I have to apologise as I've been reading your posts for a few days and have not had the courage to post one of my own. Sadly we lost our baby girl Charlie on June 14 at 23 wks and DH and I are now working through the decision about when to ttc again. We are thinking September which will be third cycle since we had Charlie.
As you all know the decision comes with such mixed emotions... part excitement, part sadness, part fear. I wish none of you had went through what you have, but i'm grateful that you have in that it has helped me feel that I'm not the only person in the world who is going through this.
I was wondering what it was for each of you that let you know you were ready to ttc again. Both DH and I feel like we are ready, even though at the time when we lost Charlie I did not think I would ever have the courage to get pregnant again. I went from that to needing desparately to be pregnant again but feeling like it was inappropriate and being too scared to tell anyone.
I have absolutely no concerns that I am trying to replace Charlie, she has her very own place in my heart and I think people who suggest you are trying to do that have no idea, but I do want that feeling of being pregnant back and hopefully the happy ending with a beautiful baby to take home.
I don't know if any of that makes sense but anyway... hi from me and thank you for all your support... even if you haven't been aware you've been giving it!!
Hi MrsRobbo - I am so sorry to read about the loss of your baby girl Charlie. I am glad you have found your way here as you will find plenty of support and comfort. It is a sad fact that we are all hear because we are walking similar paths. I hope you are doing okay and have plenty of support. There is nothing more heartbreaking or lonely than losing a much wanted baby.
We knew straight away that we would want to TTC as soon as possible. I was told to wait 1 cycle (we lost Nathaniel in Dec and I had a D&C) and my then Ob said that my body would not allow me to fall preg until it was ready. We then started TTCing properly in Jan and fell preg in Feb. I am now 26 weeks. I think because Nathaniel was our first baby we felt the desperate need to try again to help with the grieving process. This baby I am now carrying will never replace Nathaniel, but it has helped to ease my pain a little. At the time I honestly felt that it would be forever before I got have another baby but time is thankfully moving forward
Take care
Last edited by Katiegirl; August 1st, 2008 at 09:29 AM.
: changed last sentence to make more sense!
When I first learned we had lost our son I wondered how I'd ever be able to handle pregnancy again, but within a few hours we had decided we wanted to try again as soon as possible. We had tried for a year to get pregnant and it felt like we'd already waited too long and didn't want to wait any longer. Plus, I was like you in that I really wanted to be pregnant again. The other thing is we want a largish family so didn't want to put it off too long.
My cycle was a bit odd for a while, I thought AF had returned after 7 weeks but it was very light, then only 2 and 1/2 weeks later I had a proper one. We got pregnant on that cycle fortunately.
I think that because your loss is still so recent, you have plenty of time to decide when it feels right for you, so my advice is just to concentrate on feeling your loss, healing together and trying to take care of yourself physically so that when you do feel ready you'll be in good shape. I found a walk every day very therapeutic, even if I cried during it!
Helen - Bugger about AF arriving . Well fingers crossed for next month. What did you end up getting up to on your birthday night??? Thinking of you about the 38 week mark. I can not fully comprehend what you are feeling, but will be thinking of you.
Paula - to our group. I am so sorry to hear about your little angel Charlie. I have only had losses before 12 weeks and that is hard enough!!! Big hugs and I look forward to getting to know you.
Tildy, Rozzie & Katie - how are you all feeling? Any symptoms??? A big hello to you all and belly rubs.
Lan - hello and how are you going?? whats your progress???
Well for me, I havent tested yet. Absolutely too scared to.... feel like I am still getting AF and I still do have spotting - hasnt increased. I am scared as with previous pregnancies I didnt spot, unless I lost. So I think this is started to be a bad omen and I don't want to know if I have lost again.... though this has happened once before and my tests where negative and my cycle just went haywire......
I walked into the office this morning, one of the girls in my team said "how are you" and I burst into tears. I've been pretty stressed at work but also the fact that August starts today is a bit all too much.
My AF this cycle is really weird - TMI coming up....
... it's usually bright red but this one started brown, turned dark red and now back to browny-red. I wonder if my "plugging" did that. Or maybe it's just my state of mind.
Welcome Paula. I'm very sorry that you've had to join us but I'm glad we can offer you support in a situation you never should have to face. Take your time to think about TTC but don't wait too long. I've gone from wanting to get pregnancy right now to be super scared and thinking that maybe I'm not meant to have a living baby.
I love all the additional tickers in here. Go you good mammas!
Hi, gals. I'm feeling pretty good today -- that is, I'm feeling a little bit sick to my stomach, which makes me feel good.
Paula -- I'm so sorry. All I can say is that this forum has been really important in me feeling gradually better.
Doctors always say such different things about when THEY think you should try again -- wait until after your first normal period, wait 3 months, wait 6 months, etc... but I read a thousand times on the net and heard from my own doctor that there are little to no medical reasons for them saying that, but rather that they're trying to trick you into taking the time to heal emotionally. We were told there was no medical reason not to start again once I'd stopped bleeding and the infection risk was over.
