Trying to Conceive after Still Birth/ Late Loss/Recurrant Miscarriage ~ December 2008

[dd0207]

Jo, she is gorgeous. It is such a beautiful image, thanks for sharing. She is definitely going to be a knock-out. Tell DH to start getting ready for all those boys that will come knockin' ! Have you chosen a name or is it a secret?

[helle]

Congrats AngelLukesmum, you guys must be so proud
Those 3D scans are unreal, aren't they? I'm definately having one with next bub, even though I have to travel 2.5 hours to get to one!

I have just found out, that it's common for some people to have light spotting when they ovulate... So looks as though AF may still be a couple of weeks away for me yet, bugger it!

[Zachary's Mom]

Thanks for all your kind words of comfort. At least I know it is a common reaction in men! I was blessed the day I found this website and all you girls. It is funny how total strangers can have such an important impact on your life - in a positive way at that

I know I have said it before but I will say it again - you girls have been my tower of strength (as well as DF) through this whole journey and I can't thank you all enough. I can only pray that you all get the BFP's you so deserve and the beautiful babies you all long for. That is my wish for 2009.

Theresa xxxx

[Hammi]

Were there more scans this week? We've had Laney, Helen and Jo with all good results. For some reason I thought that Rozzie's having one too?

Theresa, you are more than welcome. You're right, this site is a lifesaver, specifically, all the wonderful women on this thread.

Nothing new with me. CD9 today. Baby dust for me! And Diana, and Paula... who was the other TTC-er? Megan, right?

Oh Theresa, when do you test????

[MrsRobbo]

Hey Ladies

Not happy Jan, I read all your posts at work yesterday but didn't have my login details so I wrote out all my personals to bring home and put in... then stupid idiot forgot to bring home the paper didn't she!!

Anyway, in short congrats on all the great scans, Laney you scared us, Jo I am so glad you are home and your cervix is behaving and Helen what a great result! Did I miss anyone, I'm going off the top of my head...

Teagz: I don't think I've welcome you yet. Congrats on becoming a mother even if it was under the saddest of circumstances. Your love for him shines through in your posts. I really feel like this group has helped me develop a relationship with Charlie because her existence is so validated here where it perhaps isn't elsewhere. Hopefully we can help you grow your relationship with Jayvan so you conitnue to feel a strong connection with him.

This is just a quick post to update on the ttc progress... CD13 today. DH and I were supposed to BD last night but it was a really hot and sticky night and neither of us were in the mood. We are trying to avoid sex for the sake of it and keep at least a little passion going.

Weird though, I haven't had my CD10 temp spike like the last few cycles so now am really not sure when OD is. Its great because I think it means I am finally 100% normal re the progesterone thing and everything because my whole cycle has been so spot on. Bad though because I was predicting OD to be closer to CD16 or 17 so now the whole trying for a girl things is out the door I think! Oh well, probably doesn't work anyway.

I'm not sure who it was but someone was saying that they'd lost a boy and didn't want that to be the only son they had. I kind of feel like that about Charlie. I have my son and an angel daughter and it makes me so sad that it might be the only daughter I get. And then I feel bad because I feel like I'm being ungrateful for having her at all. Wow we really are programmed to be guilty trippers aren't we!!

Gotta run girls. Thinking of you all, all the time and I agree totally with Zach's Mum about you lot... legends!!

love
Paula
xox

[dd0207]

Morning girls

It is very quiet in here isn't it?

Theresa, any news... when will you test?

Lan, looks like you will be beginning your BD marathon . It's our month, I know it. Blowing lots of baby dust to you!

Paula, good to hear you're normal Sorry but can't really add anything to the charting stuff so am just going to blow lots of baby dust your way too.

I'm on CD 18 today but weird things are happening. I hate not being on meds as my cycle is so whacko without them. Sorry in advance for TMI but have had pinkish spotting for about 5 days now (only when I wipe, again sorry for TMI) and have had no CM at all to date. This happen to anyone before?

I agree too.. you are all amazing, wonderful, beautiful, supportive legends!

