WTF is the person who did your scan last Friday thinking???? Surely cysts and follies looke totally different!!!! You have every right to be angry/upset. I am so sorry that you have had to endure this. It just isn't fair babe.
You know what, the only thing out of all of this that I am sure of is that you are an absolutely amazing, caring, compasionate, wonderful, kind, understanding, inspiring woman. I would give anything for a little bit of good news to come your way.
If there is anything, and I mean anything that I can do, please just let me know.
Hey Lynn, just a thought but there is a thread for PCOS here somewhere, maybe post in there and see if the girls there know anything about the u/s and what the cyst's look like compared to the folicles. They may be able to give you some advice.
Spring - thank you so much for your kind words. I guess a bit of DH is rubbing off on me. He always says don't worry about things you can't change. I can't change what this woman said to me last week, I CAN be angry about it and I CAN get answers as to what is going on. I need to find the positives, otherwise it will destroy me. The only thing that hurts is that I had hope for a week and it was false hope. But then again it gave me something to believe in for a while. I had a bit of a breakdown this morning and my m&d came over and my beautiful mum cried with me in frustration but my dad (god love him!) always thinks positive and drilled it into me that there is always a chance and if it isn't this month, then it will be next month because they will sort out what is going on and help. I guess I just have to believe that. I need to believe in something positive otherwise it will just eat away at me.
Bailey - thanks for letting me know about the thread. I do go in and read it sometimes as well as the TTC on Clomid thread. I spent the day with Dr Nat today so she was able to help me. I guess I just need to wait until Tuesday and speak to FS and get his opinion and work out where to go from here..................surely forward for a change! These hurdles are getting higher and harder, arent they?
Lynn the hurdles are getting higher and harder, but if anyone can jump them, it is you.
I agree that if it is at all possible you should try your hardest to stay positive, but it doesn't change the fact that you are allowed to feel all the other emotions such as anger and dispair. I can understand how your DH feels, I think he is just trying to make it better like most men do.
Your M&D are wonderful parents. I am so glad that you have them for support.
Deb - thank you for the info. I hope you are right. Not that it makes any of this any easier but it would be good to know that there wasn't a mistake. Thank you so much for the stone. You should see my bedside table!! I have so many things that I hope will help I am sorry that the stupid witch arrived, I hope she is being kind to you. How good is a plan! I hope I get another plan on Tuesday when I see FS. This plan didn't work so hopefully the next one does.
Mel - I am so sorry that you are going through this as well. I just wish that our bodies would work This month wasn't our month so lets make April our month - we need to stay positive together. I know it is hard but we have to remember what our dream is and do everything possible to get that dream. I think you should try and see a FS as soon as possible just to rule out that there is nothing wrong.
Bailey - I have already had that thought - what if yesterday's u/s was wrong and I am about to O! But my levels are so low that that isn't possible. I really don't know what is going on but I am going to find out on Tuesday and demand that my FS does an u/s and explains exactly what he is seeing and what happened with the other two u/s. I saw the Stillbirth article in the paper this morning. A very interesting article. The comments of the family that the interviewed sound like some of the things I have said. The last comment in particular is exactly how I feel - "Even if one family is prevented from going through this, that would be enough for us". That is my aim, to stop other familes going through this painful and heartbreaking journey.
Spring - you are right, we don't deserve to suffer any more. We are still grieving for our angels and we are now struggling to fall pg and it isn't fair. But you shouldn't feel useless. Just being here and supporting us is being useful. Everyone's journey is different and that is what makes us who we are.
Flowerchid: Sorry that your AF turned up. I hope she is short and kind to you so that you can get started on the next cycle. You sound like you have a wonderful ob, I'm glad that you felt better after seeing her and that you have a plan of attack. I hope your friend who is expecting twins is well, it amazes me that despite all your struggles, you are such a wonderful friend to so many women. Thanks for your kind words about lil' spring. I feel really blessed that I am one of the first cab's off the rank, I just wished I could have shared the cab with you all.
Lynn: I'm getting very excited about our date, I told DH and he said that he was very jealous (lol). Hope that you are feeling better.
Don't get me wrong, I am completely shattered and upset and all of those other feelings. I really did think that this was going to be my month. I was on the meds and I thought it would work. We all have dreams, and one of mine was to hold my next bubba on Christmas Day. Last Christmas was the worst and I thought I would make this Christmas better but that isn't going to be now I just feel like I don't have any energy left to feel anything. I don't know if that is because I have that numb feeling again - so many emotions that you just don't know what to feel. It is so devastating that my body won't do what it is supposed to do.
