Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 08 #2

[jen805]

Babyfever--:goodluck2: with your results on Monday... sorry you have to wait over the weekend. At least by then the numbers should've increased if you are pg!



Tam--:woot: Congrats on DH's results!



Me--I don't think I'll be POAS... I've been crampy all day, so I'm sure that fatty fat face AF will come knocking soon. If I had higher temps I'd be more optimistic, but comparing this month to the previous, it's pretty close to the same... *sigh*



mollycat--Hope you enjoy your Anniversary! The story of your friend was so sad! Your whole family must have just been in shock! I hope that despite the sad memories this weekend brings, you're able to enjoy your special day with your DH.... I truly feel that your friend would want you to celebrate her life by enjoying the day of your marriage. Big, big

[jen805]

jenushka--We must have posted at the same time! Not really sure how far Napa Valley is, but I live in wine country, so there's tons of wineries around here! Buggers that I don't drink wine! That's kinda like working in a cigarette shop when you don't smoke! Or working in a bar when you don't drink alcohol!

I hope DH gets to come with you for your appt. next week. But like you said, if not, we'll all be there with you in spirit! Ask Angel, Krystie and I were just with her at her eggie scan! I remember how tough it was for you last time, but at least you had some questions answered, so I hope you find some closure again this time. We'll be here for a big afterwards!

[jen805]

Toccara--Thinking of you! Is DH visiting for the weekend?



Krystie--Special for you and little Chyan! Am very impressed that little Chyan already has more brain cells than Paris Hilton! LC (little Chyan) can you say "that's hot"?

So how did those tic tacs work on your nausea? Hope you're feeling better! *kiss*

[anneebee3]

Hi girls. This is my first time to use a forum (yes I?m a virgin forum user at 34 ? pretty sad I know). However, I?ve read hundreds of forums over the past few months. This forum is the one that I continue to come back to because of the love and support that you ladies embrace each other with.

I have been trying not to bother people with the emotional roller coaster ride that I?m living through at the moment, but in this forum you ladies have shown me that you can just let out all your emotions and everyone totally understands the feelings each other is experiencing. I must admit that I have been crying and laughing with you ladies in silence for too long.

I come here with an open (but broken) heart. Like everyone here I lost my angel, to an ectopic pregnancy. The devastation is unbelievable. The doctors have given the green light to start trying again, but unfortunately we were unsuccessful this month (our first month trying again), which has started another flood of emotions. Poor DH.

Then I found out that my friend is pregnant and her baby is due the same week our baby was. You ladies have been talking about the ?ugly cry? this week. Well I?ve gotta tell you my poor DH copped the biggest ugly cry this week that I have ever done in public. I felt like Linda Blair on the Exorcist with my head trying to uncontrollably swing sideway while I?m making this horrific noise (and at times no noise just a huge open mouth), not to mention what my face must look like. It was this incident that has lead me here, because I know that I need the support of you ladies who understand where I?m at emotionally and to help me heal. I also want to support you girls too, because I believe that is part of my healing process.

Thanks for listening. Sorry my post turned into a short novel. I would just like to give you all a big for all your loses and the crazy times we are all going through.

[jen805]

Hi anneebee-- I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your angel baby and your fallopian tube. I'm glad, tho, that you found an open window to our little thread, and you've been able to see how understanding and supportive everyone is around here. I hope we can help you in finding some light at the end of the tunnel. It made me smile to read that you've been "crying and laughing with us in silence". It's kinda like you already know us! I look forward to getting to know you on this journey that brings us here together!

[anneebee3]

Hi Jen. Here's a big straight back at ya. From all the posts I've been reading on this forum you surely are one of the rocks. You are always so positive and optomistic. I've noticed that the girls turn to you in need. You're a real treasure for this forum.

My first BIG crying session on this forum was for Ruthie. I really hope she's ok. Ruthie I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know that everyone is different, but i would like to know how long I will continue to mourn for my angel. It's been 3 months since I lost her and I can still cry at a drop of hat for her. Does it get better once I'm pregnant again or once I've got a baby in my arms or do I mourn for her for the rest of my life?

plc - Congratulations on your little girl and thank you for being here for me. Your post was very comforting. However understanding everyone is on this forum, i'm still glad you girls will never EVER see my ugly cry. hahaha. Can you answer my mourning question? Has being pregnant helped let go of your angels?

