Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

[jen805]

Hammi--I'm so happy to hear you feeling so positive about the future! My dad passed away from a brain tumor 5 years ago, and my step mom still keeps his ashes next to her bed. It provides her with great comfort, so I can only imagine how comforted you would feel to have him home with you. I wish you luck at your appointment, and I hope you get the green light to begin your TTC journey. Please feel free to join us in the TTC after M/C when you're ready, I would love to see you there! We're planning a mass exodus into the Pregnancy after M/C thread! Take care, hun!

[Katiegirl]

Hi Rozzie - I am very sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope you find comfort and understanding here with us. I found out at 20 weeks that our son Nathaniel had passed away aroun 15 weeks. We have all had losses at different stages from the 2nd trimester so most of us in here were not close to full term. So please know that you are most welcome to join us in this journey we are all on. We had chromosomal tests performed and all came back negative. My original ob after persuading from me (more like me saying - I want tests done) some blood tests on me - and my new ob (who I love!) did a very comprehensive testing - and all have come back negative. So we also have no explanation for why Nathaniel did not make it. I don't think an answer would have made it any easier - either way it doesn't change the outcome. So if they have not done tests, than know you can certainly ask for them. I have had more blood taken from me than I care to think about! One day alone I had about 16 vials taken!

Hammi - glad to hear that you have Hamish's ashes at home with you. I also have Nathaniel's and it is a great comfort to me. I don't think I will ever be ready to spread his ashes etc, as I really do like keeping him with us. Also just remember if you aren't happy with your ob...then change! I had my 6 week follow up with my ob but I already knew I was going to change, so it helped me.

Hi to everyone else.

[Rozzie27]

Thanks ladies for your replies.

My OB has been great and ordered blood tests and a post-mortem. All the blood tests came back neg and we're waiting on the PM results, though initial inspection yielded nothing.

The only health problem I have I can think of that may be related is I have low levels of anti-cardiolipin antibodies, so was taking clexane for first 12 weeks, then stopped on OB's advice (after he spoke to a few hematologists). But if my understanding is correct if that were the cause it would have been from a blood clot, which they didn't find. Anyway, I have a feeling no cause will be found.

My OB has said that next preg, though he'll still be my doctor, he'll send me for regular check-ups to the public hospital, because it's a teaching hospital they're up on all the latest reading and see this sort of thing more than he does, so that's reassuring. One man can't know it all I suppose

Thanks

[jo76]

hey everyone!
thanks so much for your thoughts over the weekend. I have been quite emotional (and my poor DH has copped it all) but i am glad we were able to acknowledge his EDD. I ended up going down to the lake near our house and sat there after dropping one of our white roses into the water. It was so lovely and peaceful (and cold - bloody melb!) and i got chased by a goose but it was nice all the same. The pelicans were all out on their little platform in the middle having a wonderful time and the ducks did a little parade right in front of me all in a line so it was really nice. it is so hard to believe that around this time i may have been holding a baby or in the process of labour! It just seems like so much has changed yet nothing at all. YKWIM?
i also had our ultrasound to check if our baby was alive. Well good news! We had a strong heartbeat and the lady pointed out the beginnings of their legs and arms and the little buds for hands. She was aware of our loss with Jack as i burst into tears as soon as she said it would be an internal ultraound and i had to say last time we were there i had bad news. She had been through a later loss also so was very supportive. She explained before we started that she would not turn on the screen for me to see due to what had happened before and would let me see a screen after she was done. As sson as i saw our baby i just burst into tears again seeing that little heart beating away! She said obviously this does not set guarrantees for the future but it is a great sign for now.
if anything it has created a little fear as seeing our baby there just made me feel so vulnerable again. My Dh said we need to be positive and think good things so i really need to focus on that! And thankfully, my dates were on track so as of wednesday i am officially 9 weeks!
ok, for you guys! its been busy!
barbara - i just wanted to wish you luck for your tues ultrasound! (i'm sure you were the day after me!)
katie - feel sorry for your self, you lost a baby! We are allowed our moments and we need them i think to allow ourselves to continue to heal in any way we can. And honestly, how fast has this year flown...we may get to our due dates and wish it slowed down to enjoy our pregnancies more!
hammi - thank-you for your thoughts, its often difficult toknow what to say but the fact that you took the time to acknowledge him means the world! I also have jacks ashes and i can't imagine being far from them for now. I thought about scattering them but can't bear the thought of not having him close. In a way unexpected they will be a small comfort.
jen - please keep dropping in, i have said before, a loss is a loss at any stage and a late one is not anymore "important" (for lack of better wording!) than early ones. You have had 4 losses and i think you are incredibly strong to be able to see the positives in the future just by being here with us all! So stay, more suport and advice for us all the better!!!!
rozzie- i lost my son at 17, 5 days and gave birth to him on what would've been his 18th week. His official cause of death is unexplained...i had more blood tests than i care to imagine plus his autopsy which also revealed nothing. My OB said due to healthy pregs before he believed it would'nt happen again but was at a complete loss himself to give me an explanation, which i think due to our children knowing each other made it a little harder for him also on a personal level. Not knowing has its drawbacks for me as i am wondering if it was that easy and without actual cause the first time what can that mean for this pregnancy. But then if i had known the cause of his death, i'm sure that i would've been obseesing over any symptoms etc related anyway so its not really a "win" situation either way. Unfortuneatly for all of us here, nature is nature and i guess we can only get answers to so much. take care and we are all here for you!
thats it guys -i think its been long enough!
x

