Hello lovely ladies I am glad I am not alone in all my feelings everyone else seems to be sharing very similar feelings wow I am not such a freak after all yay. Well the week started off well then at 4am yesturday morning my phone started buzzing it was my cousin she had her baby and then she told me she had called her the same name that we had chosen early in our pregnancy sorry Sally I know your beautiful angel was also Lilli(I had told her she is like a sis) so the week has been a roller coaster dh and dc are upset also we were healing and it feels live another hit to the stomach while everything is raw and I like to think it wasn't done to be hurttful I am sure it wasn't and I probably sound like a horrible person but I so needed it off my chest I just feel lucky she lives 3 hours away as I don't think I could face the family bizzare thing is they were all here for me 2 years ago when I nursed my mum with cancer, they helped me cope I don't know it's just all a little too hard right now I hope tomorrow is a better day I am looking forward to next week I will be throwing heaps of around goodnight and take care everyone and sorry for the rant.