[Baby Angels]

Ok.... well this my last post until Tuesday...... Wont be near the computer tomorrow and Monday is IUI day and then home to bed with a movie.....

anneebee3.....sorry to see you here but welcome..... I have to confess to laughing at your post... obviously not in a mean way... I was laughing at the way you discribed your Ugly cry... funny how I dont have a clue what you look like yet I can pitcure you doing it.. head back and forth.. it made me laugh..... I suppose thats one of the great things about us in here... we understand.. we dont underestimate how painful it is... but we can try and find something to soften the pain..... humour is the most common one that helps to soften... so is being there for others and knowing they are there for you..... So welcome.... I dont always laugh.....but you made me laugh today.

Welcome hun.. and hopefully you wont be here long

Ohhh and anneebee3.......... the fog will lift hun... I promise.... its ONE DAY AT A TIME..... ONE BREATH AT A TIME..... ONE MOMENT AT A TIME....then one day the fog will lift and you will be able to "be" a little easier......

[anneebee3]

Thank you Angel. I'm glad you are laughing today. Laughing is one of my favourite things to do. I've got a really loud, santa belly wobbling laugh, where I find myself leaning backwards holding my stomach. One of those laughs where you get weird looks from people because it's just too loud. I was told once by a work mate that said she always knew where I was in the office because she could hear me laughing.

I've also been told that laughing attracts angels into your life because angels love to be around joy and positivity. Now that I've got my own little angel up there I need to make sure I keep laughing so she will want to hang out with me every day. Come to think of it, laughing brought you (Angel) to me today, so it must be true.

Here's a big for Monday. I'll be thinking of you. Just in case it's true have a big laugh before you go to your appointment so that your little angels are with you and can help you.

[~ Mylitta ~]

Anneebee - Please excuse Jen. Apparently she didn't realise that not only is the window open to our thread, but the door is wide open too! Feel free to come in the door rather than trying to climb through the window But you are totally right; Jen is our rock, and Angel is our God-send with her words. Well, they definitely were for me anyway. Then you have the rest of our gorgeous crew who act as the perfect backup. While I'm terribly sorry for the events that have led you to search for us, I am so very glad that you found us.

To answer your question about grieving time and if it gets better once you are pregnant again...? I think the grieving process is different for everyone. I am now lucky enough to have a baby growing in my belly, and yet a couple of days ago I still found myself weeping quietly for my angel baby. It doesn't mean I love this little bundle any less, but I still love the baby that I'll never get to hold in my arms, only in my heart. Lucky my heart is nice and big and there is plenty of room for both my angel baby, my little chyan, and for all the lovely girls in here

Good luck on your journey sweetie!


Oh and Jen, you had me cracking up with your "that's hot" comment!!! I had to tell DH why I was laughing!

PS. Telling my parents today! We were planning on waiting until after next friday's scan, but I don't think I can hide the morning sickness. They would have gotten suspicious when I don't go to work tomorrow too, lol. DH's family are getting told second as punishment for trying to spoil the surprise and being so suspicious already Also, it's the first grandchild for my family, and the 6th for DH's, so it's only fair that my family get the "surprise" first

[plc1805]

anneebee3 - welcome hun. I found the support of this thread a life-saver when I was TTC and even tho I am now pg I find it hard to leave and try to still support the girls as much as I can. The memory of what I emotionally went thru each month before my BFP finally came is still so raw and fresh in my memory. I don't think you ever forget the extreme desperation, frustration, anger, disappointment, hopelessness feelings associated with TTC, let alone enduring the loss of an angel before you were able to hold them in your arms. Not even what I said here adequately describes the feelings. I know about that horrible, horrible, horrible cry. I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry you needed to come here in the first place. I hope your time here is one of healing, stay as long as you need and then some. Big hugs sweet - we know what you are going thru.