[Rozzie27]

Jo,

yes, not having a cause has both drawbacks and ironic advantages. It would have been best I guess to know a cause that could be treated and prevented for the next time. My doctor said that some consider stillbirth with no cause to be a continuation of Sudden Infant Syndrome, which usually has no reason or warning. It has risk factors (alcohol, drugs, smoking, asthma, overweight, older) but I had none of those so I can't mitigate against them anyway! Frustrating.

Thanks

[jen805]

jo-- about your ultrasound! I knew you would find a strong 9 weeks--:woot: Jack is looking after you both very well, making sure your wishes come true! Had to giggle at the thought of you being chased by a goose! DF works at a water treatment facility and there's 7 ponds of water (poop water, actually), but all kinds of ducks and birds live by these ponds. Whenever we go feed all these birds there's these 2 geese that also live there, and they've scared my kids off several times with their hissing--like snakes or something! They're big bullies to the other birds, as well, they are quite the instigators! I can picture Jack on the back of that goose chasing you around for fun, trying to make you laugh! I'm sure the show the ducks put on was all for you! BTW, thanks for the welcome, it means so much to me!


Rozzie-- I pray you get the answers you're looking for! It's great to hear that your dr. plans on staying on top of things for your next pg! Good luck, hun, you're in my prayers!


Katiegirl-- After what you've been through, don't beat yourself up for feeling like you do! Of course you would feel sad! But I'm SO happy for you that you will soon have a beautiful, healthy, baby of your own to cherish and love! I'm sure Nathaniel had a big part in this new pg and is keeping an ever-watchful eye out for his little brother or sister!


Hi to Hammi and Anthonysmom! Hope you're both doing well.....

[Katiegirl]

Hi all. Just a quick one to let you know I am having the first of my weekly u/s with my ob. As we lost Nathaniel around 15 weeks (but got to 20 without knowing) my ob has recognised that the next few weeks are going to be hard for me - so he has me booked in to see him every week up until 20. I am a bit nervous as I find scans difficult (because that is how we found out about Nathaniel) but also reassuring. I keep telling myself to be positive but sometimes fear can be overwhelming. I will let you all know how it goes.

Jo - I can't remember is I congratulated you on a wonderful 9 weeks scan? If not, than fantastic news! And I am so glad that you were able to take time out to remember Jack, even if it was an emotional experience. It sounds like the birds put on a good show for you.

Jen - thanks for your lovely words. I don't think I was quite prepared for how I would feel about my friend's baby. DH's dad said he was talking to the father and he mentioned that they are well aware of how difficult this is going to be for us. They have always been lovely and she especially has always been very sensitive. I think we will go back in about 2-3 weeks as then the baby won't be quite so newborn. I have been having quite a few tears about Nathaniel lately. I think it is the realisation that he would be with us now if he had made it. How are you doing?

