Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

[kristy J]

i think if you ask for money than one of those wishing wells are best too. some people may not be able to afford much and that way someone can donate $10 or $100 and everyone is appreciated the same.

its not uncommon these days but i honestly hate to give money.

[~Trish~]

I think $50 is very generous! Particularly after all of your travelling. I really don't think the bride & groom will be judging everyone's gift amounts, being a Greek Orthodox wedding there will be LOADS of guests so I'm sure they won't even remember who gave them what!

[Kitt3n]

I think this is a perfectly fine gift request! I mean, if you do a bridal registery the wedding couple are going to know exactly how much everything cost anyway!

We will be asking for money as yes, we have everythign we need and will would appreciate any gifts as moeny in order to help pay for the reception. Any physical "gifts" unfortunately wouldt actually be gofts, as we would probably end up taking them back to the store or passing on as a present to someone else.

As far as how much to give - most Orthodox have a basket at the door of the recepetion where you pop in $5 or $10 and you get a flower from the region of the bride to pin on your clothing.

Personally i think you should only give what you can - and you should not be ashamed if this is $20, $200 or $2000 dollars. THEY have invited you there, therefore your presence is the present

Just a head sup about the $5 at the recepetion for you though!!

[Pandora]

I'm sure however much you can afford, if you choose to, is fine, I am sure your friends dont expect you to put yourselves under financial stress to attendtheir wedding.

[Junglemum]

If you could only afford $10 then that would be a suitable amount. $50 is more than enough if that is what you can manage. I would never judge a friend by the amount of money they gave me! i am sure your friends wouldn't either.

As other people have said, you don't HAVE to give money. If i go to a wedding and they ask for money but i have seen something i would prefer to buy them, then i buy them a gift.

Again as other people have said, presence not presents is important. And if presents are more important to the couple than presence i would seriously be thinking about my friendship!

[Rouge]

I don't think its rude either, friends of ours did a wishing well, but people could also buy a gift if they wanted to. I'm sure there will be plenty of people who give presents still, its probably a recommendation not a necessity. Do whatever you feel comfortable with Thats the most important thing, they aren't going to care either way. It just makes it easier for people when they probably have everything they need anyway. There will probably something similar to a wishing well setup so you can place cards/envelopes there.

[SammyRo]

I think your friends would more appreciate the effort and cost you are going to to share the day with them, rather than the gift of money you bring.
We didn't live together until aobut 4 months before our wedding, but we were totally set up at our engagment (where we so didn't expect to be given gifts. WE still have stuff in boxes at my parents coz no room in our unit for it!
So, we decided to do teh honeymoon registry, guests didn't have to say how much they put in and the travel agents did't tell us individual amounts. We did still get gifts on the day as well, which we appreciated just as much. So if you go the route of getting a gift, I'm sure they will still love it. You could go for something more ornamental than practical - say, a nice vase rather than a platter dish - the Willow tree ornaments range have some lovely ones suitable for weddings or engagements, and they have little meaningful quote to go with them. We got one for our engagement, and have since bought a number of friends similar for weddings or such, just because they are so nice. (they also don't cost too much - around the $40-$50 mark, but they look lovely)

[squidipa]

I must admit that does sound rude but some times just sometimes ppl do have everything they "THINK" they need. Now in saying that i got married in a different country where all my hubbies family lives we said to ppl please dont give us any gifts at all but bring a plate to the reception. We did also imply that if ppl felt they must give something cash would be of preference as we did not have the money spare to pay the weight on it to get back to Australia And i did have a house full of stuff .

We did get a few bits of cash not alot but every time i say something anything i was like WOW and very appreciative wethor that be 10 or 20 or more dollars. In total we got about 600 not much but the effect of that amount ment we were able to do things on our honey moon we would not have been able to do like dine out more and things like that.

There was one person whom gave us about 350 and i nearly died i was so amazingly wowed out. There was another person whom did buy us a gift to bring back to Australia and i gotta tell ya that one gift takes pride of place in our room. Wouldn't have cost very much 20 at max It was a picture frame with 4 pictures of the seanery of where we got married In New Zealand. Even tho we said no gifts please it was the best received thing!! Ild suggest buy a gift if they are rude enough not to be grateful stuff them. My momma always said beggers cant be choosers!!!

[LisaL]

Mmm I normally give money as a gift anyway but I get a bit shirty when people ask for it specifically, Id rather they have a register, I know its easier with money but then it puts some people in a bit of a bind.. as for the $50 - thats fine as an amount, its whatever you can afford, and any amount is appreciated. What you can do, is perhaps by a nice picture frame or two large candles (from a variety/two dollar shop) and put them in a small box with some tissue paper, rose petals, and a handful of wrapped lollies or choclolates (this signifies you are wishing the couple a sweet life together) and put your card in the box and nice big bow over the top. That way you can still spend $60 and it looks like you have spent a bit more and put in extra effort which im sure they will appreciate more than the actual dollar amount...

BOL

[krysalyss]

We did a wishing well and I don't think it is rude as it was anonymous. We don't know who gave what or even if everybody gave something. Some people still brought gifts instead which was fine. We lived together before and had quite a bit of stuff and not much space so we put the money to a land deposit. I think you can ask nicely and you can ask rudely but most people feel that they would rather give you something you want or can use, not something you already have.