Lots of love

[helle]

Theresa, I agree as well! The last couple of days I've felt a bit down but coming on here and seeing you girls cracking the occassional joke and being so positive lightens my spirit after everything that you's have all been through This little community is a life saver!

dd0207, I'm *still* having really light pink bleeding with no CM now. Sat/Sun i had some CM and then bleeding started Monday with a little but now there isn't any CM at all. I've never had this kind of bleed so I'm not entirely sure what's happening either!

MrsRobbo, thanks for the welcome! I am glad I found this little place because it does make you feel like it's ok to aknowledge and love our little angels. Alot of my friends don't understand the full impact of the situation and I get the impression that because I hadn't known Jayvan physically they think I shouldn't be as upset as I am. Thankfully I have an amazing mum and DF otherwise I don't think I could have kept getting out of bed the last month

AFM, I'm feeling a bit guilty/hopefull this morning. Last night DF and I got a bit carried away DTD and forgot contraception. Guilty being our Dr said to wait at least for the tests results to come back explaining what happened to Jayvan so they can make sure it wouldn't happen again (although he *DID* say if I got pregnant between now and then it wouldn't be a big deal as I'm going to be monitored closly anyway for my next pregnancy) and I was also asked to atleast wait for my next AF. But, I'm hoping that I may get a little 09 miracle. I'm such a sap XD

[AngelLukesmum]

Hi everyone

Paula - are you able to include the link to your ff chart in your sig so we can stickybeak as you go? I love looking at charts for some weird reason

I'm really excited for all your girls TTC and can't wait to see who will announce the first BFP! This will be a big year for all of us I am sure.

I hope that us pg girls chatting pg stuff in here doesn't upset anyone TTC. There is a pg area but it seems none of you chat in there very much which is how I ended up in here. I certainly don't get the feeling anyone minds the mix but I just wanted to put that out there.

Diana - can't help you on the spotting question. I have heard that some women can spot when they ov but 5 days seems to be a bit long for that so not sure what might be going on there. You aren't charting are you? Oh and in answer to your earlier question about my bedrest in hospital, I was allowed to get up to shower and go to the toilet. Now that I am at home I am probably sitting up a little more than before but am trying to avoid walking around too much and I'm trying to lie down as much as I can. I don't want to end up back in hospital!

Hammi I think you are right that Rozzie was also having a scan this week -hope all went well.

Tildy - I hope you are feeling a bit better. Ugh your cold weather sounds nasty. BIG difference to here in Sydney!

Teagz - I found myself counting down the weeks too as time went on after I lost Luke so it isn't an unusual thing. I felt a great sense of relief once Lukes EDD had passed as then I was able to look at other pg women and not think "that should be me". I felt a great sense of grief not only for Luke but also for not being pregnant anymore which was a little unexpected.

Time to lie down again so sending everyone else a big hi - hope you all have a great Friday! x

[Rozzie27]

Hi ladies,

I have been having a nasty week After going to the doctor on Tuesday and feeling a bit better on Wednesday, on Wednesday night things got worse and I kept vomiting. We'd seen the midwife on wednesday and she said if I couldn't keep fluids down I'd have to go into hospital. That night I kept throwing up after eating/drinking. When I'd finished Alec would have this look on his face, half concern half sort of parental consternation (looking back now it's kind of funny!!) finally late at night I was able to keep some water down, lucky as I was exhausted and REALLY did not want to get dressed and go to hospital, I just wanted to sleep. Anyway, I haven't been throwing up but I still feel absolutely drained, can't eat much and can't stay on my feet more than a couple of minutes. It must just be a virus, I really hope I'm better by Monday.

I did have a scan, I thought I posted about it already? Baby is now estimated to weigh 1250g, scary!!!

I also hope no-one minds us preggos staying in here. I post in both but I feel like I've known the ladies here longer and also I feel like the TTC journey doesn't end with a BFP, and I hope that when all the TTCers here get theirs they'll continue to share the journey with the rest of us.

I'm afraid I don't have the energy for the personals I'd like to write now, but I just wanted to say to Theresa about the whole 'relax and it will happen' advice... good advice if you can follow it isn't it!!! I always thought that when the time came to try we would just 'see what happens' but it doesn't seem to work that way, especially when you have trouble like we did (tried for almost a year first time before I had endo removed). FF says that there is no evidence that thinking a lot about conceiving actually prevents conception, and that all evidence says that having a good awareness of your fertile time and BD during that time is the best way to get pregnant fast. I know in my first cycle after our loss I was OBSESSED with it, charting, OPKs etc... I was at home with nothing else to do, and used to look up charts similar to mine... maybe I was just bored hehe, anyway I still got pregnant anyway so it didn't affect my fertility luckily!!

