Millie, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Oliver Your story is very similar to mine. I lost my son Cooper to a cord accident. I still remember the day, like it was yesterday, when we were told they couldn't find a heartbeat. My life has been a roller-coaster for the past 6 months with a lot of downs, a few ups - which I cherish as they rarely come around.

You are in the early stages of grieving, so be kind to yourself. The pain is still so raw and you are probably still in a state of shock. The 3 weeks from when Cooper was born to his due date were extremely hard especially his due date. Surround yourself with people that care for you and who can support you through this difficult and bumpy journey. Counting down is completely normal. If you feel that this is something that you want to do, then do it.

Grieving is so difficult. There is no right and no wrong. There are so many different stages and they come in a different order for different people, but we all go through the same stages. The hardest thing for me to understand was that men and women grieve differently. It doesn't mean that one of us love our babies any less, we are just different and show our emotions differently. It is so important to recognise this and move forward, step by step, day by day, together. My husband was the same and didn't want to go to counselling. I felt like I needed to so I went. My husband would drop me off and wait for me and then I could talk to him about it afterwards. This was our way of coping. Everyone is different. Even to this day, my husband will be upset at different times to me for different reasons. Just recently, something on TV upset him and he was inconsolable for a few minutes.

People will say things to you which they think is their way of comforting you. Some things you will find insensitive. I think it is because some people just don't know what to say to us and it sometimes comes out all wrong. As I look back now, I also think that we can be very over-sensitive, but we have earnt that, we are allowed to be after what we have been through. Just remember to look after yourself and your emotions. Protect yourself.

Grieving is not something that will go away. It is something that we will do for the rest of our lives. We will never forget our angels and there will be many things that remind us of what we have lost. All their firsts that we had dreamed of seeing, first step, first word, first day of school. You have lost all the hopes and dreams that you had for Oliver and this is so hard to cope with.

Unfortunately we have now lost the innocence of pregnancy. We know that things can go wrong and that there is no 'safe time'. Only you can decide when you are ready, emotionally and physically, to try again. For me, I have fertility problems so we decided to try as soon as we could. It took 5 months and help medically and we are pg again. I was so scared to try again and I am so scared now that I am carrying another baby. The fear and emotions that fill my head are sometimes unbearable and sometimes I do feel sick with worry but like you, I yearn for a baby more than anything else. I have had a dream for the past 3 years to have a baby in my arms and I will do anything to get to my dream.

The pain does not go away, you just learn to live with it and one day you will be able to control your feelings. We are all here to support you through this journey and when you are ready to try again, we will be here for you.

For me, talking about my feelings, my fears and my concerns helped. It is good to speak with others who know how you are feeling, what you are thinking and just to let you know that you are normal.

Take care Millie. Thinking of you, your DH and little Oliver