Teni, you go ahead and vent just as much as you want - whenever and wherever. I wish I could give you a big hug for real, sweetie. I read your blog and I'm so sorry AF showed up and that you're still in the TTC pool. You're right. You shouldn't have to be here and it's grossly unfair that you're not holding Ianto right now. As a matter of fact, none of us should have to be here and I think we've probably all felt something similar.

As for reading the baby buddies post... I still look at a due date calculator site that tells me where my baby would have been in their development today. Apparently I like self-inflicted punishment too!

I also have a friend who got pregnant at the same time I did the first time around (in 2006). We both had an early m/c (didn't find out about each other until later though), but she got pregnant the very next cycle and went on to have a beautiful baby boy. He's 3 now, and every time I see him and hear about everything he's doing, I can't help but think... my baby should be that old and doing those things too. Why couldn't my baby have lived too? I'm better now at squelching that urge to compare them than I was right after her son was born (really had a hard time even seeing them early on). Sometimes, though, I guess I just feel the need to pick that scab and open up that wound again. I guess you did too.

I hope daylight brings renewed hope.... Give yourself a big hug.