Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their kind words during this difficult time. I am really struggling with it all and have not been coping too well. I have never experienced such turmoil and heartache. Sorry for the lack of personals but I just don't have the energy right now.
Thanks again everyone - your support has gotten me through this Christmas period. xxx
Oh hun, I just want to give you a huge hug and tell you I wish I could make this heartache go away...It's just so awful to miss your little boy, he should be here. I often wonder about Joshua and what stage he'd be at, and how big he'd be now. My gut feeling is that if I was still pregnant, he would be born late Dec early Jan as my firbroid was taking a bit of room down there..Yet, there is no baby to hold and I feel really empty inside. I have Joshua's little place in my house, and he's surrounded by every angel I could find, I bought him 'Baby's First Christams' snow ball , a fireplace thingy that lights up and has a baby's christmas stocking hanging on it, and a rocking horse with a little teddy with a santa's hat on it, I have 2 photo's of Joshua and my last purchase this christams was a musical snow dome that plays twinkle, twinkle little star. Phew....the list goes on ! It makes me feel good buying little things for him ( you don't want to know what I bought for the christams tree ...) and although my DF thinks I'm going mad sometimes, I don't care. I feel good doing it, and I feel close to my little angel. I also have conversations with him in my head and then when I go to bed I talk to him and say a little prayer for him and ask my relatives to look after him until I get there, and again, I feel so close to him.
So, acknowledge your beautiful son as much as you can, because even though he never opened his eyes here on earth like Joshua, he was very much here and he is very real. One day when it's our time to go, we will be reunited with our little boys and we can give them these huge hugs and kisses and we'll never have to be apart again.
I'm sending you lots of love and suport and strength Theresa, I truly hope your suffering gets less and less each day, and you are at peace.
Well I had an Ob appointment today and I got to hear bubs kicking away and a nice strong heartbeat. We also went through the morphology scan and the Ob was saying everything was good.
Oh and I found out today that the placenta is sitting at the front of my stomach and thats the reason I cant feel bubs all the time and only when I lay on my side and bub is on its side that I feel her.
I will have to wait a little longer to get movements all the time!!! bugger.
Rozzie - I also have a few little/dont care issues as well. My hips at night are a killer and I am getting indigestion as well - and I am only in my 2nd trimester!!! I spoke to the Ob this morning about the hips and he just said "wait a bit longer and it will get worse!!!).
Beata - what do you have to go through when you have your fibroids removed????
Zachary's Mum - I am so sorry you are going through a rough time. It is so understandable and I am glad that if we helped a little, thats what this website is all about. to you....
I'm so glad everything is looking good, yey ! Too bad about the hips hurting, I'm guessing only, is it because everything there is stretching slowly ?? If that's the case, you poor thing... But, just think about the end result, a beautiful baby girl and it will all be so worth it. You can do it !!!!
Re my operation, the fibroid is going to be removed with an operation called myomectomy where they'll go into the uterus like a c cection and remove the big lump. Then they'll stich it up and I'll have to wait about 3 months ( so the uterus is healed ) to do another cycle of IVF . I'll be off work for 6 weeks ( yey !! ). I have one blast bub on ice...I'm praying this one latches on like Joshua did....The doctor told me with my next pregnancy, I'll probably have a c section at 38 weeks as there is a risk of the uterus bursting if I attempt a vaginal delivery. Bugger, I would have loved to experience it again with a full term baby, but at the end of the day, a healthy and happy baby is all that counts.
Well I wish you all the best for your operation and definately 2009 will be your year to conceive a little bubs. I will have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.
I have been down the IVF track, its can be quite daunting isnt it. We were successful first time as well, but unfortunately and this is my gut feeling and I know I am right..... I am on a drug called metformin for insulin resistance and my Ob (not the one I have now) told me to stop taking it at around 9 weeks, which I did trusting him, unfortunately my little bubs stopped growing at that stage and I MC @ 12 weeks.
