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Thread: TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~Jan #2

  1. #73

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    Yay Clare!!
    Glad to hear bubs is doing well.


  2. #74

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    Hi y'all

    Just a quick post tonight

    Clare: I am so happy that the bub is well. Catching up 5 days is awesome. Yippiee

    Lynn: I hope your day out went well. I would love to be a crafty person but I am pretty much hopeless. Some friends and I started a craft group which after 30 mins would turn into a gossip and cake group. Seriously though, I hope it was a nice day for you.

    Bailey: Wow, congratulations on making the decision TTC. It sounds like it is the perfect decision for you and DH. I really hope this is a short journey for you.

    All you other wonderful women, I hope you are doing well. I am really exhausted tonight so off to bed for an early night.

    Take care my sweets.

    Luv Spring.

  3. #75

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    Clare - That is fantastic your scan went so well, I had a look at the scan and he/she looks so tiny... but still cute. Shelby is a gorgeous little girl, I don't know if her page has always been there as a link but I haven't seen her before. I am so pleased that you picked up Max's photos, and I hope they bring you some joy out of such sadness.

    Lynn - Hope you had fun at the stitches and craft market today and that it was reasonably baby-less.

    Spring - Hope you are feeling relaxed and not stressing too much.

    Bailey - Glad to hear you have decided to TTC, wishing you a bfp very soon.

    Hi to everyone else.

    Mel

  4. #76

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    Hi Mel

    Sorry babe, I must have just missed your post. How are you tonight babe? Whenever there is a short post from you I get worried.

    Are you Ok?

    I hope you are alright mate, take care

    Luv Spring

  5. #77

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    Hey Spring,

    Am I that see through? lol I am ok, just life is getting harder every day and anyway you know how it is. I hope you have a nice sleep, rest plenty for you and your special little miracle

    Mel

  6. #78
    clare076 Guest

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    Hi everyone
    I have posted a link to both shelby's home page and a new one I just created for splodge. They are both very basic at the moment as I have only downloaded one photo to each but I will work on it more.

    I just wanted to take some time to thank each and everyone of you for the tremendous support you have given me since I lost Max. I am now ready to take the step to the pregnancy after loss thread, I will continue to keep you all updated on our progress, but I just feel that my ongoing presence in here may start to upset people. This has been by no way implied by anyone, I just feel it's time to move on.

    I hope and pray that you all will get your BFP really soon, you are all absolutely terrific women and I will treasure your kindness forever.

    Lynn - I am sure you know how much the bracelets meant to me, they will never be out of my sight and have brought me such comfort in the last few days. Again Thankyou.

    Mel - stay strong honey, you are a truely amazing mother, I know your little man is watching over you.

    Spring - I will be stalking you! I will be keeping an eye on your progress.

    To everyone else that I may have forgotten, you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.

    Hugs and kisses to you all
    "MWAH"

  7. #79

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    Clare - Shelby is gorgeous! Splodge is so little but thank you for sharing the photo with us. I am so glad that the bracelets have brought you comfort. You are very welcome. I am just glad that they are able to help you. Helping you, helps me - so thank you
    I am so happy for you that you feel comfortable to join the pregnancy thread. Please make sure that you drop in to see how we are going and to let us know how you are going. I would love to hear the progress of Splodge. I will drop into the pregnancy thread to see how you are going. We are going to miss you....... I can only speak for myself but I'm sure the other girls feel the same way - your presence here has never upset me. In fact it is the opposite. To see someone go through the pain and heartbreak that I have gone through and then to fall pregnant again gives me so much hope and positive vibes and I just hope that one day soon I will be able to join you in the pregnancy thread. Take care..........and don't forget us!

    Mel - I hope you are ok babe. If you need to talk, you know where I am. Big :hugs: to you.

    Spring - take care of yourself and get plenty of rest. Big :hugs: to you and lil' Spring.

    Hi to Nat and Bailey and anyone I have missed.

    Well the craft show was good. Got lots of ideas for jewellery and bag making so I better get motivated. I also bought a lead light star that I am going to hang outside my kitchen window so the sun can shine through it. I am a sucker for anything with a star on it!!!! I'll take a photo and add it to Cooper's website so you can see it. There were a few babies around but for some reason it didn't upset me today. Must have been a good day..............what does that hold for tomorrow then?????????

    Hope you are all well, take care.

