Hi All-

I have been reading through some past posts. The support here is wonderful. It makes me sad, though, to see so many little angel smileys and when I think about having 3 of my own, I want to cry. But I must say I am feeling much better these days. In part, I'm sure, because I found some 'ears' with you all who (unfortunely) understand what I'm going thru. I wish I'd found you after my 2nd m/c. As bad as I felt this time around, last time was much, much worse b/c I did not yet have my DD and didn't know if I ever would.

Treelo: Welcome! I am so sorry for your loss. I am new to BB as well and hope that you find it to be as supportive and helpful as I have.

Satya: Thank you so very much for your concern. Like I said, I think I have really turned the corner on my depression. Now I am more in a very-disappointed-and-bummed-that-I-have-to-start-again mood. The night I first wrote you all I went and bought a good dinner and some Hagen-Dazs ice cream and ate both. I am pretty much back to normal eating and drinking now. I know that you are right - if I'm going to TTC again, I have to treat myself right. I'm sorry to hear about your experience w/ your SIL. I don't think I would have made it through that visit at all - you are a strong soul.

Pash: Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I have spoken with my DH about how we both feel. He doesn't like to see me in this pain but also he says he's OK w/ one child - he's afraid he can't handle two. But he said the same thing about one before I had my DD and he is a fantastic father. I don't know - I guess we will see. As long as he is willing to keep TTC at least I can hold out some hope. He was getting used to the idea before I m/ced - even making plans for things like bunkbeds if it was another girl. The tech wasn't sure it was twins b/c the images on the sono were considerably different in appearance. She said sometimes some tissue gets
loose and it can look as if there are two. I guess I will find out at the analysis. Sorry you've had such a rough patch. I hope that you are feeling more positive now.

CrossingMyFingers: Oh, I am so sorry for the timing. I can imagine few worse places to start bleeding than a baby shower for a friend. I didn't tell anyone of my preg except my DH and my parents. I don't even think my DH has told his side of the family. Even so, I still feel a sense of shame and embarassment. I don't know why - logically in my head I know I didn't do anyting wrong. It's just how I feel.

Kbowman: Sorry to hear about your ex. I can't imagine how terrible that must have been for you. When I feel that way, I know I just need
to get myself through it. 'Tomorrow is another day' and all that. Fortunately I have a very supportive family and that's something worth hanging around for. Plus, fortunately, I am too much of a chicken to actually do anything to myself! I will be okay.

Sienna: Best wishes for a successful IVF!

LizJessie: I hope you feel better soon.

This weekend I'm going on holiday w/ my DH & DD to visit my DHs family. I am apprehensive about it b/c I'm afraid I will get sad and not be able to hide it well (I wanted to be able to tell them about the preg then ). Also I'll be seeing my brothers and their families (they each have 2 kids) and my SIL and her family - also 2 kids. I'm the only one with one. I was the last of all of them to get married (and I'm also the oldest) and now this. It just bums me out. Pardon the pity party all - I know I am very lucky to have what I have. Sometimes it just seems like others can have everything they want and not have to go thru so much to get it! Argh!

But I digress... Hugs to all