I think it might be back to bed with me now, going to be a fun weekend.

Love Rozzie

[MrsRobbo]

ok girls, I think my signature has the link to my chart. don't pay too much attention to the CM stuff though, I'm kind of making it up. The temps are accurate but I get confused by the CM. I sit there in the loo staring at it with such intensity trying to figure out if it is watery or eggwhite... to be honest I don't really know the difference. Last night it was a little bit claggy and I was confused and then today I think I'm back to eggwite... it really is a bit too hard for my slow brain to handle!!

[Hammi]

*TMI*

Paula, watery is you kind of feel wet and maybe get a damp spot on your knickers. But eggwhite, it's goopy, stretchy stuff and usually appears in a blob! Well, that's what it's like for me :-)

Jo and Rozzie, I would be offended if you left this thread! It's nice to have pregnant people in here and even better with Katie and Anna Francis. You give me hope and make me feel almost normal because you're evidence that people can conceive after a loss.

I hope you feel better over the weekend Rozzie. Like you need to be feeling sick now! Did they tell you how big the bub is likely to be at birth? And you're right, you did post about your scan because you said that the bub is getting chubby. I remember that now.

Diana, that spotting is unusual. 5 days ago may have been ovulation. I've heard of implantation spotting but not with ovulation. And not for 5 days anyway. Never mind, you'll get your BFP later this month anyway :-)

Teagz, it's nice to get carried away DTD. You're supposed to :-)

How are you going Jo76? And Helen? And Katie? I miss you!

[dd0207]

Jo and Rozzie, don't you dare leave this thread! You pregnant ladies are my inspiration.

Rozzie, I really hope you get well soon. Rest up as much as you can and take care.

Paula, Lan's explanation is how I interpret CM so see if that helps. I really like the look of the chart, very scientific indeed. May have to give that a crack.

Yep, I have heard women can spot at O time but it has been too long for that and way too early for implantation. I am so sick of going to the doc and am sure my FS will put me in a mental institution soon. I've had my lining checked countless times - all good, I had a pap smear a month ago - all good, EVERYTHING looks good so what the f**k is going on???? Sorry, I'm cranky.

I need some advise please - I have told you before that prior to losing my baby boy I had very regular cycles and deemed myself quite fertile right? Then afterwards, sorry I know you have heard this a million times before but please humour me, MY CYCLES ARE MENTAL and it's just not happening. I know TTC for 5 months is not that long, but after having fallen so quickly previously, and with all the issues I am having now, I'm really worried.

Anyway, the reason I am ranting is my FS said that I should try IVF for 2 reasons
1. I'm an emotional wreck and
2. Am getting on a bit (just turned 38) and now would give me the best shot.

I have an appt with the clinic on Tuesday to decide whether I want to go ahead so what do you think? Should I keep trying naturally for a while longer or go for IVF and give myself the best chance considering all of the above?

OR if Lan's prediction is right and I fall naturally this month, then we can ignore all of the above and I will never mention my mental cycles again...

[helle]

I sit there in the loo staring at it with such intensity trying to figure out if it is watery or eggwhite...

I had a but of a giggle at that MrsRobbo! hehe. CM is kinda blobby & stretchy, for me anyway, like the more solid part of the eggwhite when you first crack an egg! Apparently the further you can stretch it the more fertile you are at the time... I've been learning so much about the reproductive system the last few weeks XD We'll all be wizzes on it once we have our bubbies!

dd0207 - I've got all my fingers & toes crossed that you fall this month! I think IVF would be just as much of a mind F*** (excuse my french) as the rest of this process, although I don't know much about it... so just ignore my ramblings, I have a tendency to ramble, as everyone is probably noticing XD

Hammi - it was nice getting carried away! We've done it three times this month and it's about time we got the groove back :P Afterwards I just had a bit of an "oh dear, the Dr's going to yell at me for not being responsible" moment.

