TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

[Miss.B]

Hi ladies,

Thanks so much for all your lovely words of support, you are such a beautiful bunch of ladies in here Still finding it hard to live without my puss, I need her so much now that I'm about to go to hossy to have my bub! Wish she was here to meet him on the outside..

Cheryl, I'm booked in on tuesday at 8.30 am. Pretty scared about the c/s but hey, I just have to be brave, and I want him out safe and sound! How is that jigsaw going?

Crumpet, reading a bit more about your loss just breaks my heart, hugs hun. I know of a couple of girls who have had the stitch put in (even though their OBs said it was more for a piece of mind rather than a medical reason) and they've had healthy pg & babies.

Cmeglles, sorry to hear you're not feeling well hun. Snuggle up to your furbabies, best medicine in the world!

CharlieB, hope your bleeding stops soon hun, but your body's gotta do what it's gotta do, all part of the process I guess. Big hugs hun.

Gigi, I'm keeping everything crossed for you in this cycle. Bring on the BFP!!!

Samcougar, I'm sorry hunni. Hope the next cycle brings you the news you want

I'm sorry if I missed anyone, sending you all lots of baby dust and sticky vibes!!

B xxx

[crumpet]

Crumpet, reading a bit more about your loss just breaks my heart, hugs hun. I know of a couple of girls who have had the stitch put in (even though their OBs said it was more for a piece of mind rather than a medical reason) and they've had healthy pg & babies.

thanks for the hugs hun, needed them today Dh and i had a arguement about him going away for the weekend and i dont want him to go coz im not ready for him to be away all night yet, and yeah.......

its so comforting to hear of people who had had sucessful pregnancies after having a stitch done

[Miss.B]

Crumpet, if I could reach across the screen I'd give you a big hug. I know the days/weeks after a loss are the hardest, you feel so fragile and needy, well I did anyway. Anytime DF popped out anywhere even for a couple of hours I'd get upset. I felt so needy and so alone when I was on my own. So I'm not surprised at you for being upset with your DH. Is there a GF that can come over to stay with you or can you stay with your parents, or a sibling? Company is very important ATM for you, you don't want to feel alone hun. Just remember, anytime you need a hug ask for one and I'll send you a hundred!!

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

It is normally quiet in here - I can't believe the number of posts this week! Glad to hear that everyone seems to be doing ok. We're all at different stages but it is so good that we have found this support group - sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me balanced! So thanks everyone

AFM, AF arrived last night so my hopes are dashed once again. I did a HPT Thursday morning and it was a BFN so I was expecting it but it didn't make it any easier. I have been so very emotional these last few days. Crying over good news stories like the one about the baby elephant that the zoo keepers thought had died during labour. I hate feeling so emotional and out of control. And some cycles are better than others. But I did have a talk to DH Thursday night about going back to IVF. I am a little cautious given the poor result we had from the 3 cycles we did, but a friend has just done an antagonist cycle and have been thinking about going back to do one. The FS we saw in Sydney had suggested it but later changed his mind. There is a new IVF clinic here under the FS we saw in Canberra (no more driving to Sydney for pick-up or transfer) and so am thinking we might give it another shot. I was surprised that DH was supportive. When we discussed it previously he was dead against anymore cycles. He saw how they affected me physically and emotionally and didn't want to put me through that again. I am not sure why he has changed his mind. He just said that this is the year we are going to try everything to fall pg. I am not in a hurry to go back as I don't feel physically ready - I want to be much healthier and stronger to give us the best chance. And I am going to talk to my TCM about it. Maybe it is something we might do in 2 or 3 months. However, I am very aware that getting a cycle started can take a while depending on FSH levels etc. Anyway, enough rambling from me.

