Firstly Im sorry to hear of your loss TM. Hang in there, the limbo doesnt last forever, but I know exactly what you mean.
Im not sure if Im really ready for joining here but .......
I have just had my 7th loss. 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I thought I was 17 weeks but the baby died a while before I had the ultrasound.
I still feel a bit in limbo but I thought I would poke my head in and say Hi and at least introduce myself cos who knows what the future holds. Im seeing my GP to see if she can refer me to someone, maybe the FS that Ive seen before. My OB wanted me to go to Westmead Foetal Medicine unit, but I dont know of any other options, Im going to research and see where I can go and who I can see. I would dearly love some suggestions if anyone could help. Im half way between Canberra and Sydney so I can easily get to either.
I have been doubting myself and feeling really depressed about having to move on with my life and forgetting about trying again. I feel so pressured by others opinions and thought maybe I was going a bit mad and just stupidly obsessed with having more kids. But I think it was just the usual greiving time and feeling down and I was reading into it too much. I actually feel really WELL. Like I have energy and have lost a bit of weight and more motivation for housework than I usually have. This has happened strangely after every miscarriage. About 2-3 weeks after I pick up all of a sudden and feel unusually good. Weird!!!
After reading some posts on here and the extensive info that Flowerchild has provided in the sticky thread about foetal death and miscarriage info, I feel reassured that Im not insane and just generally relaxed about the direction I want my life to go now. Its strange I know that I cant just be confident with what I want in life but I have always had low self esteem and Im very easily influenced and upset. You would think in knowing this that I could be more aware when its happening but I dont and it affects me. I feel stupid for it. Dh is very supportive and he doesnt think Im insane, he just wants me to be happy and would love more kids too. If I want to go through the stress of it all again then I have his support, and my Mum but thats it, no-one else. My good friends and all the inlaws think Im mad, and there really isnt anyone else that I feel close enough to to discuss it. I feel lonely without BB !!! At least there are others that have been through similar and want more kids on here. Anyhoo I will hang around here and keep up to date with everyone.
Last edited by stickybaby; December 11th, 2008 at 07:33 PM.
Oh Stickybaby, welcome to our little corner of the world, I did read (& posted) about your loss in the preg thread, I haven't had enough courage myself to jump over there yet. You have been through such unimaginable heartache, I just want to reach through the screen and hug you! I hope you find some strength with us here, I know I have. No one can walk in your shoes and tell you what is right or wrong, you are the only one who knows what 'fits', try not to let negative people destroy your dreams, I know it is hard esp with family. Thankfully you sound like you have a wonderful DH and mum, lean on them and us to help you through.
Hi Stickybaby. One of the pregnant girls in this thread told us about your recent loss and we all feel so much for you. You're not alone in wanting more babies and following your heart, it's just that life hasn't been kind to you. I don't have any earth babies but I know the what it feels like to lose a much wanted and dearly loved little baby all too well. I'm glad you feel OK right now but there'll be ups and downs and it's OK if you feel like coming in here another time and telling us that you hate everybody. As for your question about where to from here. I'm in Sydney and have just started seeing Dr Andrew Pesce at Westmead Private. He was recommended to me by Spring Angel and I must admit that I liked him on sight. I'm not sure of his experience with recurrent losses though. Take care.
We've had so many new ladies join us lately. It's heartbreaking the reason why you're here but I'm glad we can offer you support because there are days when I would positively go insane if it weren't for you guys here.
Now personals...
How are you going, dear Jo? What did you do on Madison's EDD? Are you going to her portrait done? I would love to see her as I feel like I know her so well through your description. Are you skipping TTC this month or next?
Paula, is that ionic foot thing where the water turns all dark from all the toxins released from your body? I've heard of it but never seen or tried. I love all that kind if stuff! But you're right, best not TTC after you've just done that. Have you bought your K-mart Gift Tree pressie yet? I HAVE to do that this weekend. We also donated to two charities - one from me, one from David and the K-mart pressie will be from Ham.
Katie, how is the b/f progressing? I can imagine how sore and sorry you would be from all the effort. You've been through so much to get here, I hope this b/f business will sort itself out so you can take a big breath and truly relax into being an earth mummy.