    Sweet dreams

  8. #80
    Mish Guest

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    Hello there - thanks to all of you who welcomed me on my initial post, I think this is the place to be at the moment.. Can't say I know your stories well yet, but I'm looking forward to having a moment to go back through the posts and get to know you all a bit better. We are off to the beach for the weekend so hopefully that will take my mind off whether AF is going to turn up next week - wish I could say it will be exciting if I do conceive, but really that's when the hard waiting part starts... enough complaining though, I hope you all have a lovely weekend and look forward to reading all your news next week...

    Mish

  9. #81

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    OMG!!!! I am sitting here at work in tears DH and I had an argument on the way to work and I am so angry I could punch something or someone (preferably him). What happened is that I mentioned that I had forgotten to bring the number of the cemetary where Nicholas ashes are so I could call them today to make an appointment to discuss what we are going to do. We don't discuss this very often (last time we did I said I wanted him to come home and he told me NO so I got annoyed at him), I have asked him to call for me a couple of times but he hasn't so I thought I would do it. He said why do we need an appointment I thought we were going to bring him home, so I said yeah we probably will but we can still look at costs for the children's garden before we make a decision. So he said "we haven't got the money for that and it's only a lease of the plot so you can forget about it" - YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT IT - WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He did correct himself immediately afterwards and said that he meant to say WE can forget about it, I told him I didn't care he still said it. I said I wish I didn't have to think about what to do with my sons ashes at all let alone have arguments with him about it. He has apologised several times and says he didn't mean for it to come out that way, and that he just wants to have him home with us where he belongs. But I can't get over it, I am so angry at him! So now I keep thinking about something he said to the psychologist and that is "I think its harder on me than it is on Mel cause I have 3 kids and I take comfort in them whereas she finds it harder". He is right, I think his kids are great but no I don't take comfort in them, they are not my children my only child died and now I have to think about where he will be spending his eternity. I repeated that comment to him and said that maybe he should keep that in mind when he is giving me a hard time, I feel a bit bad about that now cause I think it was maybe harsh like saying he doesn't love Nicholas but that isn't what I meant. Anyway, he knows I am having a hard time why would he put me through this? Am I being oversensitive? Am I losing my mind? I feel like I am Now I am stuck at work and all upset, and I can't go home today cause I am covering for my friend at work who is going to her MIL's funeral this afternoon.

    Sorry to do this to you all, I just don't know who else to tell cause I am sure everyone gets sick of my whinging. Its like Spring said to me once its like their sympathy has run out.

    Mel

  10. #82

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    Mel - I don't know what to say to cheer you up. I wish I could come down there and take you out of work and give you a big hug I don't think you are being oversensitive. You have lost your son and now you have to make a decision of where you want him. No-one should have to make that decision and you are not prepared for something like this because you don't think that it could ever happen. I'm sure DH didn't mean to upset you and I can only imagine how hard it is for you guys as he does have other children and your only child is not with you anymore. You are not whinging and I think it is good to let these things out so people like us that understand can help you.

    It is a hard decision of where to have our precious angels. I am going through the same thing at the moment. I always wanted Cooper at home with me whereas DH wanted him to have a garden at the crematorium. I love having Cooper at home now and I don't want him to go to his garden. It is a hard decision because it is something that we both have to agree on.

    I hope today gets better for you Mel. Take care
    Lynn
    xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  11. #83

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    Not a good day today. I just feel like everyone is moving on with their lives and have forgotten about me and Cooper. Friends used to ring me all the time and send me text messages just to let me know that they were thinking about me. My three closest friends have children and I know that they have to look after them but I just feel like they have forgotten about me and what I am going through. I just don't know what to do. I am sitting here crying because I don't know if it is because I sit at home all day and maybe the days go longer and therefore I think of things and just think that people don't care anymore...........I don't know what to think. I just feel alone

  12. #84

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    Ok, I'm still crying but I just had a good talk and cry with my best friend and told her exactly how I was feeling but I just didn't want it to come out the wrong way. I told her that I understand that she has kids and has to look after them but I just feel like she has forgotten about me and Cooper. I upset her because she said that she could never forget about me or Cooper and that she looks at his website every day to see if there are any updates and that she thinks about us all the time. I guess because I can't see that I didn't know. I feel a little bit better. She is so understanding but felt really bad that she upset me. I am glad that I had the courage to talk to her about it. She said that it is hard sometimes for her to come and visit because she has to make sure that her DH is home to look after the kids and that her DH wants to come and visit us too because he is my DH good friend too. I feel bad that I have made it difficult for her. She said that she would come over all the time if she could bring the kids but she knows that it is hard and that it is still early days. I started thinking that maybe to help me through this, it might be time for me to see her kids. Her eldest is 4 and is my godson and her youngest is 1. I was just worried that I would see them and just start crying and I didn't want to upset the oldest because he thought that I might be crying because of him. He is at that age that he knows what is going on. I just think if I started with my best friends kids with her and her DH around and my DH that it might start to help me. She doesn't want me to push it as she says that she can see the strength that I have gained and she doesn't want me to go back 10 steps. She aplogised for being a terrible friend and that hurt me when she said that because I don't want her to think that she is a terrible friend because she is a great friend. My emotions are all over the place and I just don't know what to feel. Maybe I was just in need of a good cry.........