Barbara - just wanted to see how you are going and if the BT had all been good?

TM - I read in the other thread that AF has arrived again. I am sorry that this is taking longer than you want it to. I hope you are not too disappointed

Hammi - I hope you are doing ok as well?

Simba - not sure if you are still checking this thread much but hello anyway. Did you end up going to the S&K support group? I didn't and for some reason I have started to feel a little guilty as SIDS have been so wonderful. I will definitely be going to the Frances Perry night this month.

That is all until I have the scan - take care and big hugs

[Simba]

hi all havent been on for a while so will take me a bit to catch up on what's been happening.

Rozzie - sorry for the loss of your son your heart must be just breaking right now. sending you big hugs. welcome to thread i am so glad for you that you have found your way here as it will give so much support. i took a few months to find my way here but as soon as i did it helped so much. obviously i wish we all didnt have a reason to be here but ykwim. feel free to share as much or as little as you like we are all here to listen and be there for you. as you were talking about reasons my little lani had a knot in her cord. she lived for 16 days but her brain had been damaged from the lack of oxygen so she couldnt survive. so for me i have a reason and yes maybe it does help sometimes to know that it wasnt anything i or anyone could have done but at the end of the day it doesnt make it easier, she still isnt here. so for you i hope that you get the answers you need but dont beat yourself up i am sure that you did all that you could do. take care of yourself and thinking of you.

jen - of course you are welcome here. yes we have all had different journeys to get here but we all feel the same pain and also the love for our children that we lost. i really hope your TTC journey is a short one.

jo - congrats on reaching 9 weeks! glad too that you special day to remember jack turned out so well even with the cold melb weather and the goose (maybe that was jack trying to make you giggle)!

katie - no i didnt end up going to the s&k meeting. i had thought about it but i ended up having a late meeting at work and have been really tired lately so decided to give it a miss. i still might go to another one down the track though. but will definitely be going to the frances perry one in a few weeks. good luck with your weekly scans - although they will be a little tough i hope they also give you the reasurance that you need to keep going each day.

Hammi - hope your visit to the ob goes ok.

Barbara - hope that you are going ok. i will check the other thread to see if you have posted in there.

TM - sorry to hear that AF has arrived - what a tough journey you are having. sending you big hugs.

As for me - all is going well. i will be having my 12 week scan next tuesday so counting down the days for that. the hunger and tiredness has really kicked in this week so i guess that is all a sign that things are still going well in there. havent quite sorted out my work situation yet but its close so will let you know soon. anyway think i will head off to the couch (my second bed!!)

take care all....

sim

[Katiegirl]

Hi Rozzie - I am very sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope you find comfort and understanding here with us. I found out at 20 weeks that our son Nathaniel had passed away aroun 15 weeks. We have all had losses at different stages from the 2nd trimester so most of us in here were not close to full term. So please know that you are most welcome to join us in this journey we are all on. We had chromosomal tests performed and all came back negative. My original ob after persuading from me (more like me saying - I want tests done) some blood tests on me - and my new ob (who I love!) did a very comprehensive testing - and all have come back negative. So we also have no explanation for why Nathaniel did not make it. I don't think an answer would have made it any easier - either way it doesn't change the outcome. So if they have not done tests, than know you can certainly ask for them. I have had more blood taken from me than I care to think about! One day alone I had about 16 vials taken!

Hammi - glad to hear that you have Hamish's ashes at home with you. I also have Nathaniel's and it is a great comfort to me. I don't think I will ever be ready to spread his ashes etc, as I really do like keeping him with us. Also just remember if you aren't happy with your ob...then change! I had my 6 week follow up with my ob but I already knew I was going to change, so it helped me.

As for me, I had a mini breakdown today. DH is working from home and I have taken the day off because I am tired (I am always tired at the moment), and we got a text from our friend's saying their baby was born this morning - a boy. We were due a couple of weeks before them, so whilst I am happy for them it just makes me feel like we have been waiting a long time for our baby. So I had a cry and DH was very lovely and understood why I felt this way. The feeling of loss, really never goes away - it eases but it never goes away. DH kept reminding me that we will have this baby in November but I am tired of waiting. So that is me feeling sorry for myself.

Hi to everyone else.