Jo: I will be thinking of you tomorrow, Madison will be in my prayers.
Hammi: I hope you get some answers from your appointment. Please don't blame yourself. I know that is our first instinct as mother's but some things are out of our control. You just have to trust that Hamish only needed to be with you for a short time and that now he is out there fulfilling his soul's purpose and is all the better equipped to do that because of the love and nurturing you gave him when you were together and still give him now that you are apart.
Katie: good luck for the OB, it must be so delightful to feel those reassuring little kicks. You are an inspiration to all of us.
Hgirs: I can emphathise with your emotional day care experience. I used to cry every day when I dropped DS off. I would hold it together until I got to the car and then break down in a blubbering mess. It really is so good for them though. My DS has learnt so many things that he just wouldn't have been exposed to at home. I also think my relationship with him is that much stronger because we have some time apart and I get to do something for me, which makes me happier and better able to focus on him when we are at home together. Persevere with it, especially if your son is ok. You will find it easier with time.
Well my update is that I finally got my test results back. It seems like forever although not as long as Hammi has had to wait. We chose not to have an autopsy done. I'm not sure why, our OB didn't think it was necessary and everything was such a blur at the time we just went along with his recommendation. I did have a heap of blood tests though and we had the placenta etc sent for testing.
It turns out that the cord was extremely wound up, so much so that the OB has never seen anything like it in all his years of practice. He can't say if it was the cause but he thinks it is 'significant'. My blood also showed a high level of antibodies for parvo virus (the human one not dog one!) so they sent it back for more tests to see if I had the virus. The next lot of tests couldn't confirm or rule it out. Only a small percentage of women get parvo virus during pregnancy and of them only about 5% will result in still birth. Again he couldn't say if this was the cause but said it could well have been.
The thing that really upsets me is that adults generally contract it from day care centres. Adults have no symptoms and once you've had it you're immuned but kids apparently get cheeks which look like they have been slapped and are a bit fluey. When I was PG and on holidays I decided it would be nice for DS if I went and spent a day at the centre with him to help out. He absolutely loved it but now I am wondering if that is when I could have contracted the virus. I will never know but it upsets me that I may have lost Charlie from something which could have been prevented. I'm not blaming myself but just the fact it could have been avoided is quite disturbing.
The good news is that either of those possible causes are not likely to reoccur so OB is confident that any future pregnancies will be successful. Although he said that after my first MC and then we lost Charlie so I am well aware there are no guarantees.
OB said next time I should be super freaky about hygiene such as washing hands before cleaning teeth or blowing nose etc and basically after touching anything. Especially after going to day care. Thought that might be a useful tip for all of us who are TTC or already PG, you can never be too careful I guess.
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