TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ July 07

[pash]

Satya I'm sorry to hear that your mum is ill again. You must be so strong with everything that you've had to struggle through. Sorry to hear that ur DH missed out on a job too. Do you mind if I ask how much IVF costs? Can it be done in the public system?

Sounds like your SIL is one of those blissfully happy pg women who are just so annoying sometimes. IKWYM about being envious of pg women. I am trying really hard not to be bitter & twisted, but a lady at work is 7.5 mnths pg with twins. She makes offhand complaints about how her bubs keep turning through the night, keeping her awake, etc. And I think to myself that if her bubs stopped moving, now THAT would be something to complain about. So, I'm bitter and twisted despite myself *wry grin* Aw, its not their fault they are so blissfully happy. We would be too, I just wish it was us.

Lee & Sharon My "bender" was one pint! A combination of anemia and lack of practise!
Janeo Nice to read your positivity. I hope it rubs off
Shoegal I like your username & wish I'd thought of it. Maybe I'll call myself baglady! Good luck with testing on 22nd hun. I'll be thinking of you.
Salt Hi sweets! I didn't realise that you'd been ttc for 2 cycles since your m/c. Don't beat yourself up over it so much, 2 cycles isn't that long really (even though it feels like an eternity). I hope this is your month too. How are your parents doing?
Sharon I'm dissappointed too that AF showed up. I thought your symptoms sounded so promising.
Sweetpetite I am so sorry that you lost your little bub(s). I hope your cloud of depression has lifted a little. I think the other ladies gave good advice about seeking counselling. But still, feel free to share your pain here. Also, you said "He says he doesn't want another so I feel he was relieved by this loss". It sounds like you haven't asked him directly whether he was releived? Maybe he is saying he doesn't want another kid to protect you both. I know that my DH would rather not have kids than see me in pain. Do you think you can talk to him about how you are feeling, and how he's feeling too? Sorry if this is too intrusive, cos we don't exactly know each other One other thing, why wasn't the technician sure whether or not you were carrying twins?
Kerry Sounds like you had a well timed week off work? Glad your presentation went well (always a relief when its over, isn't it).
BritKane Bummer about the HCG, I'm in the same boat. Well done with the poker tournament though.
CrossingMyFingers Welcome, and I am sorry for your loss. I hope it is a short sweet journey for you.
MegsMum - ono, the clomid sounds aweful! But hopefully it will all be worth it. IKWYM about being a bit bummed and needing a bit of time. I hope you feel more positive soon and that you get a BFP too.
Sienna Good luck for your first IVF cycle. I'm hoping you get a sticky bub (or maybe two?) in your first try.
Penny Ooh! 2weeks! I'm jealous. I'm waiting for AF too... well, actually, I am waiting to stop m/c, so that I can start waiting for AF. How much of my life am I going to spend waiting? But, prev m/c, AF came after 31 days after my d&c, my usual cycle.
zionsMum ono! Bad news about the ankle. I hope you get some good sympathy and pampering for it, of the ring-a-bell-for-your-slippers kind.
Lee Good to hear from you again! It must be hard for you, cos at every stage of your pg, you'll be reminded of your previous one? But, I hope you can move on, because I actually want you to be a blissfully happy pg lady!
Clairabel! Its good to see you too! I've got to admit, I found it really hard to read your BB posts for a while. I just kept looking at your adorable ticker and thinking that that was where I should be. I think we were only a few days apart. But, I'm at a better mental place now (thank goodness!). I don't know when we will ttc again. I have an appt with the recurrent m/c clinic on 4th Sept!! And if I am pg, they cancel the appt. Besides, I'm still bleeding from the m/c, so I think I am a long way off from ttc. I also wanted to go to Russia/Latvia/Lithuania for a couple of weeks in Aug. But I have to do a BT on the second day of AF, and if I'm somewhere in Eastern Europe, I don't think I can manage that. I am going to try to keep up with how you, Lee and Bun are doing in the pg after m/c thread.
2Mums - LOL! Good luck!

[pash]

On Sunday, we went to a garden party at our friends' place. They've just gotten engaged, bought & renovated an appartment. Their place is the sort of place you could raise kids in, and I never thought that possible in London. The appt backs onto a huge communal but private garden, and on Sunday, it was full of neighbouring families w kids. They were doing egg & spoon races, sack races, tug of war, face painting, you name it. It was just so lovely, and I never knew anything like that existed in central London.

