TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 07 #2

**butterfly_warrior** · September 29th, 2007, 05:20 PM

treelo, that's pretty much correct for a full IVF cycle.

Although, for oddballs like me, it's the pill, horrendous bleeding, more pill, synarel (spray), more bleeding, no response, trigger, no response, progesterone tablets, more bleeding, lucrin (injections instead of spray), then FSH injections (puregon), no response, too much response, trigger, EPU... then ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome and no transfer. *sigh*. IVF was rough on me.

But I did at least manage to get some embryos in the freezer, so we're doing frozen embryo transfers now. My little Caterpillar was a FET, and this cycle is going running in very much the same way - right down to being sick in the same way at the same time of my cycle and needing the same antibiotics!

My FS prefers to do natural cycles, but I don't ovulate without assistance. For me, a frozen embryo transfer cycle involves taking drugs to force my body to ovulate - I take letrozole on days 4-8, which is similar to clomid (taken for 5 days at the start of the cycle), but operates on a different mechanism in the body. This is my third cycle on it - I used it on a break cycle between my stim cycle and my first FET. When we hit day 12 or so of my cycle I start going in to the clinic for blood tests to check hormone levels. When they spot the LH surge, they schedule a transfer for 5 days after ovulation. The night before transfer I use a crinone pessary, then it's back to the clinic where we get to see our embryo through the microscope before it goes back in, then I try to not go insane for 9-10 days before final blood test. If it's positive, we book in to the FS for a scan around 2 weeks later, if it's negative, we wait for AF and start the letrozole again.

So... that's the big scary IVF essay - mostly! Where I am at the moment... day 9 of my cycle. So I had my last dose of letrozole last night, and the hot flushes should start to subside in a day or so, and my anxiety levels will steadily build until ovulation, and then decline again. My first blood test with the clinic is on Tuesday, which will be day 12. The results then will determine when I next have to go in. I started not-safe-for-pregnancy antibiotics today, and will finish them in 10 days (sinus infection). From previous cycles, I'll ovulate around day 18-20, so we're about two weeks away from transfer, and I'll be finished the antibiotics well before then. The best thing about our blastocyst embryos, the TWW is nearly half over before we're even in it!

And there it is - making babies the complicated and high-tech way. The only difference with this cycle compared to last one is that on the day of transfer I double my dose of prednisone. There's some evidence that my miscarriage was caused by my over-active and slightly confused immune system, and we're hoping that this will help prevent it happening again.

I hope I haven't frightened anyone with all the IVF information - I've had a much more complicated journey through it than most, and I do tend to get carried away when someone gives me an excuse to share what I've learned about it all.

BW

**ElleJay** · September 29th, 2007, 08:24 PM

Beaksie - I'm ok - a lil disappointed that Power lost the grand final but also happy that Geelong have finally won one! LoL!

treelo - I'm sure it will be a BFP :P My dads birthday is 2nd October, a day before yours :P I'm hoping to give my dad news around christmas time that Im UTD, I can only hope can't I?

**Beaksie** · September 29th, 2007, 09:03 PM

BW - all I can say is WOW.How do you stay sane?? Your bub will be one very longed for and loved little one when it arrives. Thats such an amazing and surely exhausting thing to have to go through each month. I hope you dont have to do it too many more times. Good luck chickie!!

**butterfly_warrior** · September 29th, 2007, 09:41 PM

Beaksie, who said I was sane?

I'm a bit of a worst-case-scenario when it comes to IVF, and it's all because of my PCOS. It's been an interesting and long journey and it has changed me - some for the worse, much of it for the better.

I've typed up a very long post, and then deleted it. I'm really not sure how all this will sound... but...

I didn't join this thread to invade the M&L forums with talk of IVF. There's an area of BB already set up for us to do that, and I do spend a lot of time there.

I joined this thread because having been through a miscarriage, I know there's going to be a lot of scary and intense emotions around our next step towards a pregnancy. I know that when I do get pregnant again, whether it be from this transfer coming up or another, there's going to be a lot of fear and anxiety... I'm not entirely sure of what I'm trying to say.

