Rozzie -- sounds great so far. I think it can often be hard to see a heartbeat on those early internal scans, and maybe you had one of the many doctors who sticks his foot in his mouth. It's sometimes hard for them to say things without making us worry, too -- I was at the doctor's just now and they always seem to leave me with more worries than answers. I think and hope that things will be fine.
Helen -- yeah, my DH would be on the not-so-in-touch side. Or maybe he's super in-touch with his emotions but rarely has any! :P I imagine that might have made it tough to deal with the EDD in the way you needed if he is emotionally different. I think I'm going to have to find a way around that when our EDD comes, because I feel I have to do something but think I'll end up getting my feelings hurt if I try to get him to participate fully.
Sue -- same questions as Lan, how does it work, this frostie business?
Katie -- I hope you have a good time at this 30th party. I never responded about it ini the Pregnancy thread, but I remember you getting angry over them wanting to drink and smoke in the car. I completely understood your rant. Especially for me, I come from a very non-drinking background and will never adjust to how Swedes can't have a good time without booze. We've been to lots of weddings this summer and one of my closest friends was in her 9th month of pregnancy at 2 of them, and her husband got pretty sloshed at both of them ("She can't drink anyway, so she can drive!"). I just pointed DH in his direction and was like, "I know he's your best friend, but when that time comes for us, BIG NO NO."
Lan -- I'm so sorry for the heartache you had to go through on your EDD. But I think it will make you stronger. I think that seeing your DH cry like that is very bittersweet and you will always know that he loves and grieves Hamish, too. A lot of us are envious that you have that kind of guy!
Jo -- have you gotten any results yet? Or am I way too early?
I've been to the doctor today, a follow-up after the unsatisfying trip to the emergency room. This one also managed to say "bleeding usually means miscarriage, but I suppose you might be lucky." Last time I wished they'd been more honest with me and less encouraging, but now I'm wishing they'd start lying through their teeth a little. But I guess I also noticed that I don't believe her. I don't believe that my bleeding is a bad omen, and I think things are going to be okay this time, or at least they are okay so far. Otherwise she was good and answered my questions, and talked about what she saw, which most of them don't do. Cervix was good, embryo was the perfect size with a good little ticker (though I ALWAYS have a hard time seeing it, though DH says he saw it loud and clear), she saw some blood but said it looked like such a small amount and was definitely old, she thought things looked great. And actually the bleeding calmed down over the weekend and was totally absent yesterday. They even did a urine test and checked for infections and such. So she was at least thorough.
Now, at this point in my last pregnancy, I'd had one bright red gush of blood and they had plucked out a tiny bit of "pregnancy tissue" that had gotten stuck in my cervix and was keeping it open. Things are different this time!
I'm getting some sort of cold or sinus infection now, so I've made an executive decision -- no work this week. I'm going to rest and rest and rest some more, and hopefully, if it stops raining, take some short walks so that I don't totally turn to jelly.
Basically the "frostie" business is when I had IVF in Feb, I only had one embryo put in at that stage (which is called a fresh cycle). 1 lonely little embryo was left over and so they waited a few more days and decided this little "frostie" was suitable for freezing.
Well as my first little embryo did implant, but unfortunately I lost the bubs at 12 weeks, so we are giving the little frozen embryo a chance.
Basically, I don't have to have any drugs, they have just waited until I ovulated (which was Sat) and then they wait for a few days (so my progesterone increases naturally) and then they defrost the embryo (fingers crossed it survives the defrosting) and then put it in and hopefully it implants and off we go again....
If this doesnt work this month, I am off again for a full cycle of IVF with all the drugs etc to cultivate some more eggs....
Back again - I've been off having, well I can only call it a complete emotional breakdown. Its strange how you can feel like you are getting somewhere then BOOM out of the blue it hits. Its taken close to 4 months to realise that my Alex has really gone forever. I think there was a small part of my brain hoping that somehow this would all be fixed and one morning I would wake up and have him with us at home.
I'm having flashbacks and dreams now. I think it was all a little blurry but now some of the terrifying parts about Alex's birth and death, have really come to the forefront. Has anyone else experienced this?
So much has happened with you guys. Congrats to Rozzie and Hammi. It certainly gives me hope to see that you guys have done it. Glad everyone else is travelling well.