But, it just made me feel so homesick and like my life is so off track. Before I started m/c, DH & I were expecting twins. They could easily have been our entire family. We were going to go home in Sept, to our beautiful little appt in Sydney and our loving family. My work contract was finishing up at the end of July, and so was DH's project at work, so it was the perfect time to leave. We were going to fill the gap with a bit of mild holidaying.

But now, I am still m/cing. I will be unemployed in 2 weeks. DH will keep working at a job he hates because he isn't a quitter. We live in a tiny rental appt that's unfit for cats, let alone kids. We have no prospect of going home anytime soon and no prospect of a hug from my mum anytime soon We can't travel cos I have to do BTs on 2nd day of AF for the recurrent m/c clinic, and I have no idea when that's going to happen.

Why did my life go so wrong? I just keep ignoring everything and hoping it will all get better by itself. But it won't. I have to look for work.

I think it would all be a lot better if I could keep working where I am. But I don't think that's going to happen. Talking myself up to agents isn't going to be easy when I feel like a dismal failure.

oh, its not really all that bad. I'm a bit of a drama queen. I'm almost addicted to the sympathy I've had recently

[satya]

Hi everyone,

Zionsmom that ankle must have hurt - I wish you a speedy recovery.

Twomums - good luck with your two week wait and try to stay away from the HPTs.

Sharon - I'm so sorry about AF arriving. Perhaps you could try a couple of months of not tracking things.... that's how I fell pregnant earlier this year. At least that would be less stressful than watching every little thing like we do now. How long have you been ttcing (from when you first started before m/c)?

Kbowman - yes I do drink green tea & heaps of water. I haven't tried preseed and my DF doesn't want me to buy it. He thinks I'm spending too much money on everything else and wants me to stop it all (as none of it seems to be working) and just wait for IVF.

Lee - thanks for the encouragement. I wish I had your positivity but at my age (41) there is a good possibility that this will not happen for me, particularly with my bad ttc history. I mostly do feel positive about it though as I keep seeing women my age get lucky, but I do also see a lot that don't. I just wish my lap would hurry up and happen so I can get going on IVF as soon as I can as I think its looking like my best chance at a successful pregnancy. I hope you don't get the flu as thats not good to get while you are pg. Damn those hormones of yours, they really are not making life easy for you right now.

Pash - IVF is done publicly but it's not cheap. The cost varies on what kind of treatment you have to have. I have seen some women who say they are about $500 out of pocket per cycle, others around the $1500 mark, and the odd one that says as much as $5000. Some drugs increase the price dramatically as do some tests. I just hope I fall in to the lower cost category as we don't have much stashed away. The good news is I don't have to see my SIL very much so I wont have to go through that trauma very often during the pregnancy. If you are so unhappy right now perhaps you should consider coming home early. Have you thought about doing that? I can't imagine how hard it would be going through everything you have without being able to have a hug from your mum. The outing in the park sounded lovely, I can see how that could've triggered some major home sickness.



CD12 for me today. No sign of EWCM. I am sooooo over everyone's baby news.... it just keeps on coming at me. Another woman at work just had a new grand child enter the world, a couple of guys at work have wives that are pregnant (one due around when I was), another lady at work is expecting a grand child very soon. To top it off a girl at work has a friend who is expecting triplets, so I had to sit through lots of talk about that yesterday, how she looks full term already even though she's only 20 weeks (I would have been 22 weeks now). I'm just so over it. Gone are the days of being stalked by pregnant women every time I left the house, now I'm just surrounded by pregnancy chatter wherever I go. Please remind me when I am eventually pregnant again not to discuss my pregnancy in public ever!!!

[treelo]

Hi Everyone,

I sort of feel like im intruding on people here, you all seem so close. I think this is were i belong at the moment as I had a m/c on sunday, and i want to start trying straight away.
I know that you should wait till you have had a full cycle but im just determined to start now. I have not heard any medical reasons why i should wait, just ones that seem to make it easier to date a future pregnancy.
I stopped bleeding today and i know that i maynot even ovulate at all this cycle but i figure there is nothing to stop us from ttc. Knowing when i ovulate might be a problem. I dont really understand all the tempreture stuff.
I hope im not intruding in here, i just really feel like i need to belong somewhere.