And the preggos MUST stay!! You're our little glimmers of hope & inspiration

[Miss.B]

Hi you beautiful girls,

Gosh I missed you all, can't believe I was made to go on a holiday without the internet !!!! Holiday was good, I must say, but now I'm freaking out about my operation next week ( help !!!!!! ).

I've just been catching up on all your activity.....

Theresa, congrats hun on your engagement, I'm so excited for you !!! Yeepee ! Now we're both engaged, although I have been engaged for almost 2 years ( not in a hurry either,the whole wedding planning is stressing me out a bit ). I hope your're feeling more positive now, and that you get your miracle soon. You so deserve all the happiness in the world.

Jo, I'm so happy you've made it to week 24 !!! That is such a milestone. I hope it's a smooth road from here on. I just love the picture of your beautiful girl, she's just precious.

Jo76, I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time..I hope it gets better soon.. can't believe that girlfriend of your brother's though, I would just slap her ! All of my DF sisters and SIL's smoked during their pregnancies, and when I pointed out to them the harm they were inflicting on their babies, they just laughed at me...helloooooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 WTF .

Sue, fantastic news on your scan ! Yey !! It must have been very exciting buying all the baby stuff, I never got to do it with Joshua, but for my next baby I will start buying straight away, no matter what outcome it may be. I feel I missed out there....

Lan, how are you going hun ? When do you ovulate next ????? Waiting and praying for a big fat BFP soon !!!!!

Paula, how's your charting going ? I had goosebumps reading about the song 'Angel' that came on. I think Charlie was definitely there with you. I believe in signs like that, I often ask Joshua to let me know he's around.

Tildy, good luck for your next scan hun, I hope all goes well . I think the swooshing in your belly is your little Kebab doing acrobatics....

Diana, I so hope you get your BFP soon hun. Fingers and toes crossed. I also didn't realise you've lost your beautiful mum, and I am so sorry. I think by having Sebastian burried with your mum was so touching, they'll always be together until you all meet again. It must be so comforting..I also had goosebumps about the butterflies...

Laney, I hope all is well with your bub, sending you huge hugs xxx

Cindee, congrats on your baby girl

Dee81, I'm so sorry that you've lost your little Lacey. Good luck with TTC and I hope you get an earth baby soon. Many tons of baby dust to you !!!

Helen, here's to the very long, nice cervix !!! Yeepee !!!

Rozzie, congrats on your scan hun, please don't go anywhere, we love you here !

Megan, good luck with TTC, hope you get your miracle soon.

Teagz_88, I'm so sorry for your loss. When I lost Joshua my placenta had to be removed manually, and then about a week later I had a huge bleed ( huge egg size clots, sorry TMI ). AF came 4 weeks later, and I've been having regular AF since.
I hope you get a BFP soon hun, all the best to you.

Phew, I hope I covered everybody ! If I've forgotten somebody or got my messages mixed up, I'm so sorry, my head is still spinning from being away from you all for so long !!!

Love and hugs to all.

Beata xxx

[Zachary's Mom]

Beata - Welcome back! Glad you had a good holiday. We are looking at the 2 year mark (or maybe longer) but we will get there! When we do we are going to get married on a ship. It was going to be Fiji but we like the idea of getting married on a cruise......

dd0207 - I just want to give you the biggest I hope you are feeling better and not so frustrated (although I can understand why).

dd0207 & Hammi - I am thinking of waiting until next week to test as I have been late before and I don't want to see a BFN. I am scared of seeing that BFN and it makes me want to cry so I am holding onto hope and praying AF will not arrive and I can test next week. Will let yo know when I do.

Teagz - If it is meant to be it is meant to be. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Rozzie - Thanks for the advice. It makes me feel better knowing it could still happen. I hope you are feeling better soon. Take care of yourself. We love you so to you.

AFM - I guess I am just feeling like I am doing something wrong. It only took us 4 months to fall pg with Zachary and we weren't even trying that hard or "obsessing" the way I am now. It is heading onto the 6 month stage and I feel like I am a failure. I keep thinking that maybe I am charting incorrectly and getting my dates wrong - it is confusing me now. Should I keep doing it or just forget about it all and see if nature takes its own course?

