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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester April#2

  1. #19

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    You're not going to let it out are you?????????????????? That's cool. I will be the same (if I ever get there!!!!!).



    Movie and a cuppa sounds goods. I will buzz you tomorrow. We sound like old ladies don't we with our cuppas!!! Oh well, once we have our earth bubbas in our arms we will have a drink to celebrate! (after expressing milk of course )

  2. #20

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    I can't wait to share the first nice chilled glass of wine with you (after expressing of course) and chatting about what our babies are doing. It will happen soon honey.

    Anyway, from one Nanna to another I'm off to bed.

    Talk tomorrow.

    Nighty Ni.

    Lv Spring

  3. #21

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    Sweet dreams babe

  4. #22

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    Hi Guys,

    Bit better today thanks. I copped a bit of a serve last night from DH, one that was semi-deserved. I was having a sook about not being UTD etc, and he pretty much shut me down and told me to stop putting time limits on everything and that dates shouldn;t mean anything when we are working towards the same goal etc. He thinks that my rush and the pressure to get this baby this year has put too much stress and pressure on me and that can't be helping the TTC. Sooo hate to admit it but he is so right. (But don't anyone tell him that) SO now I am going to try to relax and just let it happen - well as long as it happens this month I hate it when he is right...luckily that isn't very often.

    Lynn - Thanks for your email today..it's nice to know people are thinking of you when you are feeling sooky. That is great news on your levels, I am not all that sure what all those numbers mean, but I get the gist of it. Let's hope it's more good news on Sunday.

    Spring - Not long now til hubby back for good. It is so true that absense makes the heart grow fonder. It's funny cos DH and I travel apart a couple of times a year, and after a week or so, I always forget how much he *****s me and I turn him onto some kind of demi-god in my mind....lol, then we re-unite and I remember! Ha ha, I am just joking though. It's great that your boss is being so fantastic. Have you told the rest of the friends and family yet or are you trying to keep that hidden a little while more? How's things wilth MIL and AIL?

    Tommysmum - Ummm...stupid question, is a vaginal scan one up the well...vagina?? Sorry, I've never heard of that, is that because bub's is still so small? Wow, and here I was worried about sticking a little thermometer in there. Lol, I am sure it was all worth it to see your little one. I don;t think I will go to playgroup on tuesday either, it is too exhausting holding all of the bikes and toys for DS that he doesn;t want, but doesn't want anyone else to play with. Cheeky bugger.

    Heybacko - Yeah, after one day of temping, I am so over it. The stupid thing has hardly any instructions and it keeps giving me the reading in farenheit! Not only that, but I just realised it only tells you anything only after you have ovulated, which won't help me too much when my cycles are chaos. I have bought a truckload of opks, so I am just going to wait for those and see how they go.

    Mel - Tested yet?? Hope you are well. I am trying to get on a two day training course for work in Melbourne in a couple of months, so maybe if it all comes together we can meet up and compare pregnant bellies?

    Hi to everyone else...

  5. #23

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    Bailey - you crack me up about the vaginal scan and thermometre LOL! Yeah the temping is a pain especially because it tells you after it happens but at least you will know when you are ovulating. Doing this with the OPK's will help.

    I know exactly how you feel about putting a time on this TTC journey. I thought I would have my second bubba by Christmas. Last Christmas was so $%^& and this one well it won't be as bad but I still won't have my earth baby. It is so hard not to stress when you want something so bad and you want it by yesterday.

  6. #24

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    Hey Lynn, thanks for understanding what I mean about the whole christmas thing. It's weird, but I just felt like the last one was so fake, so I just wanted it to be better this time. Not just for myself, but for DH and my mum and especially DS. I hate the thought of him having a memory of me just laying around crying all chrissy. In wanting this so much, I have just put too much pressure on us, so I have let it go, and honestly, since accepting that it's not going to happen this year, (stupid golden pig!) I am feeling a little better. Well at least there will be some new bubs amoung us by then, and ours will be in here Janruary right!! Oops, here comes that pressure again. Did I just read that you only have 3 days til ovulation?? Well, go to bed and get some done!! Wow, you and DH will have a busy weekend huh?

  7. #25

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    Christmas was fake last year wasn't it! It was an out-of-body experience for me. I think I sat there crying for most of the day and when I wasn't crying I was sleeping.

    I hate the stupid golden pig!!! Sorry for telling everyone about this earlier on in the year! Yes January will be our month of lots of screaming, pooing babies!!!