  13. #85

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    Hi Lynn - I am sorry you are having such an awful day, seems like it's the day for it huh? I know what you mean about feeling like everyone has forgotten, it gets to the point where people stop ringing to see how you are and no even asks you (like when I got back to work on Tuesday). About your friends children, it is a tough one and only you know if and when you are ready to see them. I found it very hard with DH's children at first, and sometimes still do now. As much as I care for them, they are not my own and never will be. As someone who is surrounded by other peoples children all the time my advice would be... In terms of your godson, he is only 1 and therefore you could cry as much as you like and while they can sort of sense your emotions, to a certain degree at that age as long as they have something to play with they are happy. With the 4 year old, as you said they are old enough to understand. Are they aware of what has happened, has their mum explained the situation to them? If so, when you get upset (cause you probably will) just explain to them that you are upset because you miss Cooper, it might start them asking questions but that is ok just answer them as honestly as possible. If they are not aware of what has happened, ask their mum if it is ok to discuss it with them. I assume they were aware you were expecting a baby, so just explain to them i.e. say that you had the baby and you named him Cooper but he had to go to heaven. The finer details are up to you, if you feel you want to share them. DH and I explained it to his 3 children by saying that Nicholas got sick and went to heaven. I guess alot of people would criticise us for "lying" because I guess he wasn't really sick, it was more that there was something wrong with me but we didn't want to tell them that because we thought it would make them worry about me. They have a limited understanding of death and all they really know is that you either get old or you get sick and then you go to heaven, so for us to tell them something other than this would have confused them I feel. We will give them the "real" information when they are older and can understand it. But basically, we did what we felt was in their best interests at the time. I am a big believer in kids need to know the situation, you shouldn't feel compelled to be all happy go lucky around them as if nothing has happened because this is reality, as harsh a reality as it is (I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but ykwim).

    Anyway, only you know when the time is right but don't feel scared of what effect you will have on them. They will be ok as long as it is explained why you are upset, you may even find the 4 year old has enough compassion to give you a cuddle and try to comfort you. But, don't push yourself you will be ready when you are ready. You are going through a really tough time and you are entitled to some time.

    This probably hasn't helped at all, but I really hope you feel a little better this afternoon.

    Take care

    Mel

  14. #86

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    Ok Mel and Lynn I just want to reach through this computer screen and give you both the stongest hug I can.

    Lynn: You should go back and read some of my posts and Mel's posts about feeling forgotten. We went through exactly the same thing. I felt like I had been forgotten and put in the too hard basket. Out of sight out of mind. There were people that I had known my entire life who seemed to drop of the face of the planet, at first I was upset and then I got angry, really angry I thought to myself, I am a great friend, I have helped so many girlfriends through there trivial little problems like crap boyfriends and where are they now for me. I was a bit of a coward and ended up sending an email to all of them before moving to Sydney. I was astonished at some of the responses. It made me realise that my friends were honestly scared of calling me because they didn't know what to say. A poor excuse in my eyes but I got some of the most heartfelt replies to my email that it made me realise Harrison did matter to them and that we hadn't been forgotten.

    I think you have done the best thing talking to your friend. Honesty, although really difficult, is definately the best policy. About seeing your friend's kids, that is totally up to you. I agree with Mel that as far as the 4 year old is concerned, it would be better if his Mum could explain to him what has happened. Perhaps if we as adults were more honest with children about death, they wouldn't grow up to be adults that are frightened of it and don't know what to say. Just take your time though honey, and if you cry, don't feel bad. I think kids have more emotional maturity then we give them credit for so just be yourself.