Oh Danek, I am sorry to hear that. I did have a time when I would look at my baby's photos and just see death - no beauty, no perfection, not the baby that I usually see but plain cold death. I was having a really hard time but it did pass and I have had much better days since.
What are you up to now. Are you considering TTC again or have you got a timeframe? It helps to have some sort of goal to aim for otherwise you only have the past to dwell on. I'm very good at lecturing because I lecture myself all the time.
BTW, it's the lovely Tildy and Rozzie who are preggers. Not me. I don't feel that my body is right yet. Crazy cycles etc. which I want to tame before TTC again. I'm hoping by October.
Good luck for tomorrow Sue.
Tildy, just reading the "miscarriage" comment that the emergency staff said to you annoyed me. At least they did do proper checks afterwards. Did they say where the blood came from? Is it near the bub?
Thanks Helen and Katie for your kind words of understanding. You know how much the right words can mean!
Last edited by Hammi; August 19th, 2008 at 01:23 PM.
hey everyone...
danek - i am probably the least good mindframe person to talk you right now, but i could'nt not say that i at least understand exactly how you feel. i had tjose moments after Jack, i would be doing ok and then it would hit me like a ton of bricks. And now that i have lost Madison too i am terrified of that same thing again. I am almost still in denial a bit at the moment and i am so worried about when the true grieving starts. (which i imagine will be at her service and cremation.) I truely believe there is'nt a "time" that we should get over something like losing a child, a part of it will remain with us always. but if you feel it is something you can't control, please get someone to talk to and help you clear your heart and mind a little.
sue - i am hoping with everything i have that this frostie sticks for you! i look forward to some wonderful news!!!
katie - now that i am back on the other side again - DO NOT LEAVE! I think you will continue to inspire all of us who are dreaming of another baby! i have sent you a pm!
hammi - to you also, a pm reply!
tildy - you are so strong and just amazing! keep holding tight to those positive thoughts and continue to demand the treatment and answers that you deserve! I also have one of those husbands - we have had a few fights about how quickly he moved on from Jack but i know that having a late loss for a 2nd time now with Madison, hit home a little more. My OB even said how "gutted" he looked in hospital and recommended he get some counselling which he would NEVER do. It does make it hard when we continue to grieve and hold tighter to memories and they don't seem to fully understand why we do that.
rozzie -continuing to cross those fingers and toes on wed, but all is sounding much better for you! yay!
helen - i think it is wonderful you went away with no distractions and allowed you and DH to spend some much needed time together. Its such a tough time and you both will be stronger for it! take care of you!!! xx
thanks so much for your constant thoughts everyone! It means so much! love and hugs to you all!
jo
You're an amazing woman to have the strength to offer others support at this time. I hope the service for your baby girl goes well and doesn't hit you too hard. Wishing you and your DH and kiddies lots of hugs!
oops! forgot to fill you all in on my OB visit yesterday...
unfortuneately no real updates except that my Ob continues to be in as much shock as me over this happening twice and he has said thathe wants to see me after the autopsy results have come in so we can discuss what it holds for my future. He said time is still on my side as i am only 32 and healthy (unless tests say otherwise!) so to not give up hope. He DID make the huge mistake of calling her passing a "termination" as i had to be induced. It really made me cringe in the worst possible way as i did not CHOSE to terminate, i really think it was a horrible medical term to use and he knew after he said it as i got upset. I think he needs an answer about what happened almost the same as me as he went through my file and looked at everything and just sat shaking his head. he had a poor OB student there and at first i did'nt want him to sit in as i was given a choice but then i thought well he won't always have happy endings either so here is your training starting with me! When i got upset he could'nt even look at me so then i was feeling bad for him! bloody emotions!!!!
Then last night i had a blood clot (warning TMI!!!) that i could actually feel coming out about the size of a small strawberry! I had really heavy bleeding after jack and for months (katie you'll remember my complaints) which i found out when i was having madison, was probably due to an unfinished D&C and they said i should have gone back to hospital and had another one done. So then this clot thing happened even though my placenta passed naturally this time and it was out of the blue as my bleeding has been almost nothing this time round. i am not sure wether to wait it out another couple of days and see what happens or just to go to the docs. I am in no pain, just mild cramping which is to be expected as everything goes back to normal. They said the bleeding should only be around 2-3 weeks which seems very on track this time. i dunno...i am almost giving up on this body of mine!
When i got upset he could'nt even look at me so then i was feeling bad for him!
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