Gigi1 - I am so glad that the baby shower went well. It sounds like you got through it with absolute grace and charm. Well done you! As for your brother - I hope things can work themselves out. You really don't need the stress that comes with family arguments at the moment. Take care of yourself hun. I do worry about you

Beata - I am so clueless sometimes! I had forgotten that you c/s was booked for the 16th. We lost Ryan on the 17th and I remember thinking that the dates were so close. Best of luck for everything on Tuesday. I hope that all goes smoothly and that you are holding your little one in your arms in no time! Please let us know how things go.

cmeglles - Bermuda! How exciting! I have been thinking about booking a beach house for a week as the weather gets colder. I love the beach at winter - walking along the beach when no-one else is there and coming back to hot chocolate and snuggling up by the open fire place to warm up! Maybe during our uni break. In the meantime we have a few long weekends coming up and family visiting which will be nice.

Aries - hi! Glad to hear that all is on track with you. Hope you're doing well.

Crumpet - I understand completely why you wouldn't want DH to be away overnight. We were lucky last year when we lost our baby. DH normally does a lot of interstate travel with overnight stays but for at least 6 months afterwards he didn't do one. I found it difficult to be by myself even while he was at work so for a couple of weeks he worked from home, or went in late and come home early. I hated having to leave the house and only did so when it was absolutely necessary - Dr, pysch or groceries. And then I avoided eye contact with everybody. I would have anxiety attacks if I went anywhere that reminded me of being pg or anywhere new where I would have to meet new people. I was such a different person from my normal self. My psych helped me overcome a lot of these feelings but it took about 5 months. So be gentle on yourself.

CharlieB - I had a GF who asked me to come and stay with her at her house at the beach which we have done previously. We are of the same age and get along so well and it was very kind of her to offer but part of the reason I couldn't go was because the last time we were there I was pg and I was trying hard to avoid being reminded of those happier times. I also couldn't bear to be away from my DH. He was my rock, my protector. We have since visited her a couple of times and I have gotten past the memory but it was hard the first time as she put us in the same room we had had before. Each day we get stronger and are better able to deal with these reminders.

Dory - Hi. Hope you are doing well and resting up. Remember your most important job!

to Samcougar, Blessedatlast and everyone else I have missed.
oxo

[Gigi1]

Hey Cheryl,
Good to hear from you. Sorry you had a neg this month. It sounds promising that you are considering all options though. It is hard to base these decisions on previous experience when each cycle is a fresh look/start. I hope that the coming months make things clearer for you and that whatever you do brings your dream to reality hun. Good luck and best wishes to get fit and ready too. I hope the best for you, i really do.
oxox
Beata,
The very best of wishes for you on Tuesday. How very exciting. You have come all this way. I hope you are as proud as we are! A subsequent pregnancy after loss would have to be finding a NEW normal for yourself, i guess. I admire you and look up to your strength. I hope that your beautiful cat is looking over you as your family grows. Good Luck sweet and enjoy the moment of true love. xoxoox Will be thinking of you!

Aries,
Good to hear from you hun and to know all is well in your world. Keep us in touch when you can. Love and wishes xoxo

Crumpet,
I think i mentioned a little while back that i tend to binge and feel my most down, the first day after my husbands weekend. I still find it hard sweety. We have a 24/7 relationship. We have often worked together and really enjoy living in each others pockets. We give each other the necessary space we need. So when he is away, i feel quite lost in deed. We haven't been away from each other much other than one night...that was hellish for me. We don't have an unhealthy need for each other...i just have such a closeness with him...no one else can fill that. I think it is very normal how you feel hun. I am glad it worked out. GO the Dildo Cam...not ever very nice...but hey one very good advantage, no full bladder necessary! I think that is worse.

Charlie B,
My cousin in Perth has been trying to get me to go over there...from brisbane, to stay with her for a bit. No way Hose! She thinks we are too dependant on each other and it would be good for us to spend some time away once and a while...um Bu55er off. She thinks it would be relaxing for me. I have no idea where people get off with this advice. Talk about unravel me! Another planet! I know your friend is not suggesting this...it is just my cousin beign pushy. Sometimes well meaning friends can throw you for six. Just be as honest as you can sweet and your friendship will survive it if it is strong enough. You do what you are comfortable with, stay close to your heart and listen to your needs hun. Stay strong and do whatever it is your heart tells you...no matter how crazy.

