Thank you so much for your replies and advise. I feel ridiculous. I can't stop crying. Gee who would have thought I would care this much. I think this letter has just emphasised the rejection I have felt for along time over their lack of support over the past 2years when I really wanted answers as to why I felt so punished by God and again by them not caring enough to even give me a call. Apart of me felt like a fraud now been comfortable to return to the Church now that I'm in my happy place with J until this has happened. I don't think I can ever feel truely welcome there now. Yes I'll definately be writting a letter as although I'd love to call them I know I'll go to tears.