Hey Mel, I was getting worried because I hadn't heard from you in a while.
Not a stupid question about Clomid. I did ask him if that is what we would do but he said that there are too many side effects with increasing Clomid so we would probably go to FSH injections. I never ever thought I would have to inject myself to fall preg but hey I will do anything right about now.
Lynn - I am so sorry you are going through this What a stupid woman! Spring is right, surely they can tell the difference between a follicle and a cyst! It must be so hard for you, if only they had have told you all the way through that nothing was happening - it would have still been hard to deal with but at least you werent expecting something that wasnt happening. I really hope your FS can tell you what you can do from here. Do you know if maybe he just needs to up your dose of clomid or something? Sorry probably a stupid question...
Take care of yourself and let me know if you need anything :hugs:
Deb - Im sorry it isnt your month this month I hope you are doing ok and know that we are all here for you.
Bailey - I havent resisted the urge, I have tested every day for the last couple of days (see below). I still have my fingers crossed for you this month. You must be getting so excited about your holiday
Spring - Wow you sound like you have had a busy day, you must be buggered! Glad you got to see DH even if only for a short time, I can imagine how hard it is to leave without him.
Nat - Hope you are well.
tommysmum - Welcome to the thread. Sorry you have to be here, but I hope you can find some support with us.
OK well as for me, I have been testing and I have gotten all BFNs! Considering I am due for AF on Sunday I think we can now safely say that I am not pregnant AGAIN! What is wrong with me? It is making me so angry and I am so frustrated. Everyone else seems to fall without even trying but I so desperately want to be pregnant and it has been almost 7 months since we lost Nicholas. 7 months of being a childless mother, 7 months of living my life hoping and waiting to be pregnant, every decision I make in life now is based around I will be pregnant "soon".... well "soon" has been and gone a thousand times now and quite frankly it is not fair. We have been trying so hard and I would give up anything I have in life just to get a BFP and I cant get it. What the hell do I have to do? How many other positions can we try? How much longer do we have to wait? To be perfectly honest, I dont know if I can keep doing this I feel like I keep getting nowhere in life and it has been so long and my life just wont move forward, and the stress is too much. People say relax and it will happen... how can I relax when we have been trying for all this time and nothing is happening? I stress that something is wrong! I stress that it is never going to happen! I stress that I will not be having a live baby in 2007 like I had planned! I stress about whether there is something wrong with me! I stress about what if Nicholas was and always will be my only child! I stress about whether we are doing it enough! I stress about whether we are doing it too much! I stress about whether we are doing it in the right position! I stress about whether I have elevated my a*** for long enough after! I stress about stressing cause I know it is probably the reason I am not getting pregnant
DH is having his sperm test tomorrow and I have my Levovist next Thursday - where do we go if they are all normal? I have an appointment with an infertility specialist on 15 May but I dont think I cant wait that long mentally - I know I sound like a spoilt child but I WANT IT NOW!!!!! I think I have waited long enough!!!!!!
I so wish that stupid girl who posted a reply to one of my threads all those months ago and told me "I should just think myself lucky I can get pregnant" could read this now cause I would really like to tell her to F*** OFF!!!!
Anyway sorry but I really needed to vent all of that.
Mel
Last edited by Mel1977; March 30th, 2007 at 10:42 PM.
: sorry wrote bfp instead of bfn
Yeah I am here and I am ok, wasnt on last night cause we had some dramas with our bird and had to take him to the vet but anyway... long story!
Daily injections sound awful But you do what you have to do right? I remember when I thought I was going to need daily injections until they got the new antibody levels back which said they werent as high as they originally thought, I was thinking it would be awful but I would have done anything.
I kind of know what you mean about your body not doing what it should, I know we are in different situations and I know it must be harder for you because you cant make the plans cause of things not working properly, but as stupid as it sounds I sort of feel that way about my own body. Yes, I am ovulating and everything - but where is that getting me?
Anyway, I really do hope your FS can give you some answers and some hope... where are we without hope? Its what gets us through the days
Well I am going to go off and feel sorry for myself and you now
Last edited by Mel1977; March 30th, 2007 at 10:56 PM.
Lynn - I never even thought of talking to Dr Nat, I am sure she was able to give you lots of info. I hope today is a better day for you
Just wanted to let you sydney gals know that in todays Daily Telegraph there is an article on stillbirth on page 86. Mel, if you like, I can post you a copy, email me your address and I can copy it at work today and send it down.