I guess it comes down to the fact that I'm not here to educate more people about IVF (I do that too much in real life anyway!), I'm here to find help and support in preparing myself for the challenges of being pregnant again after a loss...

It's not that I don't want to talk about what IVF involves... I'm just worried that I'm talking about it too much here. Make sense? I'm probably just worrying too much (tend to do that), but I really, really don't want to make anyone uncomfortable here!

BW

**treelo** · September 29th, 2007, 10:36 PM

BW i have sat here for a good 20 minutes trying to find the words to express what i want to say to you. As a person who has never had anything to do with IVF until i came to BB, i have followed the couragous journey of many woman doing ivf, including yourself, and to tell you the truth, i had no idea how hard it was for some couples to concieve a child. I have gained a great respect for any couple taking this road to conception and I feel honoured that you felt you could share your ivf story with us because i feel that it is very personal thing.
I have been following your journey hun and you have come along way since loosing your precious catapillar. When i saw your post here i felt that it was just another huge step you have made. And even though your not here for the ivf support, i think its still important for us to understand the process that you have to go through, so we can understand and support you fully.
Gee i hope this makes sense, to you BW and to everyone else. I tend to ramble sometimes !!
Anyway i think its way past my bedtime, i just needed to get that out otherwise i dont think i would have slept very well.

hugs to everyone
treelo

**satya** · September 30th, 2007, 01:34 PM

Hi ladies,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi. Have had a few difficult days. My ex is madly trying to get me back saying how much he loves me and that he isn't with his young chick anymore, saying how he doesn't care if it takes 10 years he will win me back. Unfortunately he doesn't realise I am in contact with his family and they know he was with her even this morning as she answered his phone. They all hate her which makes me feel somewhat better as they all loved me. They are keeping me informed to protect me from him. They don't want him lying his way back in to my life only to destroy it for the third time. This is very handy info to have when I was starting to weaken slightly. The info came to me at the perfect time. I will not weaken and let him back in to my life. Liar.

I managed to swap my car yesterday. Got rid of the V8 & on Monday I pick up a nice little Barina...top of the range model for it's year. Everyone including people in a car club told me I'd be very lucky if I got nine to ten grand for a trade in. The Barina was $13450 on the road and I didn't have to pay a cent so as I see it I got a $13450 trade in. If I'd sold it privately I could have got possibly $15,000 but would have had to deal with a lot of idiots wanting to test drive a high performance car. I'm very happy. One less reason for my ex to return... he loved my car.... funny thing is his girlfriend has a similar car.

**butterfly_warrior** · September 30th, 2007, 02:15 PM

Well done on being strong, satya. I just can't imagine how painful it would be to be in your position right now, but you truly are doing the best thing for yourself.

treelo, makes perfect sense. Nice to find someone else rambles a lot when sleepy. Still not entirely sure of what I'm thinking and feeling, but I'm sticking around anyway.

Day two of my antibiotics and I'm feeling marginally better. But I've pretty much completely lost my voice now, so I sound even worse. Such a badly timed sinus infection, but it is mirroring my first FET exactly. Just a shame that DH is away - I can't talk to him on the phone because I either squeak or croak. It's hard to tell whether my increasing anxiety levels are from hormones, or just knowing that I'm getting ever closer to my transfer and being pregnant again... and having to face that scary reality.

BW

**STARRYSKY** · October 1st, 2007, 04:12 PM

Hi everyone.
again I am sorry, I havent been around too much. I am currently in the throws of the TWW, not nice, I really have no hope of being PG this cycle but as I am sure you can all empathise with, my body is playing tricks on me with all the usual PG symptoms that I am trying to think rationally about ( its just pms etc...) but it really is doing my head in if I think about it too much.
BEAKSIE How you goin chickie? Hope all is well.
BW I was happy to see you in here, I have followed your journey ever since your kind words to me on my very first day in bb. I hope I can be as supportive of you as you were for me.
satya stay strong girl! It will be nice for you to have anew car, new life etc. Whatever doesnt kill us can only make us stronger!
To everyone ( and I know there are more than a few!!) that I have missed I am not ignoring you I send you all big hugs and handfulls of babydust.
Heres hoping that this month will see a slew of BFPS!!!
P.S.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR WEDNESDAY TREELO!!XXXX

