanks so much! I completely feel the same way! *kiss*



tempus--Big for you, hon.... been thinking about you a lot. Hope you're doing ok.



jenushka--Love little Bean's new pic! I'm so happy for you, hon! *hugs*



Krystie, fifi, plc, Angel, mollycat--Had such a great day Friday after our chat! It's a great way to start the day! Love you all lots! *kisses*



tutmae--Hey stranger! How's that little baby girl growing? Sending lots of Miss you, girl!



tina, pbstar, joey, larz, Rachel S, & Leyza-- and lots of bellyrubs!!!

[mumstheword]

Jen - I only have the version of FF and as a far as I know it doesnt tell you when to test

[Mel1979]

mumstheword - You need to be a VIP member on FF before it will tell you when you can test. I used to be a VIP member but have let it run out as I have stopped charting for the time being. Trying to forget about things in the hope it will happen when we least expect it

Jen - Yeah, I thought 'soul destroying' was a perfect way to describe it. I love our FS, he is so compassionae and understands how we feel. Glad to hear you do manage to get some sleep and that you got your slice of pizza - well deserved!

smi - How are you doing? I haven't got my lupus results yet but if I do have it seeing your BFP has made me feel so much better and given me hope.

HannahD - Hope you're enjoying having your guests, at least it might keep you busy. I try to keep busy these days so I don't 'dwell' on things. Not that there is anything wrong with having those moments! I find the hardest time is when I am driving to work by myself and I have too much time to think!

Ruthie - How is everything going? I hope DH has managed to find some work. Thinking of you both.

Mannie & Toccara - Hope you are both taking the time to heal .

Issy, Megsmum & Tam83 - *stickybvibes*

Zachary's mum (Theresa) - How are you feeling today? I hope that some of the fog has started to lift. Remember to take all the time you need to heal. We are all here whenever you need us.

to anyone else who may be lurking.

AFM - Went out to lunch today with my parents and also the in laws to celebrate Christmas. They all get on really well which is nice. Feeling very emotional this weekend and not coping too well. Tried to put on a brave face all through lunch. Then a woman walked in holding a newborn and I just felt such an ache and the tears welled up, luckily I had my sunglasses on so no-one could see.

I hate that I am like this at the moment, it isn't me. I am usually such a happy, easy going person and would never feel jealous or bitter towards anyone under normal circumstances. I know I have to let myself feel what I need to I do but I don't have to like it!

Anyway that's enough of a whinge from me!

Babydust & Stickyvibes to everyone!

[Indy]

Hello all,
Thinking of you and and thanking you for all your kind words and thoughts. Well, my Dr was very nice on Friday, very sympathetic, and gave me an immediate refferal to a guy who he believes to be good, so we'll see what happens. I tried to make an appointment on Friday, but too much to expect for a specialists office to be open on a Fri afternoon
So we will see...
Have thrown myself into Christmas prep to forget what has been happening, DH has been wonderful and so have all your thoughts. Thinking of you all, and think it is pretty sucky that any of us have to go through this. I'm going to be pretty quiet for a bit I think, gone from angry to sad now, and need to get to the place where I can say 'third time lucky' and start looking forward again. Maybe after seeing the FS.
Take care all,
Indy

[MaternalBride]

Can I please join?

We are TTC our first baby after a missed miscarriage early October this year (we were due mid-March 09). This is our second cycle and I'm 2 DPO... I'm finding TTC after our loss so difficult and different. I feel like I'm merely existing until I am pregnant again and I feel like it's going to be forever until we're holding our baby in our arms.

[Mel1979]

Hi Maternal Bride - I am so sorry for your loss. As much as I wish you didn't have to be here we welcome everyone and hope we can offer hope and support on your TTC journey.

You will find the ladies here are just wonderful. I only joined in October and I am not sure how I would've gotten through the last couple of months without all of them and my fantastic DH of course.

Every one of us on this thread understands what you have been and are going through and I think (and hope) you will find it comforting to be able to share your fears and feelings throughout your TTC journey.

Best of luck and I hope your stay here is short.

[MaternalBride]

Thank you so much. I really hope that I can help in some small way too.