For everyone - im sorry for your losses and i hope that your journey to conception is short.

hugs
treelo

[satya]

Welcome Treelo, of course you are not intruding. There has to be a first time in every thread you join. I know how you feel though as I felt the same when I joined. Now I'm one of the few left in here from when I first joined in March. Most are pregnant again so it is a very encouraging place to be. I am sorry for your loss. I started ttcing again straight away and you will be able to do the same unless your doctor has advised you not to. I hope your stay here is a short one.

[Trying to be Postive]

Sorry I have not been here much, well I do read your posts and follow your journeys, just mostly when I come here its because I fee like I do today... utter crap... and I dont always want to post when I feel crap...

This is my third cycle after MC - and now I am almost certain I am no longer Ovulating. Whether I will or not next cycle who knows.

Here is where I am:

March - MC

Cycle one - 34 days (from MC)

Cycle two - 44 days

Cycle three - 34 days and counting....

I have had no EWCM this month and my temps were all over the place... initially I thought I O'd but now I think, because I was sick my temps were up, cos now they are back down... so now it looks like I didn't really

I am really scared I am never going to conceive again.

I have an FS appointment in August, but that seems like years away...

Sorry to whinge and complain... but I am so down today....

I really hope you are doing much better than I am!!

[treelo]

Trying to be positive,

Im sorry your having such a crappy day and Im crossing every thing that you will O this cycle. I dont know alot about tracking cycles, so im hoping to learn alot from everyone here.

hugs to you
treelo

[Lee]

Hi Ladies,

Pash - I replied to you in the PAML thread, and then read your posts here, ignore my questions. You poor thing - HUGS, BIG ONES!!!! I spent a few years in London, lived in Bayswater, right on the edge of Hyde Park - which was chokas with families/kids - you need to be near a green space and it's an awesome place to be. You sound so homesick - see what happens on the work front, sometimes when one door shuts - a better one will open - pity we can't know the outcome in advance though....... hang in there - life is always surprising us - I hope your next surprises are GOOD ones!

Satya - I'm hearing you. My first husband was killed in a helicopter accident. I swear to god I never saw so many helicopters in the first year after his death - always buzzing over my head - I hated it. Now, I see them and the sting has gone out of it. The damm universe has a way of finding our weak spots when we are vulnerable. But it makes us strong. I can't wait till you are pregnant and the sting of hearing other people's baby news will be diminished. Hugs.

Sharon - BLAH BLAH BLAH to AF - Hugs to you too. Nothing left to do but get on with the next cycle and plan some awesome BDing!! I can read how disappointed you are, hang in there somehow! Your turn WILL come!!!!!!!!!!!

So jealous of Bun on her holidays - but happy for her really!! I feel like getting away, don't care where, and might just do that!!

Hello to everyone else! Not much news from me, but I am feeling much better than my last post - I have discovered the incredible healing powers of the egg and bacon sandwich with BBQ sauce and a hot milky Milo. Highly recommend it to lift any mood anytime !

Lee xo

[zionsmom]

Lee~ I'm glad your feeling a bit better and YUM that sounds good

treelo~ welcome and I am sorry for your loss and you will be more than welcomed around here, I felt the same way at first but these women genuinly care about everyone its quite touching.

satya~ thanks for your comment I think my pride is hurt more than anything else I was embarassed.

[ElleJay]

*sighs*
The thing thats hard for me is that I told alot of my friends the day after I had got the positive test. The next day is when I m/c'ed *sighs* I feel like crap - mostly because I feel like I'm going to be sick

[treelo]

Hang in there LizJessie, im sending you loads of hugs.

treelo

[Sequoia]

Hi everyone, so sorry, selfish post from me. I will def BBL for personals.

Please talk me out of POAS. On Monday (6DPO) I had cramping, I'm suspicious that it was implantation, the wait until Sunday (12DPO) to test is driving me mental.

I am thinking I am pregnant but have no real symptoms. I almost skipped to my car this morning because I had convinced myself that I was. I really don't want to get my hopes up and come crashing down.

How can I convince myself, what will be, will be?