    My ticker is a US one so it clicks over a bit early. I am CD11 tomorrow. I think I was kidding myself when I put down 14 days till ovulation. I have never been that!!!! I am just wishing. I thought with the injections that might happen but based on my levels yesterday I'm not sure it will be 14 but lets hope it is sooner than 40 like last cycle!!!!!! My levels are better than last cycle so that is something The good thing about being monitored is they can tell you when to go home and bed so you don't have to do it forever!!!!!!!!!!

  8. #26

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    Hey guys

    Lynn - good luck with the BT tomorrow and i hope those allergies clear up - i have the same problem and it looks like i have burns on my arms. It sounds like you are having progress this month so watch out !!! Have fun at the wedding tonight - hope weather clears up - i have just changed my outfit for the wedding i am going to, to pants - i think it is just going to be too cold otherwise.

    Also Happy 5 month Birthday to Cooper - hope you are having a little party with all the other angels.

    Spring - I can't believe you have kept your secret for so long - how do you suck it in ? Your boss sounds so understanding - you are very lucky. 6 weeks to go until DH comes home hey - well just think how far you will be then - getting very close.

    Guys - i don't think i will be able to make it tomorrow - it looks like i will be having lunch with the MIL and friends.....have a nice time whatever you decide to do.

    Bailey - i hope you are ok. If DH is noticing that you are stressed about getting pg then you probably are and i think he is right (unfortunately). Hey it will happen this month and at xmas time you can have everyone serving you lunch as you will be too big to move around. Golden pig - really ! I mean i know it is good luck but to be associated with a pig might not be the best thing. And the vag-scan -yes they do it cause it is so small and they get the best results but you can also have them throughout pgncy. I had a couple with Tommy when they couldn't see what they wanted to - i have another in 2 weeks - yippee !

    Heybacko - little shopper didn't get a thing....i went to the drycleaners instead and i called it "shopping"...that could be why she played up on me all day yesterday - little rat ! Wow - Lake Taupo - i don't think i have seen pic's (i probably have but don't know it) and i am sure it will be nice - good luck with the weather (it is crap here) and hope you have a gorgeous weekend.

    GUYS - i personally think it is torture to write what you are going to cook ! I mean soup and damper - i could eat it for breakfast ! If you are going to tell about your cooking expeditions could you pls send a doggy bag to me. Thanks. I have a new kitchen in which i can't use cause it needs the final touches - i look at it every day and my brand new oven (90cm) i can't wait to use it. Instead i have an oven which can take 2 hours to crisp up pre-cooked pumpkin; needs a kick sometimes to show the right temperature; and is just totally f***d.

    Flowerchild - i hope you are doing well and this month is the month for you - any signs yet ???

    Mel - i hope you are doing well too and that your body is getting on track. Take it easy.


    Hello to everyone else - hope you are all doing well.
    Might not be on for a day or two. Take care and enjoy the w/end.
    Must go and pick up this dry cleaning (DH suit for wedding - ergh) !

  9. #27

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    Dear Little Cooper,

    Thinking of you today and your Mummy and Daddy. Happy 5 month birthday sweetie-pie.

    Luv Spring and Harry

  10. #28

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    I'm sorry this is an extremely selfish post - I dont have it in me to read all of your posts.

    Wanted to let you all know that we have failed again this month - AF arrived this morning I have not idea what is going on, she wasnt due until Monday and I really did think there was a great chance I was pregnant this month... as if! I cannot stop crying, to the point where DH has had to take the kids with him to an appointment he has. I dont think I have it in me to keep going, I feel like its all wearing me down to a point I just cant handle. I just pulled myself out of the "big black hole" and I am scared that after today I am going to fall back down. I want to know how much mkore I am expected to go through - as if it isnt hard enough buring my son, now I am going to celebrate his 8 month birthday in a week and I cant even get pregnant.

    I am so angry at life and myself, and I just hate everything!

  11. #29

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    HAPPY 5 MONTH BIRTHDAY COOPER

    Thinking of you Lynn.

  12. #30

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    Mel,

    You are not being selfish at all. You have every right to feel upset, angry, furious, confused, sad and everything else that you want to feel. Just let it all out babe, we are all here to listen to you and to be there to lift you up on days like these. It just doesn't seem fair, it is F#%@&D!!!!

    Do you feel ok? And when I say that I mean as ok as you can feel. Perhaps if you feel like it you can give you big sister a call so that she can give you some company and a huge hug. It must be hard having the kids there so I am glad DH managed to get them out of the house for a while.