Sue, you p#ss pot. How did your anniversary go? I am so excited that you're almost 19wks, it seems not that long ago that we were all amazed at delighted at your surprise BFP.
Helen, why are you lurking? I miss you! Are you successfully keeping DH at bay? Are you going to join the celibacy club for the remainder of your pregnancy? Heee. Congrats on graduating to 2nd trimester.
TM, has it started happening yet? Hang in there. That sounds so lame but please hang in there. I always remember how Paula once said that if only our future selves could come back now and tell us that eventually things go way we would not feel so helpless and heartbroken. Your future self is out there, holding that earth baby, you have to believe.
Laney, the u/s pic in your sig is so cute! I didn't know that placentas made sounds. Aren't they stuck to the uterus wall? How's supersize baby going? Any hints of kicks yet?
Megan, oooh, not long till you start TTC. We have got to get a wave of BFP's in here to try to outnumber the preggy girls! You, me, Jo, Paula, Diana, TM and Stickbaby... got to put some effort in for the new year!
Hi Stickybaby. I am so glad you have come to this thread as you will find all the women here wonderfully supportive and compassionate. You should never worry about why you feel the need for more children - you are a mother and it is natural that you want to have another baby. Do not let other people make you doubt your instincts. I know it is hard sometimes especially considering how vulnerable you are after suffering yet another loss, but trust in your instincts and ignore people telling you to feel 'happy' with what you have. No one can understand the deep desire a mother has after a loss for another child unless they themselves have suffered a loss. I think you are coping amazingly well given all you have gone through.
Also - a big hello and welcome to the other new ladies - I feel terrible for not having welcomed you all earlier. This is a really special place filled with incredibly special women. I hope you find the support and comfort you need in your TTC journeys.
Stickybaby, I am glad that you decided to join us for some support. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this again. Has your doctor ever talked to you about giving heparin and low dose aspirin a try? I am very surprised that they would have let you go through so much heartache without giving any treatments a try. My OB told me that he gives it to women that have had repeated earlier losses as well as very late ones.
Lan, I can hear the placents because it has lots of blood moving through it right now. On the doppler it sounds like wind or a drawn out woosh. I have to listen for the baby through it because it is on the front wall of my uterus. I didn't realize what it was until the doctor told me.
I haven't felt any movement yet. I felt Shelby at about 15 weeks, so soon I hope.
Jo, How are you doing? I hope you are starting to recover from a the difficult few weeks.
Stickbaby -- welcome to the thread. Remember, we know you're NOT mad! *hug*
Yeah, about the doppler and the placenta... when the MW listened for a heartbeat with her doppler at our week 20 appointment, we learned that we'd been listening to the placenta the whole time with our home doppler rather than the actual heartbeat. But we got her to admit that it's same same -- the heart beat is like little horse hooves and the baby's circulation through the placenta sounds just like "whoosh whoosh whoosh" 150 times a minute or so, but it's the same speed as the heartbeat and, as the MW said, is just as good as the heartbeat for acknolwedging that the baby is still ticking!
This baby is tick-tick-ticking on my bladder all day long :P
Damnit!!! I had such a long reply and of course hit a button and it disappeared
Stickybaby, I'm so glad you've found your way here, it's a wonderful group of supportive women.
Firstly, please don't base your decision on what others think. If you want to try again and DH is supportive that is all that matters (having a great Mum helps too!!). People who have not lost a baby cannot possibly understand what it's like so they can't really offer valuable advice. Expressing an opinion is one thing, but they should also respect and support your choices. I think if you base your decision on what other people think you may look back in 10 or 20 years and regret it.
Secondly, I can personally recommend the professor at the fetal medicine unit at the Canberra hospital. He's also the main obstetrics lecturer at the ANU, and I have seen him in newspaper articles on pregnancy problems/issues so he's something of an authority. He's also very open to your wishes regarding treatment. For instance it wasn't a clear cut case of me requiring heparin but it was what I wanted so he was happy to go along with that. He's also nice and sensitive. He does pre-pregnancy counselling but you have to book a few months in advance (I had booked in but was pregnant two months prior to the appontment so ended up seeing him a lot sooner!). You can do all pregnancy care through the unit and they are very thorough with the ultrasounds.
