Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

[Rozzie27]

Hi ladies,

this is my first post here. I lost my first child, a son, a week and a half ago. He was 22 weeks and died with no warning in utero.

Having started to read these forums, I see that most stillbirths occur close to full term (although there are plenty that are much earlier). My question to those who would like to answer is, for those who did experience the terrible loss, did you find a reason? At this stage it appears we will have no reason... I guess I'm interested to know because DH and I would like to start trying again soon. It hasn't been long I know, but we really want children, and this is the only way to do it! Unfortunately because I had a surgical birth we can't try till after the 2nd cycle.

I'd appreciate your advice. Whilst in a way it was comforting to know that there was nothing anyone could have done to save our son, at the same time it's terrifying that it may just as easily happen again (though statisically that's unlikley, but I'm allowed to be irrational right now!).

Rozzie

[jen805]

Rozzie. I'm so sorry to read of your loss. I pray that you find peace and comfort here with us. I wish I had an answer to your question, did your dr. ever run any tests to try to figure out why this happened? And you're not being irrational just because you're worried that it could happen again--that's natural after what you've been through! I hope your 2 cycles go by quickly so you can start trying again soon. You're in my thoughts and prayers, hun, take care of yourself!


Katiegirl--Thanks so much--I actually feel really relieved! I just didn't want to step on anyone's toes or anything, KWIM? thanks for being here (although I wish none of us had to be)!

[jen805]

Rozzie. I'm so sorry to read of your loss. I pray that you find peace and comfort here with us. I wish I had an answer to your question, did your dr. ever run any tests to try to figure out why this happened? And you're not being irrational just because you're worried that it could happen again--that's natural after what you've been through! I hope your 2 cycles go by quickly so you can start trying again soon. You're in my thoughts and prayers, hun, take care of yourself!


Katiegirl--Thanks so much--I actually feel really relieved! I just didn't want to step on anyone's toes or anything, KWIM? thanks for being here (although I wish none of us had to be)!

[Hammi]

Rozzie, I also lost my 22wks son. They did a blood test on me on the day to check for infections and found none. They also did a post-mortem on my baby but I haven't received the results yet. I have read that about 30% of stillbirths have no evident cause.

I'm due back to my hated obstetrician for a check-up next week where I'll ask more about what happened and also when we can start trying again. I understand how you feel, I desperately want to hold a baby in my arms and hear it cry and see it open its eyes.

Good luck Rozzie and feel free to vent, we all know how you feel.

Hi Jen, thanks for checking up on me. I'm doing OK. We collected Hamish's ashes last week and it's a real comfort to have him home with us. I'm also distracting myself with looking after my health and trying to be in a positive frame of mind about the future.

[jen805]

Hammi--I'm so happy to hear you feeling so positive about the future! My dad passed away from a brain tumor 5 years ago, and my step mom still keeps his ashes next to her bed. It provides her with great comfort, so I can only imagine how comforted you would feel to have him home with you. I wish you luck at your appointment, and I hope you get the green light to begin your TTC journey. Please feel free to join us in the TTC after M/C when you're ready, I would love to see you there! We're planning a mass exodus into the Pregnancy after M/C thread! Take care, hun!

[Katiegirl]

Hi Rozzie - I am very sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope you find comfort and understanding here with us. I found out at 20 weeks that our son Nathaniel had passed away aroun 15 weeks. We have all had losses at different stages from the 2nd trimester so most of us in here were not close to full term. So please know that you are most welcome to join us in this journey we are all on. We had chromosomal tests performed and all came back negative. My original ob after persuading from me (more like me saying - I want tests done) some blood tests on me - and my new ob (who I love!) did a very comprehensive testing - and all have come back negative. So we also have no explanation for why Nathaniel did not make it. I don't think an answer would have made it any easier - either way it doesn't change the outcome. So if they have not done tests, than know you can certainly ask for them. I have had more blood taken from me than I care to think about! One day alone I had about 16 vials taken!

Hammi - glad to hear that you have Hamish's ashes at home with you. I also have Nathaniel's and it is a great comfort to me. I don't think I will ever be ready to spread his ashes etc, as I really do like keeping him with us. Also just remember if you aren't happy with your ob...then change! I had my 6 week follow up with my ob but I already knew I was going to change, so it helped me.

Hi to everyone else.

[Rozzie27]

Thanks ladies for your replies.

My OB has been great and ordered blood tests and a post-mortem. All the blood tests came back neg and we're waiting on the PM results, though initial inspection yielded nothing.

The only health problem I have I can think of that may be related is I have low levels of anti-cardiolipin antibodies, so was taking clexane for first 12 weeks, then stopped on OB's advice (after he spoke to a few hematologists). But if my understanding is correct if that were the cause it would have been from a blood clot, which they didn't find. Anyway, I have a feeling no cause will be found.