    It is really important that you realise that you and DH are doing everything humanley possible to fall pregnant and it is not your fault, you are a wonderful mother to Nicholas and you will be a wonderful mother to an earth baby. I don't know why this has to happen to such a beautiful person. You have been such an amazing friend to me and I would give anything to help you through this dark time.

    With AF coming a few days early, it may be because of stress levels. Although it is totally different, when I was at uni and had high levels of stress during exam times, I would find that my cycles would get a bit out of wack. So don't be to worried about that, I am sure they will get back to normal. When is your appointment with the FS? I remember you saying that it was in May, right down everything that you want to know about and want to be investigated (like your cycle being a bit different) so that when you see the FS you can just hand over the list.

    More than anything I want you to know that you are not alone, no matter where we are in our TTC journey, everyone single one of us loves you to bits and would do anything to take away this pain.

    If you need anything just let me know, if you feel up to a call later on let me know and I will call you. I'm going to hang around BB for a while to see if you feel like posting some more.

    Just try to be kind to yourself.

    With Big love and huge cuddly hugs

    Lv Spring
    :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

  13. #31

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    Hey Spring,

    I know I am not alone but sometimes I really feel like I am. Not in the sense that I am the only one going through this journey, but more like I am the only one who is in my head and no one around me (in person that is) knows how it feels. I have text my big sister but dont feel up to calling her. Plus, Michael will be back with the kids soon and I have to try and pull myself together before they arrive.

    We are going to MILs this afternoon and she is showing me how to make her home-made vegetarian pasties (which I am totally addicted to) and then staying for dinner. I was considering saying I wasnt going to go cause I know I will be a bit down but then I thought well if I am down I am and they just have to accept that - usually I go to places and put on a brave face like all is peachy but why should I? If they are uncomfortable with it its their problem. I am pretty sure MIL will be ok and understand, FIL is a nuffy anyway so I dont care what he thinks. Plus, we have told the kids we are going so cant change our mind now. My sis suggested them going and me staying home but I really dont think its the best idea for me to stay home alone while I feel like this - I would be a mess by the time they got home.

    My FS appointment is on 15th May (2 days after I am due to O next cycle ). I really wish I could get in earlier and try to get to talk to him before I am due to O but apparently he is busy. I know compared to alot of other people who have been trying a whie my fertility problems are insignificant. It is Nicholas 8 month birthday next Saturday and I cannot believe I am still struggling to conceive - I expected I would be about 6 months pregnant by now

    Anyway, I will live - thanks for your support, you have no idea how much it means to me

  14. #32

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    DH just got home with the kids and told me that he has explained to them that I am upset and why. He said he thinks it is important that they know I am sad, firstly because he thinks they are old enough to know to thruth at 5 and 6 (2yo has been in bed having a nap since he left) and secondly because he said he thinks it is important they know that I am sad and not just grumpy - I guess kids do sometimes have difficulties knowing the difference between emotions. Anyway he said he told them I am sad because I want a baby and at the moment I cant have one I think I wish he hadnt of said that, now it will get back to their mother and as if she doesnt already dedicate her whole life to making ours hard she is gonna love the fact that she has given him 3 kids and I cant give him 1! She is a really nasty person and I guarantee she will be happy about this. I didnt tell him off though, whats done is done and I am sure he had good intentions.

  15. #33

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    Mel: I think it is a good idea that the kids know what is going on. Their little imaginations would be running overtime worrying that is it something they had done so I think that honesty is the best policy. Who cares if it gets back to DH's ex, stuff her I say.

    About tonight, go if you feel up to it, and like you said if you feel down, don't put on a happy face, just be yourself and if that means being sad well so be it. The vegetarian pasties sound delightful, I hope they fill up your belly and make you feel a bit better.

    Oh and Mel your fertilty is far from insignificant, you have been through so much so it is totally understandable that at 8 months of trying you feel like you have been doing this for a lifetime.

    Just take it easy this arvo, have a bit of a nap if you feel like it. I hope tonight is nice and relaxing for you. Just don't pressure yourself to be happy if you are not. The people who love you will totally understand and only want to help you.

    Big love
    Spring

  16. #34

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    Thanks Spring, I wont have time for a nap but I will just stuff myself with the pasties later on and eat myself happy - whatever it takes huh! Have a nice night, thanks again

  17. #35

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    Bring on the food therapy I say. Just whatever it takes to put a smile on your dial.

    Take care and I hope you have a nice arvo.

    Biggest hugs ever
    Lv Spring

  18. #36

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    Happy 5 month birthday Cooper ... Take good care of your Mama and Daddy today...

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