And that's what we did, because any reason a doctor or counselor can give as to why I should wait 3 months or 6 months just doesn't fit my situation (and I don't see how it can fit anyone's situation). Now is my TMI: The "trying" before my first period came wasn't much to speak of -- we simply didn't use protection whenever we had sex, and of course we had little or no way of knowing when I might ovulate or how things were going there before the first period. We were intimate more often than usual, as we're typically not frequent hay-rollers, but emotionally I needed the affection. I cried the first few times when it was over, but I still felt it was helpful for me to be close with my husband. After I did get my first AF we tried really actively and intensely and now I'm pregnant after only 2 cycles.
Yes, I'm going to worry, LOADS, that this baby will pass as well. I've already noticed that I'm much more muted and less excited about this pregnancy, and that is most likely a subconscious defense mechanism.
However, I wouldn't be less worried if I waited a year to try again. I wouldn't be more happy or optimistic or excited. And I certainly wouldn't feel any better right now if I weren't pregnant. All I would have done is prolong my worry and sadness and "What if?" thinking, and furthermore, feel more like a victim; feel even more robbed. My second chance is now, and I don't feel "perfect" but I believe I feel the best that I can and that I've made the right choice.
I will admit that it makes a difference that it went really quickly for me to get pregnant again, and since I know that every AF when TTC and feeling the way we do is a crisis, I understand why they say it might not be right for everyone to start trying again right away. I think some people do need to let some time pass so they can be strong enough to handle both the sadness of each AF that comes and the worry that kicks in as soon as the BFP comes. I just know that I was not that person; I'm a person who suffers panic-level impatience and knew that strength would not come to me until I had this new life inside me.
I'm feeling sad for Lan today, because I can see that you're dealing with a lot emotionally. I know it's hard that it's August now, just as I know it'll be hell in October when my EDD comes and exatly then I'll be 16 weeks pregnant, just about where I was when I lost my baby. I will probably be a wreck. I'm sad that you're scared of trying again, but if I may be boringly logical -- we're scared of being pregnant again because we're scared of losing another baby and another chance at having a lovely little child -- but we won't have that child if we never take that chance. It's seems grim, I know, but I know you'll get there.
I'm on edge for Sue, too. Hoping for the best.
Nice to see Rozzie's ticker, too! Shall we race each other to April?
I'm at my parents house for the weekend as DH went skiing with his family (I can't ski, and wasn't up for the in-law family reunion). When I arrived my father was asleep and when he woke up I pointed out there was a message on the machine for him... he played it and it was my mother saying that he should get rid of the photos of my sister's newborn baby on the fridge before I arrive. Too late!
I've been thinking I want to try to have a natural birth, which is contentious because I had a C-section with Edward. The problem is each successive C-section makes the next pregnancy riskier, and I want 3-4 children (not sure how realistic that is but I live in hope). The other problem is that with the blood thinners I'm on, the usual course of action is to go off the meds then induce, but induction increases the risk of rupture for VBACs. Catch 22!!! Plenty of time to work things out I guess.
Have been having a few pangs in the womb, think I remember that from last time... anyway I figure what will be will be and worrying about a M/C won't prevent it so there's no point... not that I think that will happen, I feel confident everything will be OK. That may change once I hit 22 weeks!
Lan, I feel for you, dealing with an impending EDD is so hard. I also know how you feel when you say you wonder if you're meant to have a baby... when I found out that my blood condition could have caused the loss I wondered if I might never have a baby, but here I am pregnant, receiving treatment and I feel that it will work out. It will work out for you too. Your AF is probably just working itself out, mine were very odd and different after birth too.
Sue, fingers crossed, I hope it's your month!!
Tildy, I agree with all your comments. Pregnancy is scary now but it's the only way to have the baby we want! It also feels right to be preggers again.
Paula, Tildy is right about the recommendations of doctors, I think physically your body won't ovulate unless it's ready to be pregnant again. I think it's a bit different with a full term loss because of the stress on the body but for 2nd trimester losses you should be able to try soon. I was told to wait 2 cycles but that's only because I had a surgical birth and the scar needed to heal.
Helen, good luck for this cycle... the only good thing about AF arriving is you know things are working and you can try again soon!
Oh Paula, I remember that first posting. I did the same stalked the threads for a while, quietly approached Hammi to befriend, which was great as she gently coaxed me to join this thread. The feelings that you go through on this journey are such a primal instinct, we lost Cooper at 23wks+5days, to an infection. He lived only 15 mins. We knew before he was born that we would try again as soon as we could. It took my body about 3 months to get a normal period back, which in a way I am grateful for. I so desperately wanted to get pregnant, but this time has allowed the anxiety about TTC leave and let the nurturing overtake. I have just had my first 'real cycle' pass, and now I am looking to the future with great optimism, don't get me wrong, there are days that are horrible, but my love for another child is calmly overwhelming. You are your time frame, and you and DH will know when that time is right. You have found a fantastic group of ladies here that will support, laugh & cry with you.
hello everyone
. Well fingers crossed for next month. What did you end up getting up to on your birthday night??? Thinking of you about the 38 week mark. I can not fully comprehend what you are feeling, but will be thinking of you.
to our group. I am so sorry to hear about your little angel Charlie. I have only had losses before 12 weeks and that is hard enough!!! Big hugs and I look forward to getting to know you.
welcome
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