I also had a little frostie, but unfortunately it didnt come out of the unfreezing stage, but I got pregnant that month naturally.
Oh Sue, she definitely is a little miracle. I'm sorry you've lost your litlle bub at 12 weeks, that terrible doctor ! You know what they say about gut feelings, they're hardly ever wrong.
The irony in my IVF journey is that initially we've had to do it because when my DF was still married to his ex wife, he had a versectomy 10 years ago ( she had lupis and they almost lost their son - he was born at 32 weeks ) so when we decided to have kids he had the reversal done, but it wasn't succesful and the sperm count was almost zero.
So we did one cycle of IVF and I got pregnant the first time, but then my fibroid palyed up and I lost Joshua because of it. My doctor ( which I never balmed, as I know from reading heaps of material on fibroids, they rarely cause a problem ) was as shocked as me at what happened. I also think ( and this is MY gut feeling ) that the IVF drugs made the fibroid very angry and it grew so big in the end that it's blood supply got cut off and it started to degenerate, sending my poor uterus into spasms ( then contractions ). I think every woman is different, and women react differently to certain things, and obviously my pregnancy hormones and the IVF drugs just made the fibroid play up.
I will feel so much better once it's removed, although I always pray that we get pregnant naturally, by some miracle. Hey, they do happen, look at you !
Beata, I always think of Lily (Sue's miracle girl) whenever I need some hope. I was reading our old post the other day and saw the one where Sue said that she just lost frostie and we were all so down for her but then she and her DH got preggers all by themselves. I hope your operation goes smoothly (it's a big and scary one!!) and that you'll get a BFP as soon as your body has recovered.
Theresa, I'm sorry you are missing your boy so much. You have every right to and I don't know what to do to make you feel better. Only that I understand your pain and wish with all my might that Zachary is holding you tight when you need him the most.
Everybody, I've finally heard from Jo (Madison's mum, not Luke's mum). Sounds like she had the same crappy December we all did.
Rozzie, how big are you? All over big or just tummy big. I hope I'll get to see you again before you have your bub so I can see you in full bloom. I told David that you're one week away from entering 3rd tri and he dedicated a song on Guitar Hero to you and Alec and bubs :-) To think that when we saw you, I think you were just 14wks.
Sue did you get to see Lily or just listen? I'm currently reading Francesca Naish's 'The Natural Way to a Better Pregnancy and she's totally against ultrasounds which has put me into a bother as I was planning to totally assault the ultrasound machine like Katie did to keep my sanity when I finally get my BFP. How to balance being an earth mother hippy type with being programmed as a freaked out paranoid mother type?
Speaking of BFP's, I'm going to buy a pee stick on Fri which will be CD29 and test on Sun if AF doesn't show her face. BB's are still big and feeling very tired today. More signs? Please?
Everyone else must be on holidays. I want to hear from Helen, see if her naughty bub has kicked up more of a storm.
Registered User
and tell you I wish I could make this heartache go away...It's just so awful to miss your little boy, he should be here. I often wonder about Joshua and what stage he'd be at, and how big he'd be now. My gut feeling is that if I was still pregnant, he would be born late Dec early Jan as my firbroid was taking a bit of room down there..Yet, there is no baby to hold and I feel really empty inside. I have Joshua's little place in my house, and he's surrounded by every angel I could find, I bought him 'Baby's First Christams' snow ball , a fireplace thingy that lights up and has a baby's christmas stocking hanging on it, and a rocking horse with a little teddy with a santa's hat on it, I have 2 photo's of Joshua and my last purchase this christams was a musical snow dome that plays twinkle, twinkle little star. Phew....the list goes on ! It makes me feel good buying little things for him ( you don't want to know what I bought for the christams tree ...) and although my DF thinks I'm going mad sometimes, I don't care. I feel good doing it, and I feel close to my little angel. I also have conversations with him in my head and then when I go to bed I talk to him and say a little prayer for him and ask my relatives to look after him until I get there, and again, I feel so close to him.
to everybody else.
Bookmarks