[aussienic]

We have been to a few weddings now where they give the option of money or a gift.. We choose the gift.. Except for 2 wedding we just put $50 in a envelope.. but like you I prefer to give a gift that might look a little exxy..

[Astrid]

We asked for money at our wedding as we were saving for a house deposit, had most things as I had been living alone for years and also we married in our home state, so it was preferable not to transport large gifts. Everyone gave money, except for my dad who gave a Myer gift voucher which we purchased a full dinner set with. I think only one person grumbled, but many others were very thankful. We decorated a large money box and left little envelopes decorated with our initials with it.

Personally I don't see any difference between asking for money and having a registry. If anything I hate being made to purchase a gift that I do not like as it is the only one that fits into my budget.

[Erin_25]

yeah I don't see a prob with it at all & I agree as above...there is no difference to a registry or money. They will still know what was on the list & how much it cost. Also with a registry the couple choose what gifts are on it, so if they were greedy they could choose all very expensive things & that prob would be worse IYKWIM.

I like the idea & yes we did it at our Wedding. I hate trying to choose a gift not knowing it it will be liked or used...giving money is sooo much eaiser. We had a wishing well so you just pop the money in - you did not have to say who it was from, though most had cards with them.

We were thankful for what we got, we did not judge anyone. It was our special day & we were just happy to have everyone there.

I think you also need to remember that the day is usually at a significant cost to the couple & they usually will be feeding you, you will be drinking free drinks & they will have paid for some sort of entertainment. Therefore most people have a fun time at the expense of the coupe as that's what they wish for their day, but it doesn't hurt to then give what they have asked in return IYKWIM. It doesn't have to be lots, receiving something is better than nothing & if you want to get a gift then go for it....we got gifts also & they were great too.

[MummaBear79]

I dont think it is rude at all. My husband and I did this for our wedding a few years ago. We had what we called a 'money tree' and everyone just pinned money to it with pegs. It was anonymous and we didnt really care who gave what. Like someone else said, every little bit helps. I think at our age (youngish) we want to buy what we want or maybe go on that special holiday, rather than recieve a whole heap of things that we didnt need. I think its a great idea and good on em for doing it. Money should be used wisely these days, not wasted.

[Phteven]

smiles, if they really have everything then they don't need money either so I think that a really appropraite gift would be one from the oxfam unwrapped catalogue.
You can order a wedding card with it

tehehehehehe


ETA -as for whether it's rude or not I guess that different cultures have different traditions so what is normal in one might seem a bit rude in another. In DH's culture everyone gives the bride gold jewelry. It seems a bit odd but it means that if something goes wrong and the woman wants out of her marriage down the track she has something of value that she can use to support herself while she finds her feet.
My Mum thought it wsn't fair in DH so she gave him some gold too lol.

[smiles4u]

DACHLOSTAR, that's such a super idea for my 'next' Wedding gift

... My sister gave everyone OXFAM gifts this past Xmas ...Everyone just LOVED the idea

Everytime I look at my daughter's little doll from OXFAM I think how beautiful that some other little girl (who may never have owned a doll before) has it's twin doll

P.S - I too agree, if the couple mention they have everything then why ask for anything at all

[luna moth]

smiles, if they really have everything then they don't need money either so I think that a really appropraite gift would be one from the oxfam unwrapped catalogue.
You can order a wedding card with it

We got 4 of these for our wedding. We specified no gifts - 99% of our guests had to travel 200-600km to get there - instead we received donations to go towards our sponsored child's charity. We set up a money house (a hand-me-down from friends who asked for cash) which we redecorated to look African, with a cow and a straw roof.

This turned out to be a double barrel gift, as most people didn't include their details with their donation (we provided forms so that the option was there) so we put it all through in my name when we forwarded it to Plan. It came back to us in the form of a $3500 tax return for me, because of the large charitable donation.

In a vent though (one that I've never been able to have anywhere else) other friends who have asked for cash have netted $4-5000. With the same number of guests, we pulled in under $2000. I know there was travel involved, but I can't help but think that it's rude. If we'd asked for money for us, we'd have got more. But we asked for money for those who NEED it more, and we got less.

We did also ask for handmade and personal gifts, including recipes, letters, stories and photos of us. We got a hilarious handbook from a cousin, some great vinyl records, a marriage textbook someone got from a local op shop, loads of great photos and heaps of lovely and touching letters. I cried more opening our gifts than I did on the wedding day!

So my answer to smiles4u's original 3-month-old and now irrelevant (wedding would have passed) question is: NO, it's not rude to ask for money. It's shallow, but it's not rude.

And for amysarah: it's pretty common to ask everyone to bring a bottle, you just have to be sure they will all come! Otherwise you can get an imbalanced range of ingredients! It's actually more practical than having to ask everyone for money on the night, or ****ing about with change, or the bridesmaid being out of pocket $200, as happened at a recent hens night I hosted. I think that what you've done is completely acceptable though, because you have let them know. Enjoy the night!

[Banx]

DP's sister got married last year and she asked for donations towards their honeymoon..

It was run through harvey world travel and people could just go in there and give over money.. it was asking for money but not "cash"... I didnt find it rude at all

I thought it was a great idea