I just want to start by saying how fantastic all you girls are. It is truly awful that you have all had to go through such an awful loss or losses and each and every one of you are just so lovely. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last few months if it wasn't for you girls. I really do wish better things for all of you.

BekZ - thanks for being concerned about me. With so few people IRL aware of what I have been going through, it really does help to know that people are thinking of me and understand how I am feeling. I am so so happy about your BFP and really hope, no, I know, that this will be the sticky one you have been after. My psych has given me a relaxation CD to listen to everyday (although I haven't had time in a couple of days), and techniques to help me relax. DH is not impressed with the idea of doing it with me, although I have tried! Do you know anything about macca root? I found some vitex the other day (thanks for writing about it - I would never have found it otherwise), but I didn't end up getting any - thought I would talk to my RE next time I see him. I have been taking Mega B for the last three months which was recommended. Do you know anything about it?

Herbie - you can pay different amounts depending on when you want the package to arrive. I paid the smaller amount and it was supposed to take about 7 days but I had my package in 3 days!

mummyto1 - I have thought about alternative therapies, but am really not sure where to start. How is the clomid going? I wish my specialist would put me on it - hopefully after this cycle it will be apparent whether I need it or not. Do you find that it makes you O earlier or changes your cycle? My cycle is too long and irreg and with the m/cs I keep having, I can't help thinking this is the problem, so I really want it prescribed to me. I just need to convince my specialist of that!

Sp - how frustrating about your OB appointment - I would be so annoyed!!! I don't really have any advice to give you, but I feel your annoyance. Maybe they can squeeze you in if you keep hassling them. Do you think you will start TTC anyway, even if you can't get in? I don't know what to do about testing next time - the pg symptoms I get are so strong that I know I am pg anyway, and I feel that I should find out for certain so I can begin to eat/drink, etc, like a pg person so my bub has the best chance at being healthy. I think we will try again this cycle, but I am not holding out much hope for a sticky bub. I didn't test til 13DPO last time and got AF 4 days later, so maybe next time I will try not to test until I am a few days late? If I can hold out that long.

Of course, I am still feeling down, but getting there. I told my mum about the latest one on the weekend and she didn't have anything to say. I suppose there isn't really anything to say, but I really didn't feel supported or any better having told her. People just don't understand. I am also extremely upset about my friend who is pg. She has been lying to me for three weeks about it, and I mean telling me stuff about fertility appointments and that she doesn't expect to fall for another few months, etc, and all along she has been pg! I am so very hurt by that. She and her DH are the only people we really talk to IRL about our difficulties and I am just so upset that she has been lying to me. We usually see them and look after their kids all the time (they live up the road), and now I can't even bring myself to talk to her. I know I shouldn't blame her - it is their decision when they tell people, and it is v early, but they have known all about our problems, and about our pgs from the v beginning, and I would expect that she would turn to me if something happened with her pg, not just not even tell me about it. I know it's silly, but I am almost as hurt by this as I am about our latest loss, and both having happened in the last week, I am really struggling. And I am not even mentioning how hard it is going to be seeing them all the time as her tummy grows when my babies just die.