[zionsmom]

shoegal~ we both have about 5 days until testing and I feel the same way! I have heard of people getting really really faint positives at 7-8 dpo and I just know I am prob. not one of those people and then if I got a BFN it would ruin my entire week. I am with ya but hold out so your not running around your house holding the stick up to every light in the house if you wait until AF is due and do that than fine but I know that I for one am going to wait. Well unless you buy a digital then I guess ignore me.

[sweetpetite]

Hi All-

I have been reading through some past posts. The support here is wonderful. It makes me sad, though, to see so many little angel smileys and when I think about having 3 of my own, I want to cry. But I must say I am feeling much better these days. In part, I'm sure, because I found some 'ears' with you all who (unfortunely) understand what I'm going thru. I wish I'd found you after my 2nd m/c. As bad as I felt this time around, last time was much, much worse b/c I did not yet have my DD and didn't know if I ever would.

Treelo: Welcome! I am so sorry for your loss. I am new to BB as well and hope that you find it to be as supportive and helpful as I have.

Satya: Thank you so very much for your concern. Like I said, I think I have really turned the corner on my depression. Now I am more in a very-disappointed-and-bummed-that-I-have-to-start-again mood. The night I first wrote you all I went and bought a good dinner and some Hagen-Dazs ice cream and ate both. I am pretty much back to normal eating and drinking now. I know that you are right - if I'm going to TTC again, I have to treat myself right. I'm sorry to hear about your experience w/ your SIL. I don't think I would have made it through that visit at all - you are a strong soul.

Pash: Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I have spoken with my DH about how we both feel. He doesn't like to see me in this pain but also he says he's OK w/ one child - he's afraid he can't handle two. But he said the same thing about one before I had my DD and he is a fantastic father. I don't know - I guess we will see. As long as he is willing to keep TTC at least I can hold out some hope. He was getting used to the idea before I m/ced - even making plans for things like bunkbeds if it was another girl. The tech wasn't sure it was twins b/c the images on the sono were considerably different in appearance. She said sometimes some tissue gets
loose and it can look as if there are two. I guess I will find out at the analysis. Sorry you've had such a rough patch. I hope that you are feeling more positive now.

CrossingMyFingers: Oh, I am so sorry for the timing. I can imagine few worse places to start bleeding than a baby shower for a friend. I didn't tell anyone of my preg except my DH and my parents. I don't even think my DH has told his side of the family. Even so, I still feel a sense of shame and embarassment. I don't know why - logically in my head I know I didn't do anyting wrong. It's just how I feel.

Kbowman: Sorry to hear about your ex. I can't imagine how terrible that must have been for you. When I feel that way, I know I just need
to get myself through it. 'Tomorrow is another day' and all that. Fortunately I have a very supportive family and that's something worth hanging around for. Plus, fortunately, I am too much of a chicken to actually do anything to myself! I will be okay.

Sienna: Best wishes for a successful IVF!

LizJessie: I hope you feel better soon.

This weekend I'm going on holiday w/ my DH & DD to visit my DHs family. I am apprehensive about it b/c I'm afraid I will get sad and not be able to hide it well (I wanted to be able to tell them about the preg then ). Also I'll be seeing my brothers and their families (they each have 2 kids) and my SIL and her family - also 2 kids. I'm the only one with one. I was the last of all of them to get married (and I'm also the oldest) and now this. It just bums me out. Pardon the pity party all - I know I am very lucky to have what I have. Sometimes it just seems like others can have everything they want and not have to go thru so much to get it! Argh!

But I digress... Hugs to all

[satya]

Hi everyone,

Lee - I'm also envious of Bun - I bet she's having a great time. You are so right on the food thing - last night I had a bacon/egg/cheese roll for my dinner and I felt instantly better.

LizJessie - I think most of us can't help but tell people the first time we are pregnant but when it all goes wrong we wish we hadn't. Any pregnancy after that tends to be hidden until we feel we are at a "safe" stage.

Trying - I think you need to be true to your name and try to be positive. TTC is full of waiting. Waiting for AF to finish, waiting to O, waiting for two weeks, waiting a few days to test, waiting a couple of minutes looking for a second line on the test (seems like an eternity) waiting to see if AF is going to arrive, waiting to see doctors, waiting for BT's, waiting for ultrasounds, waiting for results, waiting in waiting lists for treatment..... it's just lots of waiting. Throughout all that waiting we need to keep our spirits as high as possible, and that's not always easy. I find posting here helps me with my waiting, I have my bad days but most of my days are really good. Don't stress too much about no EWCM - you can still get pregnant without it. I very rarely see any these days (I think with me it's an age thing) but I still got pg earlier in the year.