My OB has said that next preg, though he'll still be my doctor, he'll send me for regular check-ups to the public hospital, because it's a teaching hospital they're up on all the latest reading and see this sort of thing more than he does, so that's reassuring. One man can't know it all I suppose

Thanks

[jo76]

hey everyone!
thanks so much for your thoughts over the weekend. I have been quite emotional (and my poor DH has copped it all) but i am glad we were able to acknowledge his EDD. I ended up going down to the lake near our house and sat there after dropping one of our white roses into the water. It was so lovely and peaceful (and cold - bloody melb!) and i got chased by a goose but it was nice all the same. The pelicans were all out on their little platform in the middle having a wonderful time and the ducks did a little parade right in front of me all in a line so it was really nice. it is so hard to believe that around this time i may have been holding a baby or in the process of labour! It just seems like so much has changed yet nothing at all. YKWIM?
i also had our ultrasound to check if our baby was alive. Well good news! We had a strong heartbeat and the lady pointed out the beginnings of their legs and arms and the little buds for hands. She was aware of our loss with Jack as i burst into tears as soon as she said it would be an internal ultraound and i had to say last time we were there i had bad news. She had been through a later loss also so was very supportive. She explained before we started that she would not turn on the screen for me to see due to what had happened before and would let me see a screen after she was done. As sson as i saw our baby i just burst into tears again seeing that little heart beating away! She said obviously this does not set guarrantees for the future but it is a great sign for now.
if anything it has created a little fear as seeing our baby there just made me feel so vulnerable again. My Dh said we need to be positive and think good things so i really need to focus on that! And thankfully, my dates were on track so as of wednesday i am officially 9 weeks!
ok, for you guys! its been busy!
barbara - i just wanted to wish you luck for your tues ultrasound! (i'm sure you were the day after me!)
katie - feel sorry for your self, you lost a baby! We are allowed our moments and we need them i think to allow ourselves to continue to heal in any way we can. And honestly, how fast has this year flown...we may get to our due dates and wish it slowed down to enjoy our pregnancies more!
hammi - thank-you for your thoughts, its often difficult toknow what to say but the fact that you took the time to acknowledge him means the world! I also have jacks ashes and i can't imagine being far from them for now. I thought about scattering them but can't bear the thought of not having him close. In a way unexpected they will be a small comfort.
jen - please keep dropping in, i have said before, a loss is a loss at any stage and a late one is not anymore "important" (for lack of better wording!) than early ones. You have had 4 losses and i think you are incredibly strong to be able to see the positives in the future just by being here with us all! So stay, more suport and advice for us all the better!!!!
rozzie- i lost my son at 17, 5 days and gave birth to him on what would've been his 18th week. His official cause of death is unexplained...i had more blood tests than i care to imagine plus his autopsy which also revealed nothing. My OB said due to healthy pregs before he believed it would'nt happen again but was at a complete loss himself to give me an explanation, which i think due to our children knowing each other made it a little harder for him also on a personal level. Not knowing has its drawbacks for me as i am wondering if it was that easy and without actual cause the first time what can that mean for this pregnancy. But then if i had known the cause of his death, i'm sure that i would've been obseesing over any symptoms etc related anyway so its not really a "win" situation either way. Unfortuneatly for all of us here, nature is nature and i guess we can only get answers to so much. take care and we are all here for you!
thats it guys -i think its been long enough!
x

[Katiegirl]

Hi Rozzie - I am very sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope you find comfort and understanding here with us. I found out at 20 weeks that our son Nathaniel had passed away aroun 15 weeks. We have all had losses at different stages from the 2nd trimester so most of us in here were not close to full term. So please know that you are most welcome to join us in this journey we are all on. We had chromosomal tests performed and all came back negative. My original ob after persuading from me (more like me saying - I want tests done) some blood tests on me - and my new ob (who I love!) did a very comprehensive testing - and all have come back negative. So we also have no explanation for why Nathaniel did not make it. I don't think an answer would have made it any easier - either way it doesn't change the outcome. So if they have not done tests, than know you can certainly ask for them. I have had more blood taken from me than I care to think about! One day alone I had about 16 vials taken!

Hammi - glad to hear that you have Hamish's ashes at home with you. I also have Nathaniel's and it is a great comfort to me. I don't think I will ever be ready to spread his ashes etc, as I really do like keeping him with us. Also just remember if you aren't happy with your ob...then change! I had my 6 week follow up with my ob but I already knew I was going to change, so it helped me.

As for me, I had a mini breakdown today. DH is working from home and I have taken the day off because I am tired (I am always tired at the moment), and we got a text from our friend's saying their baby was born this morning - a boy. We were due a couple of weeks before them, so whilst I am happy for them it just makes me feel like we have been waiting a long time for our baby. So I had a cry and DH was very lovely and understood why I felt this way. The feeling of loss, really never goes away - it eases but it never goes away. DH kept reminding me that we will have this baby in November but I am tired of waiting. So that is me feeling sorry for myself.

Hi to everyone else.