Being the mum of two year old twins myself the biggest shock to the system and most difficult thing to cope with for me was the lack of sleep. Neither of my girls ever slept at the same time and it was hectic to say the least. If anyone would have offered to watch one while I and the other had a sleep it would have been a godsend.
Also something that i have done for a friend is go and visit and while there do some washing up or clean the bathroom or something. They may tell you not to worry, but insist and they will certainly appreciate it
having twins that are currently 3.5 weeks old, I can safely say the most appreciative thing is the food, the housework whilst would be lovely - can always wait, I find that I'm only eating one meal a day because in between the feeding, changing, burping, I only have time to get around to a meal around 6-7 pm.
Even buying a BBQ chook with some salad leaves and bread rolls is the most appreciative thing!
Taking them some healthy food they can easily reheat is a winner, who wouldn't love that! Reading their situation I can't help but comment on the father..... Perhaps you can assist him in finding another days work (or even 1/2 a days work) and that money can pay for a cleaner once a week! So what if he is 55 and enjoys part time work, they chose to have more children and he should look after them. That may sound harsh but it's JMO
Thanks so much Cherish for your wonderful input ... (wasn't sure what your comment mean't about his age ... His a young at heart & fit for 55, though does have some recent health issues but that could happen to anyone at any given age, and yeh just cause one is older shouldn't determine whether they should be a parent again or not, i think you mean't it like that in a positive way Cherish )
His line of work isn't the same as mine or DP's so in that area we can't help him at all but he did mention yesterday that he is now looking for full-time work in his profession cause otherwise they are simply not going to make ends met financially with two newborns on the way, mortgage re-payments (they only purchased their 1st home last year), etc ...
DP & i spoke with them last night that they should get out together now more than ever, just the two of them before the twins are here and that we would gladly babysit their other child as often as they like !!
I had a few friends make me meals in the early weeks which was really nice but what I really remember was my sister making me meals in the last couple of months of my pregnancy. I was so horribly tired and uncomfortable I could barely function and I used to stop by her place after my OB visits as she was close to his office. She would always be making me a meal to take home with me. Honestly, after a day when I'd had to drive to the OB (which sapped all my energy!) coming home and not having to cook dinner was WONDERFUL.
In the first couple of weeks after the babies were born, I coped pretty well - you know, they sleep all the time and DH was home from work. Once they hit about 6 weeks it got really tough and THAT's when I could have used some meals etc. Or what i would have loved is someone to drop by and just put the babies in the pram and go for a walk to the park or something so I could have a rest or do something OTHER than look after babies!
Also, if you're going to go round to help, don't go there and say 'is there anything I can do' because all of us just say 'oh no, I'm fine, thanks' go in, look around and say 'does the floor need a vacuum, where's the vacuum cleaner' or 'shall I clean the bathroom for you' or whatever it is you want to do.
Well, looks like a change of plans ... and i don't want to sound cruel saying this as we are not ' close ' friends ' as such, she is someone i have known since my DD was 4mths old & her & my DD adore each other but i have found since she has been pregnant she doesn't seem to want my help in anyway ... i have had health issues since last December and when i went in for surgery this January she didn't even bother to ring me before going in to hospital let alone ask me anything when i came home to recover like as if nothing happened ... and since my OP she hasn't asked me not once how i am cause i have told her i have had complications since the surgery and am going to have my 3rd lot of blood tests this week and hopefully find the GP will find more answers next Wed when i get the results.
I find whenever i ring her now she doesn't want to hear anything about me yet i have to listen to every single detail about her pregnancy (which she whinges about alot, keeping in mind she was the one who decided to put two eggs in with IVF and it was her second go within months, so she took that chance of being pregnant with twins ... and she very well knows DP & I have been trying TTC #2 bub for 3years and she know we can no longer have another child) ... she doesn't stop to think about the details she tells me like for example when her DD (who is same as my DD) when they go out shopping and hear babies crying how she & her DD talk about them have ' babies ' in their house soon and how wonderful it will be. Then she asks me if i think that's lovely and i do at first but then i can't escape the thought that i will NEVER have that conversation with my own DD as we are no longer able to have another child. And when ever i visit (which i hardly do now) the entire visit is talking about what she has bought for the nursery, and she has to show me everything and then she whinges the whole time about being pregnant. Every 5mins she is rubbing her pregnant belly looking at me.
I don't want her & her DH to be walking on egg shells with my DP & but at least hold back with some things, if anything i'm actually happy she feels she can share the joy with us but at times it starts to weigh very heavy on our hearts listening to every detail at every visit or if we run into them or if we talk on the phone.
I know it's not just me as my DP recently said he feels even he can't go visit them until the babies are born as it's getting to him. He like me said of course the conversation of the twins is to be spoken about and we wouldn't want it to be any other way and we are so darn happy for them as we know the emotional pain we have been through in trying for another baby. But it becomes far too much for my DP & i when clearly her & her DH are clearly not bothering to think about our situation and how sensitive some topics can be ... they just don't seem to care about how we feel let alone truly care about our situation. We were there for them every step of the way with their two attempts of IVF but they have never asked us once how we are with our own 3year TTC journey which has sadly come to an end and they KNOW that.
So ladies i hope i don't sound insensitive or harsh in any way, i just know DP & i could never do what they are doing to another couple in our situation ... in fact i know that cause when i was pregnant with our DD we were around our SIL who didn't know if she could have children and we never spoke about my pregnancy, i sat with my pregnant belly talking about other subjects, as we didn't want to appear to glot or hurt her in anyway.
Anyway, on that note ladies ... the most i will do is give her some meals to freeze after the babies are born and always offer to babysit her DD when need be ... i think that's still helping her ... and keep my eye out in OP shops for anything she say's she short of in baby clothing etc ... DO YOU LADIES THINK THAT'S OK & ENOUGH TO HELP HER ???
Thanks again ladies for all your help & in put, hope you can put yourselves in my shoes and understand where i am coming from with this post.
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