Thanks Kiwigirl~~~i would imagine going through D&C to be just as painful (physically and mentally). after coming back to work, i would tear up every time people ask me how my baby is. saying "he passed away" is just hard.
in terms of TTC, i do worry about how long it takes but i worry about the nine months (hopefully) ahead just as much if not more. because i gave birth at 30 weeks, i am at a higher risk next time. and because i take long-term medication that affects the fetus, i would be ordered more ultrasounds along the way too. but if we don't try again, we never know what we are going to get, right? i even come up with the probability: the average population has a 2-4% rate of birth defect, and women with seizure disorder have double the risk (4-8%). I fell into the 4-8% last time. although next time i would bear just as much risk as last time, the chance of having two birth defects in a row is about 0.16-0.64%. but numbers are just numbers. when something happens, it doesn't do anything other than telling you what odds are.
my DH is not yet very into TTC yet, so i bought some sexy attire to spice things up. after all, we might not be able to enjoy sex once pgcy is confirmed (i had series of infection last time).
good luck and hang in there, everyone! i tell myself that now is the darkness before dawn. everyday passed is a day closer to where the light is. cheers.
Kiwigirl - that must have been awkward at the beauticians. Good luck with the rest of your TWW.
Junebug - Welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't feel bad about feeling envy about other people's pregnancies - all of us in here feel that way - we want what those other women have - and we will have it one day soon. I had my second m/c in March this year and have had to deal with so many pregnancy announcements & births with friends, family and work colleagues - way more than any other year. For the first time I actually felt really pleased for a work friend who had become a grandmother on the weekend. Her DIL had already had 2 m/c and gave birth 5 weeks early by emergency c/s after getting pre-eclampsia. Mum and baby are well now. I did not feel sad for myself not even for one moment.... more worried about them as the story unfolded. Anyway, I think it might be a turning point for me, I certainly hope so. I hope you find the support you need here.
Well still no spotting. If my temp is still up in the morning I will do a test. I'm actually expecting to wake up to a low temp and then there will be no need to test. I want to be pg so badly but don't think it will happen until after the lap. Even all the symptoms don't have me convinced. If you don't see a post from me early tomorrow morning you will know it's bad news.
Last edited by satya; July 31st, 2007 at 08:42 PM.
Hi Satya: I am hoping you live in a different time zone as me so "early tomorrow" has not arrived yet where you live. I want to get pg just as bad as all the other girls here, but I am also worried whether I can be as strong as you all if something goes wrong again. Sometimes It makes me angry to read about people abusing their children when we are trying so hard just to get a healthy one.
Before I started TTC, I asked a good friend of mine (he's a bio PhD candidate), why do I want a baby so bad? Do I want to nurture somebody, to show off to others what I can produce, or to feel happy and hopeful again? He recommended a book called "The Selfish Gene" by Charles Dawkins. It's basically saying that we as human beings are programmed to pass our genes, and that we are born selfish from a biological stand point because we want to pass more of our genes (as opposed to others). I guess that explains why I feel jealous of others who have healthy kids. Anyways, now I figure - I only get to live once, if I feel my live is not complete without my own children, I will do whatever in my power to try. Sometimes I do wonder whether this world (with all the global warming and wars and hunger and campus shooting) is good enough to bring another life to, but I guess that's not for me to decide. My parents didn't ask me whether I wanted to come to this world, and I am liking it so far. Maybe my kids might like it too.
Enough thoughts for the day. Hope you don't mind me writing so much...
Well I woke at 3am absolutely dying to pee so I tested. I got a and by that I don't mean a big fat positive, more like a BIG FAINT POSITIVE. You can barely see it, but it is there. When my DF woke at 6am he could see it without straining so I guess it really is there.... I was starting to think I'd imagined it.
My temp has also gone up .1 of a degree. No spotting yet. Trying to keep the lid on the excitement until I get a proper BFP, as in a nice dark one. My DF was not excited, not sure why, I thought he would be. He said it was because it was so early and he did look half asleep at the time. He's probably like me though, would rather see a nice dark BFP as I never really got strong ones last time either, but they were darker than this one but I started testing then at about a week late so of course they would be darker.
Junebug - I too get upset at people who abuse their children, it's like you have to have a licence to get a dog but anyone who can manage to get pregnant and carry the child to full term is allowed to have a baby... the wrong way around I reckon. I also get very angry with people who have children whilst sitting on public housing lists. If you can't afford to put a roof over your head don't have kids cos you can't afford them either. I recently saw a couple on TV who had been waiting for public housing for 11 years and they had 5 children - all would have been under 10. They deliberately have had all those children even though they say they can't afford to rent a house.... come on.... shut your legs woman... well that's what I shouted at the TV when I saw her. They were complaining because they had to wait so long and also because no one wanted to rent to two unemployed people with 5 kids in the private sector. It didn't seem to enter their heads that if one of them had got a job or if they had just had one or two children they might have been more attractive to a landlord. Unemployment levels are quite low these days in Australia so one would think that in 11 years one of them could have managed to get a job in order to put a roof over the childrens heads. Anyway, it really annoyed me.
YEA SATYA!!!! I'm so excited that you got a BFP! I bet it will get darker in a few days, once that hCG really starts going. Hooray for my cycle buddy!!!
Thanks mammal. I hope you are right. It's going to be a nervous few days waiting to see what happens. I thought if I got a BFP I would just be happy and relaxed about it but I was very wrong.... it's actually made me more anxious than I was yesterday. My DF wanted me to stay home from work today but I have to go in and keep my mind busy and keep it off the possibilities. As soon as I get a strong BFP I will go and get a BT so I'll need to take time off work to get that done.
Congratulations on your BFP, Satya!!!!!! I'm just thrilled to pieces for you. May that second line grow ever darker!! Woohoo. I'm doing a happy dance for you.
LizJessie, sorry you've had a BFN, might be too early as you say. So we'll keep hoping for you!
SATYA - WOW - all I can see is wishes can come true !!
My HPT line was very faint at 14dpo - but a line is a line. You are pregnant, and it seems to be a case of third time lucky with so many ladies in here.
I the next umpteen weeks fly by for you, completely uneventful and boring. Don't stress about the symptoms - mine didn't start to emerge till about 7 weeks.
Yeah for Satya - here's hoping this one is the stickiest ever!
Good luck to all the other ladies in here as well - I read up on you all & can't wait to see the next BFP!
I just knew this was going to be the month for you!! You really deserve it as I know how much you have longed for this, sending lots of your way!
LizJessie Keep us updated, all hope is not yet lost - could be just a little too early?
For me AF is due on Friday so I figure if I can last through the weekend without her showing her ugly head then I will test Monday morning... I just hope the next couple of day fly by and I can keep my mind off it
Congrats satya! I kinda do take it to heart, because all the HPT I've done I've seen nothing but negatives - to see a positive would definitely lift my spirits
kbowman - I think it might be too early - either that or I'm not pregnant and I'm due to have AF - if it's coming, hurry up I say!
timnik77 - I very well might be - after all, it's only been a month since I m/c'ed - And if I'm feeling this way, it might have only been in there for about a week or so *shrugs*
I really hope this is it for you! 
I'm hoping that if I'm not yet, then I might just be too early *shrugs* I just dunno
and by that I don't mean a big fat positive, more like a BIG FAINT POSITIVE. You can barely see it, but it is there. When my DF woke at 6am he could see it without straining so I guess it really is there.... I was starting to think I'd imagined it. 
Congratulations Satya! Wishing you a sticky healthy bub 
CONGRATULATIONS SATYA!! 
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