I am hoping i didn't get Crumpet and CharlieB mixed up at any point. You lovely ladies are really good at 'quoting'. I have no idea how to do it...it gets me confused. So apologies for any mix up on my part...i can be a bit slow. xoxoxo Hugs

AFM-
Hmmmm, a few things this week. I went for this appointment up the coast. Anyway some things have been confirmed. I have a few issues to contend with. I have two viruses in my system, some opportunistic bacteria and Lymes Disease seems to be present. To say i handled this well would be overkill. I have no idea where of how i got these things as I am bit of a health freak. I look after myself well although the last year has been up and down. It explains why I am so damn tired all the time and why i feel out of whack. Although at any point, these things and others that you can't really put a finger could all be caused by grief. I do feel 'not myself'. They all leave you with symptoms like chronic fatigue syndrome/glandular fever and pelvic inflam disorder etc etc. Fun...get yoursefl some, it is a blast.
Had another panick attack around my health stuff so I will get some more checked out and look at come counselling i think for the anxiety. Hmmm, i am so frustrated and upset over this. I have never 'had' to stop TTC for so long. I want to scream.
On the flip side, it gives me time to be well and a better chance of a safe pregnancy. I can get a bit fitter and feel good again.
Yesterday was DD's anniversary for her death. My mother rang all high pitched and chirpy. I could have hung up then and there. So I am hiding right now. My little cousin was down from Cairns and she came to visit today. It was lovely to see her and she just wanted to talk about DD which was perfect for me today. Selfishly, that is all i wanted. I am hiding and sewing and writing for the rest of the day. My SIL sent us flowers on Friday which was lovely of her.
I am tired and headachy so i am off for to meditate and rest. HOpe you are all well out there.
Love to you all

Dory,
Only a couple of days until you see your bubs, thinking of you. xx

[CharlieB]

Hi everyone

Hope your weekends have been enjoyable!

Hi Gigi - no mix ups as far as I can tell!! Your post made me laugh, I think crumpet is another level ahead of me, I have no idea how she does the multiple quoting in one post thingy, very impressive!!!
I'm so sorry about the health issues you are facing, but hopefully finding out about what's going on means you are one step closer to solving the problems and getting on with your TTC journey

Chez - sorry about evil AF showing up. I hope the next few cycles can bring some better news, be it IVF or natural.

beata - all the best for Tuesday, I will be kppeing you in my thoughts this week.

crumpet - how did the appointment go? ROFL at the "dildo camera"!

AFM - we went out to see some friends last night for the first time since we delivered. It felt so strange, everyone acted like nothing at all had happened, and didn't mention anything about it. I was acting like I was the same as before, but I feel like a TOTALLY different person, this HUGE thing has happened in my life that nobody will mention! I think having had a baby and meeting my beautiful little boy has changed me so much, and yet I can't express this to anyone. Does this make any sense?? Sorry I am rambling away to myself here!

Otherwise a quiet weekend, I have to start doing some proper shifts at work from tomorrow and pulling my weight a bit more, hope it goes ok.

Am anxiously awaiting my AF, have no idea when it will show up, could be weeks away I guess. But would love to TTC next cycle so bring on AF!

Take care ladies
xx

[crumpet]

crumpet - how did the appointment go? ROFL at the "dildo camera"!

AFM - we went out to see some friends last night for the first time since we delivered. It felt so strange, everyone acted like nothing at all had happened, and didn't mention anything about it. I was acting like I was the same as before, but I feel like a TOTALLY different person, this HUGE thing has happened in my life that nobody will mention! I think having had a baby and meeting my beautiful little boy has changed me so much, and yet I can't express this to anyone. Does this make any sense?? Sorry I am rambling away to myself here!

Otherwise a quiet weekend, I have to start doing some proper shifts at work from tomorrow and pulling my weight a bit more, hope it goes ok.

Am anxiously awaiting my AF, have no idea when it will show up, could be weeks away I guess. But would love to TTC next cycle so bring on AF!