Off to get ready for work, so will come in later, have a good day everyone.
Hi again, was just about to go when I saw Lynn and Mel's post's.
Mel - You have every right to be stressed and upset about this. Is there anyway you can get into the FS earlier than that, or try another one? Even if you try going down to their office and have a tantrum in the waiting room till they squeeze you in there somewhere?
I still have my fingers crossed for you and am hoping with everything that you get that BFP tomorrow.
Lynn - I just wanted to say that I have that same thing as you with the baby-by-christmas. I am really sad that I won't have a baby by then too. I just always imagined that I would fall first go (bit too optimistic) and that this christmas will so much better than the first and I have been struggling with that the last few days since I really started to realise I won't get that BFP this month. It is hard letting that go. I hope you are feeling a little better today, and hopefully the specialist can give you some proper answers next week. just a thought though, is it possible that the original u/s was right and there was follie's and that the second sonographer is wrong? Were both u/s's at the same place?
I just feel so useless when I try to support you guys and encourage you to get that magical BFP because I haven't had that struggle. Sorry if I just can't be what I need to be for you but I am trying my hardest.
Mel: I agree with Bailey, you shouldn't have to wait until May. Is there any way you can get in earlier? If not, can you get a referral to a different specialist just so that you can get things moving? I can't even imagine how much stress this is causing you. It would be impossible to relax and that isn't really useful advice, this isn't about relaxing, it is about having an earth baby. I hope that DH's test today goes well. How long do you have to wait for the results? What is the Levovist test that you are having? I know you are searching for reasons and I totally understand why you are exploring every option. I just can't tell you how badly I want for you not to have to be going through this.
Lynn: I don't know what to say about this Christmas. There is nothing I can say to make it better. I remember last Christmas DH and I didn't see a soul, we had toast for lunch and spent the day curled up in bed sobbing. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. I can understand why you are looking in the future towards Christmas, it is a major milestone and a day that will never really be the same without our babies. But try not to torment yourself. Just try to look at to each day as an acomplishment in itself. Otherwise if we look to far ahead, this journey just seems to long and too painful. I don't know if what I am trying to say is coming out right. I just mean that you are showing so much courage getting through each day so that in itself is massive. I hope that you have a gourgeous little bub growing in your belly or better still, in your arms by Christmas.
Bailey: I am so sorry hun that you are not hopeful for a BFP this month. I had a look at your ticker though and if the days in pink are the days you O'd, then is it still to early for a bfp? As I said to Lynn above, I wish I had the words to make it all better but every time I try to say what is in my heart, I feel like my words fail me. I am so sorry that you feel you won't have a bub in your arms this Christmas, but I am not going to give up hope for you until the witch arrives.
I am just so sad for each of you, you don't deserve to be suffering more pain then you already have. I am sending a huge cloud of to each of you.
I am sorry that the stupid witch arrived, I hope she is being kind to you. How good is a plan! I hope I get another plan on Tuesday when I see FS. This plan didn't work so hopefully the next one does.
This month wasn't our month so lets make April our month - we need to stay positive together. I know it is hard but we have to remember what our dream is and do everything possible to get that dream. I think you should try and see a FS as soon as possible just to rule out that there is nothing wrong. 
I just feel like I don't have any energy left to feel anything. I don't know if that is because I have that numb feeling again - so many emotions that you just don't know what to feel. It is so devastating that my body won't do what it is supposed to do.
What a stupid woman! Spring is right, surely they can tell the difference between a follicle and a cyst! It must be so hard for you, if only they had have told you all the way through that nothing was happening - it would have still been hard to deal with but at least you werent expecting something that wasnt happening. I really hope your FS can tell you what you can do from here. Do you know if maybe he just needs to up your dose of clomid or something? Sorry probably a stupid question... 
I feel like I keep getting nowhere in life and it has been so long and my life just wont move forward, and the stress is too much. People say relax and it will happen... how can I relax when we have been trying for all this time and nothing is happening? I stress that something is wrong! I stress that it is never going to happen! I stress that I will not be having a live baby in 2007 like I had planned! I stress about whether there is something wrong with me! I stress about what if Nicholas was and always will be my only child! I stress about whether we are doing it enough! I stress about whether we are doing it too much! I stress about whether we are doing it in the right position! I stress about whether I have elevated my a*** for long enough after! I stress about stressing cause I know it is probably the reason I am not getting pregnant 
for each of you, you don't deserve to be suffering more pain then you already have. I am sending a huge cloud of 
to each of you.
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