**treelo** · October 1st, 2007, 05:22 PM

Afternoon all. Well unfortunatly its no joy for me this cycle, AF came today.
Im wondering if anyone can help me with a question. Before my m/c, i was as regular as clockwork, every 28 days af would come, i could almost pin point it to the hour ! But for my last two cycle, af has come 2 days early. Also this cycle i used OPK and it put O a day or two early.
So do i have a 27 day cycle now? Would vitex be of any help to me?? im really stressed and sad, im trying not to think about it but i just really thought this cycle was it for me...

sorry for the selfish post.....and thank you Starrysky for the birthday wish...

treelo

**STARRYSKY** · October 1st, 2007, 05:28 PM

I am so sorry Treelo, that this wasnt your month.....
From what I have read elsewhere having your cycle stuffed up is pretty common after m/c. I have only had one af since mine, so I dont really know personally....
I think there is a thread somewhere dedicated to the vitex stuff with lots of info.
No need to apologise, what are we here for anyway?!?
sending you big hugs.

**butterfly_warrior** · October 1st, 2007, 05:46 PM

Treelo, I'm really sorry to hear that AF arrived. Afraid I can't help with the cycle questions as I've never had a cycle without ovulation being forced by drugs. From what I have read, it's not that unusual for things to get out of whack after a miscarriage. I hope that you can still enjoy your birthday when it gets here despite the bad news.

Starrysky, thank you for your welcome. It is certainly making it easier for me to see so many familiar faces here.

On my side of things - I'm still getting interesting hot flushes from my ovulation induction drugs, still feeling pretty unwell, but can feel that I'm improving now. DH finally comes home tonight (he's been gone since Wednesday morning for work), and I have my first blood test tomorrow morning. Feeling excited and scared about it, despite having had this drug work for me twice before, I'm starting to get really quite anxious over whether it will work this time... I'm starting to suspect the increase in anxiety levels is from hormonal changes, as I stop feeling so anxious once I ovulate. Does this happen to women who ovulate naturally? I'm trying to work out whether it's a natural response to the hormones my body is now making, something specific to me, or something specific to the drug that I'm using.

BW

**missbelinda77** · October 1st, 2007, 06:05 PM

Treelo - Sorry that AF turned up. We can be cycle buddies again. Make sure you enjoy your birthday and have all the things that you would have had to avoid in pregnancy *hugs* I'm sure some of the girls that are using vitex will be able to help with your questions about it.

Starrysky - good luck in the TWW - I hope time flies by and you get your BFP soon!

Satya - Congrats on the new car purchase, now you'll be able to zip around town.

BW - I can't help you with what happens normally around ovulation, as I need Clomid to ovulate. I don't notice any extra anxiety around ovulation, but then I don't remember being relaxed either. Sorry I can't help. I do always get ovulation pains on my right side, so I know it's working.

**treelo** · October 1st, 2007, 07:50 PM

Thank you everyone, im sure tomorrow will be a better day.

Before i was just sad, now im just plain angry. My friend rang me before and told me that her 18 year old daughter has gotten pregnant just to spite her ex. She has gotten pregnant to her ex's best friend. And just to top it off, my DH says he doesnt know why im so upset??? he says at least i have two, and that i shouldnt be so selfish????????? Just when i was starting to think that he knew how important this was to me???

treelo

**Beaksie** · October 1st, 2007, 11:11 PM

Hi everyone - Hows things?
Treelo- So sorry AF arrived, but drink (I mean think - talk about freudian slip

). You can enjoy a couple of well deserved wines to celebrate your birthday, and while you're at it get stuck into some brie, maccas soft serve ice cream a ham sandwich and all those other soon to be forbidden treats. Maybe not all at once perhaps! Sorry DH is being insensitive, Im sure he doesnt mean anything by it, but like most men, they think in a different (slightly alien) way. They just dont get it do they? BTW I think it's pretty normal to have odd cycles after MC. Mine actually went the other way, regular after being skatty.

Starrysky- Hi Chick. Glad you're finally in TWW, hope it passes quickly for you. I spose Im there too, but Im hoping if I ignore it, it will go quicker. wishful thinking perhaps? Glad you're well..