Thirdly, I don't know what kind of tests you've had but try and get copies of the results to take with you to whomever you end up seeing. Educating youself on the results and what they men can also help, some doctors do miss things.
I'm so glad that you're up and about and still functioning after the loss of your last baby. You're very brave and strong and a wonderful mother, your kids are very lucky.
Hi to everyone else, I should be leaving for work so I don't have time for personals, will write soon!!
Qucik question, did anyone struggle with when to buy baby stuff?? I have not bought anything yet... half of me doesn't want to 'jinx' it I suppose, half of me wants to be totally positive and another half (I'm three halves!) is worried that if something were to go wrong I'd have no keepsakes. We didn't but much for Edward so it's not like we have a lot already. I went to the movies on Wednesday night with a girl from work, and beforehand I had an hour or so in town so I thought I'd buy a couple of small things but just couldn't... going into a baby shop just made me sad that I was never able to do it for Edward. I think I just don't much like being in shops by myself anymore!!!
We have Alec's cousin's wedding thing this evening (he married a Polish girl in Poland so now it's the Australian relatives' thing), I'm not looking forward to the questions from some... his grandfather's girlfriend is soooo irritating (the most annoying 85 year old you could come across!) so I think I'll just have to walk away.
Other than that bubs is doing great, really active and I love being in new pregnancy territory, getting bigger and kicks getting stronger. Only one more week of work till Chrissy and I can't wait!!!
Katiegirl, MrsRobbo, dd0207: thanks for your kind words and wishes
stickybaby: I could really relate to your post when you said about doubting yourself and listening to other peoples' opinions. DH and I have a couple close friends we told about this last preg, but when you lose so many like you and I have, it gets tiring telling people you're pregnant and then having to un-tell them. And although people mean well, sometimes they don't understand the desire for "one more" baby. It's cliche, but you really have to follow your own heart on this one, and not listen to other people. THEY don't have to live your life, but you do.
Hammi: I had some strong cramping this morning, and on and off all day, but no bleeding yet. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Tildy: happy for you!
Rozzie27: this was only an issue with our first, but we started buying things for him after the 20 week mark. (for my daughters, we already had the stuff, obviously). Best of luck!
how are you all doing. So much stuff going on with everyone!
Lan, to answer your question... yes the detox foot bath was the thing with all the black/brown gunk coming out. I was a bit skeptical but to be honest I have felt amazing ever since. Between that and the progesterone cream I really feel like I am in pretty good shape. I have also been following a mostly raw food eating plan. I'm vego, mostly vegan and have completely cut out preservatives and sugar. It is amazing how much better I feel for it.
DH and I are getting very excited about ttc next month. Every now and then though the 'what if' thought pops in my head and I completely freak out. I think all you PG women, and those that have recently suffered more losses are so incredibly brave. I just hope I find some of that courage when I do finally get my BGP. At least I'll know that I have done everything I possibly can to give this bub a fighting chance.
Sue: goss please on anniversary dinner. sounded like it could get racy!!
Helen, Laney and Rozzie: I know you've probably said already but if forgot, when are next scans etc. Sue yours must be just around the corner is it.
TM: I hope you are doing ok. I was telling DH about you last night and talking about how awful you must feel right now. Our thoughts are with you.
Sticky: so sad you had to come back here, but welcome. I heard about your loss through one of the other girls on here and my heart goes out to you. Have you had any testing done at all. Were all your losses early. My only suggestion is to have your progesterone levels checked. I say that to everyone because it has helped me so much and all the research I have done link it so heavily with pregnancy. Anyway, if its testing you want to know about you're in the right spot. I'm sure between all of us here we've had every test known to man done! Don't be shy in asking us questions. We'd love to help in any way we could.
Katie: i'm gonna to that skinny white ass whooping thing again if you don't post more pics of baby Anna soon!! seriously though, i hope the BF is sorting itself out. Once you nail it, it is very rewarding and you get such a strong connection.
