ButterflyForever, grief is very much like that, all consuming, exhausting and sometimes it seems like it will never end. I felt that guilt too, not wanting to disrespect Joshua by wanting another baby so soon after I lost him. It is hard, but if you're finding it really difficult, perhaps wait a bit longer with TTC hun. You will feel heaps better when you are actually ready to take that step (not that that step is easy to take! it took months of therapy for me to take it).
Thinking of you hun

B xxx