Shoegal - The problem with testing early is that is you get a negative you will keep doing more and more until you get a positive or get your AF - huge waste of money. If you do get an early positive then you will still keep testing each day as you will be worried that the positive is going to disappear and stress about how dark (or faint) it is and wonder if it is a chemical pregnancy. I have finally got to the point where I can wait to see if my AF goes late before testing & it's a really good place to be. I do have urges to test when I get "symptoms" but I've had so many of those now for no reason I know they mean nothing. I just think, no I'm going to wait until I go late and that's that.

Sweetpetite - I'm glad to hear you are eating properly again & feeling a little better. Have a great holiday.


CD13 for me so waiting to O now. Got lots of bedding in over the last few days and hope to be able to keep it up until I O but we are both so tired. We also have miss 4 for the weekend from tonight and she tends to make us even more tired, and our opportunities to BD are less as she comes in to our bed early in the mornings most mornings.

[britkane8]

hey there girls

sorry i havent been on for so long my dp and i have split so no ttc for me any more and its all my fault..... dont know if we r going to get back 2gether or not who knows.
so i have been feeling really down and i think i might just give belly belly a miss for a while and when things get a bit better might pop back in to see how things are going with you all....

good luck to all of you that are ttc hope luck comes your way

love susan

[kiwigirl]

Hi everyone,

Been taking a break from BB while I had AF and have been mega-busy. Fingers crossed this month is everyone's month

Zionsmom, thanks for asking after me Hope your ankle is feeling better. Good luck testing in 5 days, I really really want this month to be a BFP for you!!!

Hi to everyone else, will catch up all the messages on the weekend.. so much reading to do Hope you are all keeping well during the winter.

[Sequoia]

Good morning everyone….

Kerry – thank for the hcg info and testing. Glad your presentation went well, good luck with the visualisation!

Satya – do people at your workplace know about your MC’s? I’ve not told anyone except my boss. So very insensitive of them to talk like that when they do know. Good luck catching the eggie this cycle hun.

Sharon19270 – how are you going? I hope AF is short and you are back on the bandwagon soon.

Zionsmom – how is your ankle? Thanks for your reply. Flowerchild said the digital HPT’s are really only reliable when AF is due so I think I will leave that until Monday. When will you test??

TwoMums – good luck for the BT next Thursday. Isn’t the wait interminable???

Pash – aka baglady! Yes, I have a penchant for bags too. Much to DH’s dismay! No, you’re not a drama queen. Lots of bad things have just happened all at once for you. I hope you find a good job in London and that you’re appt at the clinic goes well. What will they test for if you don’t mind me asking?

Treelo – welcome, you are not intruding. I remember my first posts in this thread, I thought I’d taken it over! I just had so many questions and everyone was, and still is, wonderful. May I ask how far along you were? I am sorry for your loss. Your boys have beautiful names BTW. My FS and GP advised me to wait one cycle for a few reasons. For my mental health (in dealing with my loss) and because it would be hard to date the pregnancy and also to let my uterine lining time to thicken up again. It was soooo hard to wait, especially when I knew I was O’ing, I had O pain and CM in that cycle in which we didn’t TTC. Lots of girls don’t wait and go on to have healthy pregnancies. Maz lost twins, didn’t wait, and is now pregnant. I hope your stay in this thread is short.

TTBP – I’m glad you have to FS appt, maybe with some O tracking BT’s to begin with, you will probably get some answers. Good luck hun.

Britkane8 – I am so sorry to hear of your split. I hope you and your DP can work things out….

Me – I’ve decided to hold out until Sunday. Thankyou for your responses Satya and Zionsmom. It would be silly to test and get a +ve and have AF arrive, I think that would be bad mentally since I am building myself up so much. DH is also thankful I have listened to the voice of reason on BB, he doesn’t want me to test until next Wednesday, silly man!

So I’m just twiddling my thumbs until Sunday morning. Gah!