And what a collection of ttcers we are getting. Correct me if I'm wrong but we now have Jo, Lan, Megan, Diana and myself and possibly Sticky. Did I forget anyone. Let me know if I did! Ok everyone stand in a big circle and I'm going to sprinkly some super powered baby dust over all of us. Then we can all dance around chanting to some funky ttc beats and have a riot of a time.
There I feel good to go, how bout everyone else!!
Ok, gotta run. Love to all and take care of yourselves!
Well we had a fantastic time at our anniversary dinner. I totally love the Summit, it looks over the lights of Adelaide and it has the best food. I had my glass of Rose' and it was very nice. Though I felt bubs a lot more while drinking it!!!!! which I totally loved.
Racy night!!! no, not quite... he he he DH & I still havent "done the deed" since we found out we are pregnant. I think we are going to wait until after the 20 week scan. I think we are both nervous about having some bleeding (especially since I am on asprin) and then I would be freaking out!!!! Sad isnt it....
1 week until the 20 week scan I feel I have waiting so long. I have only been getting little bits of movement and then start to panic about it, but I think it is quite normal for 1st time pregnancies. I just want to feel bubs more.....
Stickybaby - Welcome to our thread. I am so sorry you are joining us. I am the same as Helen, have posted a couple of times in the pregnancy thread and can't seem to move from here.... I want you to know that my heart broke for you and your DH when I read your post, it really really effected me and I was considering not coming back to this site. I was so happy that you have joined us and look forward to getting to know you. Now please don't listen to others, until they walk in our shoes, they will not understand. You and DH and the perfect ones to make the decision of TTC again and we look forward to helping you in your journey.
Rozzie - totally understand where you are coming from regarding purchasing things. DH is getting excited about setting up the room and I keep on holding him back. Though I have said that if all is OK in the 20 week scan, in the new year we will go out shopping.
Tempus - thinking of you.
Paula - fingers crossed for a good fun month for you and DH .... BFP for you next month.
Tildy - with the doppler machine - it doesnt matter what you heard, its what keeps you sane. I am so glad everything is going so well for you.
Helen - you have been quite lately - Come On I need some more info on how you are going????
To the rest of you TTC, have fun and I all hope to hear of quite a few more BFP next month.
Hi lovely ladies, just a quick one today as am a bit busy.
First up, Lan read your private message from me pleeeease. Desperate to talk to you.
Stickybaby, I am so very sorry for your loss and welcome to this thread. I hope the new year is kinder to you.
TM, thinking of you honey.
Sue, sounds like you had a lovely night out and look forward to all the details on your next scan.
Paula, I am dancing and chanting away as suggested and calling out your name as well as Lan, Megan, Jo, Paula, TM, Stickbaby and myself. We will not only get a wave of BFPs soon, I can feel a tsunami coming!
Hi to all our pregnant ladies. Hope babies are all kicking madly.
AFM, had my IUI on Tuesday. Going for progesterone test on 16th then pregnancy test on the 23rd. Oh how I am so hoping for an early Xmas present.
Lots of love to everyone.
Last edited by dd0207; December 12th, 2008 at 05:58 PM.
Im sorry it has taken me a while to get back to this thread...but I just wanted to thankyou all so much for you lovely welcomes. I have had 3 bood tests since I wrote and they each showed nicely rising HCG levels which are right on track so it seems as though everything is ok for now. Each of my 3 chem pregnancies showed no rise in hcg they just reached a certain level and then stopped, and the level was always low, hence the reason my hpt never got any darker as days went on. This time, after the faint test on Tues, I tested again on fri and it was very dark, something I had not seen since I fell pg with DS. Im terrified of m/c again, but I also know this one has higher HCG levels than the others and I have more symptoms, so that is a good start. Of course we are taking it one day at a time, Im still very cautious, I am under no illusion about how fragile the first 3 months of pg'cy are. Thankyou again for your warm welcomes and I wish you all a merry christmas and that the new year brings you your much deserved earth angel babies.
that the new year brings you your much deserved earth angel babies.
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