Take care ladies
xx

my appt went well thanks hun....
everything looks normal, my cerivx is just a bit shorter than a normal persons which is no great suprise!!
ovaries were full of eggs so we are all systems go!!!
lol..yeah dildo cam!! i unfortunatly will have to have dildo cam every scan and every preg i have!! dam cervix!!!!

i know what u mean about being a different person..... for me its easier if ppl pretend nothing has happend, but i can understand if u did want to talk to them about it.
i think a ot of people dont know what to say or how to act after soemthing like this has happned. even now i wonder if i would know what to do to help out someone if they went through what we did...

ooh and to quote..... down the bottom right of posts there is a symbol with MQ in it, u just hit that for every post u want to quote!! easy as!!

[CharlieB]

Dh and i had a arguement about him going away for the weekend and i dont want him to go coz im not ready for him to be away all night yet, and yeah.......

I'm sorry to hear this crumpet, I completely understand you being upset, I'm sure its completely normal to want to have your DH close to you ATM

I agree 100% with beata70 - if you looked up needy in the dictionary - there I would be, waving at you!
I miss my DH like crazy even when he goes to work! I have a girlfriend who keeps asking me to go and stay with her for a few days, she is a plane flight away. But I keep refusing cause I can't bear the idea of being away from my DH at the moment.
Good advice from beata, hope you can organise friend/family to be with you if DH does end up going away.

Huge to you crumpet

[crumpet]

Crumpet, if I could reach across the screen I'd give you a big hug. I know the days/weeks after a loss are the hardest, you feel so fragile and needy, well I did anyway. Anytime DF popped out anywhere even for a couple of hours I'd get upset. I felt so needy and so alone when I was on my own. So I'm not surprised at you for being upset with your DH. Is there a GF that can come over to stay with you or can you stay with your parents, or a sibling? Company is very important ATM for you, you don't want to feel alone hun. Just remember, anytime you need a hug ask for one and I'll send you a hundred!!

thanks hun...... i had BIG issues when he went back to work, i was having anxiety quite badly but he made sure he finished early and had days off here and there to ease me back into being home alone during the day, which im ok with, its night that is the big issue now.....

we ended up compromising, he is going to go for the day sunday..... so then he doesnt miss out completely, but he isnt away at night...
not exactly what he wanted but after a lot of tears and sobbing he understood!

I'm sorry to hear this crumpet, I completely understand you being upset, I'm sure its completely normal to want to have your DH close to you ATM

I agree 100% with beata70 - if you looked up needy in the dictionary - there I would be, waving at you!
I miss my DH like crazy even when he goes to work! I have a girlfriend who keeps asking me to go and stay with her for a few days, she is a plane flight away. But I keep refusing cause I can't bear the idea of being away from my DH at the moment.
Good advice from beata, hope you can organise friend/family to be with you if DH does end up going away.

Huge to you crumpet

lol...sorry hun had to laugh at the dictionary comment!!

hun it hasnt been long so dont feel like u should be away from DH just yet..... give it a bit longer and u might well feel like going to see ur girlfriend, but i think u need to give it a bit more time. in time u will gradually feel better when DH goes to work, and then u will feel strong enough to go to visit ur GF.......

AFM: so arguement with Dh is sorted......
today i have a US to check up on what my cervix is like pre pregnancy so my OB can see how things change...... not overly excited seeing as it will be an internal scan dildo camera here i come

[Aries]

Hi girls - still here just lurking......... all is ok atm & on track. I just wanted to pop in to say to Beata that I am so excited for you for Tuesday and am wishing you every ounce of luck for the big day! How exciting to meet your little one finally. Will be thinking of you
Chat soon girls

Take care
xoxoxoxox

[Miss.B]

Aries, thanks sweetheart I'm glad everything is on track with you hun and I wish that one day soon I'll be wishing you the same when you're having your own bub! Big hugs and know that you're often on my thoughts, I really pray for a BFP for you hun x

Crumpet, I'm glad you were able to compromise with your DH, that's what it's really all about in a good relationship!

Hello to everyone else, spreading lots of and in here for my lovely friends.

I almost forgot I have to go for this BT before Tuesday, where is my brain

B xxx

[dory]

Beata - thinking of you for tomorrow and beyond.! OMG I am so excited...........

Will be back to write more later.