Bw- Howdy. Cant help with the questions about O, and hormones etc. Im pretty feral most of the time, so I cant really say there's a major change

Satya - Hows things? So proud of the way you're handling this s%$#y situation with your ex. Classy.

To everyone else, I havent forgotten you. Hoping youre all great and this cycle is the ONE! BFPS all round I say!

**Dawneee** · October 2nd, 2007, 11:12 AM

Hi everyone just trying to catch up a bit
Treelo: so sorry af showed up

try and have a nice Birthday anyhow eh! I understand why you were upset about that girl getting Pg out of spite I would be too,Babies have no say about how or why they are bought into this world and I feel sorry for it having a start like that espescially as it seems common knowledge that's why she did it.....I'm sure next month will be your turn for a BFP though!

so hang in there.
Satya: good on you for standing your ground with your ex and lucky he has an honest supportive family to help keep you informed and strong!
Beaksie: How you doing I haven't read all past posts (too many) so where are you up too this month.....? hopefully waiting to test?
As for me well I am 10DPO and have started getting alot of the signs I got before the 1st M/C....I am very irritable this week,feeling tired again,and my boobs have very prominent Dark veins (does anyone else get that) I really noticed them last night after my shower and the weird thing is I feel different my tummy has been feeling weird can't describe it really.....hopefully it's not all wishful thinking and i haven't become a master of phantom pregnancy hahaha!
on another note I was scrolling through a celebrity baby blog and reading what Penelope Cruz bought Salma hyak for her new bub and I went to the site.....is all I can say is "I want one" hahaha it's a fresco contempory baby chair....check it out at bloombaby if you click on collections you'll find it you can apparently get them in oz too!

anyhow gotta go sort the kids lunch, Hi to everyone I missed fingers crossed for some more BFP announcements soon

Take care everyone!

**Beaksie** · October 2nd, 2007, 12:06 PM

HI Dawnee- Hows it going? Gotta love those symptoms eh? I always get those dark veins before a BFP too, but the last couple of cycles Ive also had them just before AF?? Madness. No wonder we're all a bit crazy in here(lol) !!
Im at about day 20 today, but have absolutely no idea if or even when I o'd this month. Very frustrating. However - looking at my diary, we should have got the timing right if it DID happen, cause we put in a mammoth effort and Bd on day 10,13,14,15,17,18,19. Thats 7 out of the last 10 days. If thats not enough, I think ill give up!! Unfortunately it's the dreaded TWW and only time will tell. Dawnee - When will you test?
Hi Satya, Starrysky, Treelo, BW and all the rest of you lovely chickies ! Hope you have a great day!

**littlescottishboy** · October 2nd, 2007, 01:43 PM

Hello puppies, sorry have not been in here for a while.
Satya - you go girl! You have been handling this all so well. Sucked in to your ex for treating you so badly cos he now misses out on a super chick! Glad his family are on your side through all this.

Treelo - so sorry AF came hun. It sucks and i feel the same! Have a beautiful birthday tomorrow though, and as Beaksie said, get stuck into the vino! And sorry your DH is being so unhelpful. It must be a male thing. They have no idea.

Beaksie - wow, what a mammoth effort indeed! Here's hoping you get a lovely reward in two weeks time.

Dawneee - certainly sounds promising! Hope you get a BFP this cycle hun.

Butterfly Warrior - thank you so much for all your info about your journey - you are so brave and focussed and i truly hope you get your little bundle of joy very soon. You really deserve it. Thanks for joining our thread and it's so lovely to 'meet' you!

MissBelinda - how did u find out you needed Clomid? Did you still get ovulation singns (eg. charting) or was there some other way they knew you needed it? Also, is there a thread about using Clomid? (I think that is our next step).

HI StarrySky, LizJessie and everyone else I've missed.

Am thinking i might also join the long-term TTCAML thread as well as it has now been 12 months of trying for us (including the recent m/c). We are seeing a fertility specialist in about 3 weeks (earliest we could get in!). So am hoping for some answers.

I am on holidays at the moment and am LOVING not being at work! I wish i could pause time today and never have to go back to work! Hehe. Have a good day everyone.