    Mel: Sweetie pie, I am so sorry you an DH had a fight. The stress that you are going through really puts strain on a relationship. You are right, it shouldn't be a decision that you should have to make about where your son's ashes will be. It is crap, unfair and a lot of other words I can't use on BB. I don't know if it is a little bit sexist, but I think you as Nicholas' mother has right of veto about what to do with his ashes. I am not saying that a father is any less important, but you are his mummy and you need to do what is best in your heart. Can you change you mind down the track if you want to bring him home? Harrison is sitting on our dressing table with your neckace, teddy bears, photos and his box of memories. Initially DH wasn't so keen about having him in the bedroom because of when we BD, but I said that he is my son, and I want him near to me when Matt is away. I give him a big sloppy kiss every morning and talk to him every day. It is such a personal decision that only you know what is right for you. Take your time honey. I know that DH loves you to bits so don't be too angry at him. Trust me I know how stupid men can be sometimes. He has Valentines day to make it up to you big time.

    Clare: I am so proud that you have the courage to join the Pregnancy thread. I am too scared to even make a pregnancy announcement yet so I really admire you. I hope you pop in and I will continue to stalk the Pregnancy thread, until I am happy to join. I think after my scan on Tuesday I will pluck up the courage.

    Mish: I hope you have a wonderful time at the beach. I am sorry that you have had to join this thread but I look forward to getting to know you.

    Well me, I have had a dull pain in my lower back on the right hand side, well actually it is almost in my bum. I had an occupational therapist visit me at work yesterday and she adjusted my seat/desk so that would explain it. It definately isn't cramps so hopefully after a restful night it will go away. I plucked up the courage today to make an appointment with a Psychiatrist. His name is Dr. Blows (lol) and he specialises in pregnancy loss and Post Natal Depression, I hope he is worth the $265. My new ob wants me to see him regularly and DH will come once he gets back. It isn't until 22 Feb so hopefully it helps.

    Oh well all my special ladies, I will check in just before bed to make sure you are all ok.

    I think a day like today calls for a

    Luv Spring

  15. #87

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    Hey Spring,

    Feeling a little better tonight, worked out the problems with DH. He says he just choses his words badly and he finds it hard when I start getting upset cause he can't think under pressure and just digs his hole deeper. I told him that he should make sure he thinks before he speaks because I look to him for support and it makes life harder to think I don't have it. Anyway, I got over it - life is too short huh? And, he rang this afternoon to say he had called the cemetary and made an appointment for Saturday 21 Feb, and that he does want to bring Nicholas home and we will buy a nice urn. One that won't smash if the youngest of his kids happens to get to it. He said he is really worried she will get to it and either break it or tip it over and the ashes will spill out. So I want to ask them if they put the ashes in something else inside the urn cause I would be devastated if that happened. I think he is trying to make it better.

    More dramas though, our business has bought a new computer (so excited, a really fancy speedy one with a massive hard drive) and organised to give this one to DH's mum and we were told earlier in the week it would be ready yesterday so DH rang his mum and said we would take it over tomorrow. So we go there tonight to pick it up and it wasn't ready They tried to tell us Monday but I cracked it and said get it ready earlier than that or cancel the sale, they very quickly changed it to tomorrow afternoon - funny how things change huh. Plus they are throwing in a bluetooth mouse for DH's notebook for the inconvenience.

    Going to get my hair cut tomorrow, with colour and foils (courtesy of MIL's birthday money ) so big dilemna is whether I go for blonde or bright red foils, I like both. Also, DH said he will take me to PP and movies tomorrow night. So hopefully it will be a good weekend

    Your psychologist is charging the same as mine does, you get about $120 back from Medicare, but when you reach your safety net you would get more. With all those scans and everything it will be in no time. I hope you find it helpful, I am still debating whether I go back to mine or not. I worry sometimes that I am just too tough on people lately so maybe she is more helpful than I think. I know I definitely need to keep seeing someone cause my mind is not "right". LOL at his name though, hehe. My psychologist said it was necessary for DH to come with me, I wanted him to though and was a bit disappointed when she said that. Mind you the initial outlay can be tricky, especially after having only just moved states! That's not good about your back, I hope you are right and that with a good nights sleep it goes away.

    I hope you are ok with DH away this weekend - thank god for Frank and Vinnie. Do you have any nice plans? If you want some verbal interaction let me know and I will give you a buzz (my turn this time I think).

  16. #88

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    By the way, I just have to say it is really weird to look at the '30' next to Me on my sig

    Oh and also I put in another order with Fertility Naturopath yesterday, I ordered 50 pregnancy tests, the rate I am going it is gonna take long enough to use them all. I didn't order ovulation tests cause they just frustrate me and I figured I have been testing ovulation for about 4 cycles now and have ovulated on the same day each time so chances are more than good that it won't change... is that right?