I just want a baby so desperately and I am not the most patient person in the world when it comes to the things I really want!!!!

Love you all xxxxx

[Miss.B]

Diana, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so mental ATM. I can imagine this whole cycle thing must be driving you nuts. Just remember though, sometimes it can take a huge amount of time for your cycle to become regular again. After all, you were regular like clockwork B4 you lost your little boy. But the grief of losing your baby, and the stress your body has been thru, no wonder your cycles are all over the place. I really don't know how to advise you hun, but I believe being 38 you should look at other options if your cycles are not regulated soon.
I had to do IVF for 2 reasons,1) my DF sperm count is very low after an unsuccessful versectomy reversal in April 2008, and 2) my age.
Before the urologist did my DF's reversal, he actually advised us to do IVF without spending the $4500 on the operation, as he said IVF would be quicker and cheaper. But we so wanted to get pregnant naturally, we didn't care about the money. It turned out the operation was a flop, and we had to fo IVF anyway.....
I got pregnant straight away, but I believe it was because I wasn't that stressed about the whole thing especially when I realized the injections were a breeze. That's what I stressed about the most, but after my first one, I was so relieved that it wasn't so bad. I reaslised it was a small price to pay for a beautiful baby at the end of it all. Having said all that, I do reaslise and appreciate that for some women IVF is a very hard journey. I believe it's a lot to do with the fact that sometimes the choice is taken out of your hands, and you suddenly leave everything to the people in white coats, and you suddenly feel so out of control, it is very strssful. The other thing is, some women go thru so many cycles that their bodies go thru hell and hence the stress levels go up.
Try if you can to think positive thoughts ( I know, I know... ) and imagine that your cycles are regular, and see what happens. Sorry, I do know it's so much easier said than done.

Good luck hun xxxx I hope I helped a little....

Love
Beata xxx

[Miss.B]

Hi Theresa,

That's so romantic to get married on a cruize ! I wish I had all these nice ideas, but the truth is I am scared of all the pressure of the big day and wish I could just run to the registry office and get married with a witness and no more !! The only thing is, my mum would be so dissapointed as I am her only daughter....the pressure !

You know, I totally understand your frasturation of getting it all right. But just think, when you weren't putting pressure on falling pregnant, it happened without too much trouble. Now, when you're getting stressed about when you're ovulating etc, it's not happening.
My gynie once said to me, ' The trick is, some people make love once in a blue moon, and no wonder that they're not getting pregnant. If you have intercourse regularly, the chances of you falling pregnant is a lot higher, as you are bound to make love somewhere around the time you ovulate'. It just made a lot sense to me at the time.
I think he said to do the deed 2 to 3 times a week......Sorry, no rest for the wicked I'm afraid !

I know it will happen for you Theresa, just be patient and be kind to yourself. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, and I'm sure it will happen soon.

Good luck sweetie.

Love
Beata xxx

[dd0207]

Morning!

Thanks for the hugs Teagz, Theresa and Beata. I sure needed them yesterday. I was as cranky and as frustrated as hell. Feeling much better after a good sleep.

Teagz, I agree. I think we can all be fertility specialists now! I always tell my FS I could go work for him as I know so much now... and I'd be near an u/s machine daily for when I fall pg again... he just looks at me sadly (or with pity) and laughs.

Theresa, I really hope AF stays away and you get those pretty 2 lines. Everything is crossed for you. Like Beata said, BD every second or third day and I think you should pop your chart up here (like Paula) and have the girls analyse it for you - we have some experts among us!

Beata, welcome back hun. We missed you. Hope you had a lovely time away. Where are you at with your cycle? Thanks, your message did help. Im not nervous or anxious at all about the actual process as I did the injections (with IUI) last month and they are not bad at all. I am obsessing that there is some underlying damage done after the 2 curettes that is stopping implantation. I really have to stop being so paranoid and trust my FS don't I?

DH said he will leave the decision up to me. He is happy to go with whatever I decide so will do some more thinking this weekend.

I have a party tonight and the dress up theme is "brown and gold" - the guy is a huge Hawthorn AFL supporter. What an outrage, does not compliment my complexion at all !!