I'll just share a snapshot of my story - I was 13.5 weeks when I found out we had lost our son (he had passed away around 11.5 weeks) but my body had continued to grow and my placenta and amniotic fluid was as if I was still 13.5 weeks pregnant. I waited to miscarry naturally and birthed his body intact within his membranes after an 8 hour labouring process (I birthed the placenta an hour later which was the hardest part). He was tiny and perfect and it was so difficult (both physically and emotionally) but the most beautiful ending to a heartbreaking situation. We miscarried the day after our wedding (hence the name Maternal Bride) when I would have been 16.5 weeks.

Everyone seems so lovely and I look forward to getting to know you all better but hope we're all out of here sooner rather than later. Although I wish we weren't in this situation, I feel really lucky to have people who understand how hard TTC after loss can be to share this with.

I'm due to test on Christmas Day so I really hope we get good news.

[plc1805]

I feel like I'm merely existing until I am pregnant again and I feel like it's going to be forever until we're holding our baby in our arms.

I remember that feeling very much - of merely existing until pg again - and that is an excellent way of describing it. Honey, it wasn't forever until I conceived again and I sure do wish the same for you. Big hugs hun - u found the wonderful girls in here and ul get thru this.

[Zachary's Mom]

Welcome Maternal bride. This is a wonderful forum with some amazing people. We are TTC and it feels like it will never happen.I lost my baby boy at 35 weeks and 5 days - it willl be 5 months on Christmas Eve - it feels like yesterday and I struggle daily with his loss. I hope you find some comfort here.

Mel1979 - I have been okay today. I think I lost 1kg doing housework and sweating in this heat and humidity - that's the Gold Coast for you. The tonight I went to pieces again. I just sobbed and sobbed at not being able to hold my boy and celebrate Christmas. I never quite realised this would be so hard.

jen805 - thanks for your support. I am not coping very well at the moment and I feel like I have taken a few steps backwards. I just wish it didn't hurt so much...

Take care everyone xxxx

[smilanatu]

mumsthe word...thank you! We feel so blessed! I've got my fingers crossed for your TWW

jen...Hey Gurlie! It still feels so very surreal to me...my only symptoms are no AF and peeing around the clock...I wish for m/s and sore boobs! LOL...seriously

Mel...I am praying for your sake the Lupus results are in your favor...I am happy to oblige hope anytime *wink* I actually had no problems getting or staying pregnant until the last 5 or 6 years...maybe because I'm older...

Alrighty ladies I am about to lie down and watch some football...enjoy your day!

[MaternalBride]

I remember that feeling very much - of merely existing until pg again - and that is an excellent way of describing it. Honey, it wasn't forever until I conceived again and I sure do wish the same for you. Big hugs hun - u found the wonderful girls in here and ul get thru this.

Thank you hun... I know it won't be forever but the days are so slow and it's so frustrating living in two week increments.

[Where there's hope]

Zachary's Mum - I am sorry for your heartbreak PLC has summed everything up so well. And looking at her ticker is a great help to me.

Maternal Bride - What a difficult time you have had. From the elation of your wedding day to the loss of your child. You are very strong and brave to have given birth naturally like that. I hope we can help you here and look forward to seeing a BFP in your signature sometime soon.

Mel - I know exactly how you feel. Everywhere I go I see lovely big bellies or hear a newborn crying. There is just no escaping it. I just tell myself it will be my turn again soon. Can't wait for the stretchmarks, backache and MS!

Indy - look after yourself. Understand you needing some time out. Hope you have a lovely Christmas

MumsTheWord - I have had a positive BT as early as 9dpo and HPT as early as 12/13 dpo (verrrrry faint). In the latter the test was mean't to be very sensitive at 25 units, yet the BT that day revealed I was something like 131! Problem I have found with FF is that for the first couple of cycles it makes you test late at something like 18 dpo until it understands your cycle. Have you been using FF for long?

Jen - Glad you got the pizza. Perhaps see if dropping my name will get you in the movies for free next time? BTW I voted for my favourite mod today. But if there was a category for "prettiest and most thoughtful and inclusive posts" you would get my vote

Smi and PLC -

AFM - I cannot believe the weekend is already over but have certainly worked off a kilo or two. After three months of IVF, I almost forgot the way that regular people made babies. But it all came back to me...