  17. #89

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    Thanks Spring and Mel I know that you guys have gone through the exact same feelings I go through (I'm just a few weeks behind). I guess sometimes it helps to put it in writing and get things off my chest.

    I spoke with my friend again and she is coming over this afternoon with her DH and kids. She said that she will ring me before they come just to make sure that I am ready. I think that I am. I think I need to do this. She has explained to the 4 year old so he knows that I lost Cooper. When I was pregnant he used to say that I was having a boy, called Glenn! I don't know where he got the name from but at least he guessed the gender as everyone else said girl (I knew it was a boy but then again I am the mummy and I know ) Anyway, I'll you know how I go.

    Well yesterday the plaque arrived for Cooper's memorial garden at home. So his garden is complete. Now we just have to watch the plants grow. We also went to the crematorium and his plaques have been put into his garden. Our surname plaque is on the headstone and then his plaque with the southern cross motif is on a granite base in the garden. I didn't really get that upset when I saw it I guess because I know that he isn't there yet. It was kind of weird reading it though............

    Spring - how's your bum! lol I hope it is ok now that they have fixed your chair. I hope seeing the Psychiatrist helps you - love the name!

    Mel - I didn't realise you could claim Psychiatrist bills through Medicare. That is good to know seeing as though I have spent over $400!!! I'm glad that you sorted out things with DH. I don't know if this is something you want to do but when we take Cooper back to the crematorium they will put his ashes into a bronze box (it weighs a ton!). This has been engraved with his name and his little 'shine bright quote'. This will then be put into his garden and his plaque will be placed over the top. Maybe you could ask if they could put Nicholas' ashes in a bronze box and then into an urn. This way if the kids did happen to drop the urn the bronze box is so tough that it was smash. Just a thought............
    The 30 on your sig doesn't look bad at all. OMG! I have to change mine too soon I stocked up on the OPK - I have bought just enough for this cycle because I have decided that this is it! This is the cycle - positive thinking, hope it helps.
    Hope your hair looks good - what colour did you end up going? Have fun at the movies.

    Nat - I hope you are well. Probably busy as always (lol) I'll speak to you soon.

    Hi to everyone else. Have a good weekend.

    Take care & best wishes
    Lynn
    xxxxxxxx

  18. #90

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    Hey gals

    Mel: There is nothing better than a new do to make a girl feel better. I hope it worked. What did you end up going with, blonde bits or red bits? I absolutely love getting my hair done, it is such a treat. I'm glad things worked out with DH and that he made an appointment for the 21st. Although it is something no mother should ever have to do, it will be nice when you have finally made your decision. We have Harrison in a solid bronze urn with an engraved bronze plaque. It weighs a tone and cost about $700 but it is fire proof and there is no way it is every going to break. If you dropped it you would more likely break the floor. I am not sure if the creamatorium you are going to have that option but if not I am sure they could find one for you. That way your would never have to worry about the little one getting her hands on it.

    Did you get everything with the computer sorted out? I hope so, it is such a bother when you have to worry abour incompetent people but don't let it get to you too much.. About my psychiatrist, I just checked the notes I wrote down when speaking to the receptionist and apparently I get $195.50 back on Medicare. I hope what I wrote down is correct, to be honest, I really need it so I will find the money.

    Lynn: I hope this afternoon with your friends and her kids goes well. I think you might be surprised how much a distraction it can be having people to talk to. I hope that it isn't too upsetting for you and that you have a positive experience.

    Thanks for asking about my bum (lol) it is a lot better today and the twinge feeling has gone. I think it is because I am actually sitting properly at work for once. I have a tendancy to slouch so any adjustment is going to put strain on different bits I suppose. I haven't done anything too strenous today, cleaning the bathroom was about as energetic as I got so hopefully by tomorrow I will be better. I am with you sister about the positive thinking this cycle, I am going to be sending heaps of positive vibes your way.

    I hope both you Mel and Lynn get that BFP this cycle. I can't wait to share this journey with both of you amazing women.

    Hey just a question, I don't know if you guys realised but Kirsty is no longer our moderator? Do you know who is our new moderator? They haven't introduced themselves so if you are out there we would love to meet you. I might go and have a look at the start of the thread after I have posted to see if it says there.

    Anyway, have a nice saturday night, I have a major craving for softdrink that I have been putting off all day. I just can't stop thinking about lemonade and fanta. It is weird because I rarely drink softdrink. I feel so sick in the tummy that I think I am going to give in and treat myself to a lemonade. I hope it works.

    Hugs and cuddles to all

    Luv Spring

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