Hi everyone, I just got home from work and I'm SOOO tired.. not so much physically but mentally. It was a hard day, very stressful and hectic. I just wanted to drop a quick post about what the Doctor said, and I will try to do personals tomorrow.

I went to the Doctor by myself (my DH would have gone but I told him not to worry, he was painting the eaves of the house and the shop out back and I told him to stay and finish, I felt good and thought I would be fine.) I got to the DR's office and she was running 30 mins behind because a woman who is expecting had fallen and needed to be examined. (so obviously no one minded waiting.) But I was in the waiting room and I was literally the only one in there who was not either pregnant or holding a baby carrier. So I got a little sad and tried to focus on other things, and think that it will be me PG again soon. But then a nurse came out of the exam room down a long hall, and I guess when she opened the door you could hear the ultrasound machine with the baby's heart beat on it. I started crying. I couldnt help it. It really got to me. I found out that our baby's heart had stopped on the day I was going to get to hear it for the first time. Exactly 3 weeks to the day of my DR's appointment.

I tried to choke back the tears and calm down. ... Then the girl next to me started talking to two of the girls across the room who were just a huge PG as she was.... The other two girls were both 19 and one was having a boy and the other a girl. The girl next to me was 15 and 8 and 1/2 month along and having a boy. ( I turned 27 the day before my Dr's appointment and was more than a little annoyed that the "babies next to me were having babies" when I had waited until I was settled to start trying. I know I know I know that is very selfish of me to think that way and I DEEPLY appologize to anyone here who is 19 or 15. I know they love their babies just as much as I love the one I lost...... it just hurt me. ( I suppose I need to work on my issues ).

Anyway the Dr finally called me into the room and DIDNT EVEN EXAMINE ME!! She just wanted to see how I was doing EMOTIONALLY! I said, well not so great right now, I just waited 30 mins in a room FULL of mothers and mothers to be and right now I'm having a hard time holding back the tears. The DR (who I actually like alot) said that this appointment was just a Mental Check up and that she wouldnt do a physical exam for 2 more weeks. ( 5 weeks post D and C ) She said not to have sex until then (so now I'm going on 1 and 1/2 months no sex because of problems when I was pregnant. ) and I have to wait 2 more weeks. Then she said when I do get to have sex ( hopefully after next appt. on April 10th) I have to use precautions so I dont get PG for atleast a month.

NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR!!!! Maybe I will get my AF before the 10th and she will say we can try sooner. My D and C bleeding has been stopped for 2 days, (not even spotting) so maybe that is a good sign.

I hate to ramble but I had to get it off my chest. Oh yeah... my grandmother really hurt my feelings because when I left the Dr's office I called her and was telling her about it and how sad it made me, (I wasnt crying, I was just telling her that I was sad) and she said, "you are just going to have to get over it, you can't control who is pregnant. Dont let it bother you." I got so mad and upset, I started crying and had to hang up. I know she didnt mean to be so mean but MAN that REALLY hurt me, how do I "just get over it?!?!"

Oh well, tomorrow will be better, and I promise to catch up on some personals...

OH YEAH and all the dizziness is in part because my Iron is low, and I might have an ear infection... I need to get check out.... bye for now.