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Thread: Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

  1. #1
    smiles4u Guest

    Question Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

    Hi all,

    ... I'm hoping I'm in the right area here for this question ?!!

    DP & I received an invitation in the mail last Friday to my friend's son's Wedding that will be in July ... I'm so excited, yep I LOVE Weddings

    Anyway, with the invitation in the envelope was a little card (written as a poem) about how they have everything & that they would rather that guests give MONEY as a gift

    ... Well, my initial reaction was "HOW RUDE" as I know for a fact they don't have "Everything" as stated, they each live with their parents & haven't even decided when & where they will be living after the Wedding

    DP & I feel embarrassed about this situation as we were hoping (maybe like some guests) to find a GIFT that looked expensive But that is not (if you know what I mean).

    Now, in giving money it's crystal clear how much we are giving as a Gift.

    HAS ANYONE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION ???

    HOW DO YOU PHYSICALLY " GIVE THE MONEY " AS A GIFT AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION ???



    I have never been to a GREEK ORTHODOX Wedding before (which this is) ... Please tell me I'm not expected to pin the money on the Bride's dress as we only want to give about maybe $50 or $60 ... not a $100

    HOPE SOMEONE CAN HELP ME WITH SOME ADVICE

  2. #2
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    feeb is offline Thankful for the kindness of my 2012 RAK making me Life member

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    I have been to a wedding before that wanted cash for presents and it is hard to work out what to give.

    I have also been at a wedding whre it was pay your own way at reception.

    For our wedding we had 2 gift registers a myer one and a flight centre one, that way people could get a present or give money it was there choice and only for guidance.

    I think with greek orthodox it depends what part they come from as to whether money is pinned on dress, i worked with a girl who was cypriat and they got prsesnts and money so people had a choice.

    Good luck with it

  3. #3

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    Not all Greeks pin money to the gown - it comes down to what part of Greece they are from! and if you're not comfortable, simply don't do it. i'm sure there will be a table for those who choose to give gifts (yes, you DO still have a choice) and for cards etc....

    we asked for money or Bunnings vouchers for our wedding, and had the equivalent of a wishing well - all money/vouchers went into that anonymously, so we didn't know who gave what. we didn't want to know to be honest - it's just what we did. we've since purchased all the paint for renovating our house, built a garden and fenced our front yard with that money. we really didn't need anything....

    as to the Greeks - i know a LOT of them - have been to sooo many weddings - and have NEVER pinned money on a dress. the Greeks we know are not from that part of Greece.... also, they might still live with mum and dad - doesn't mean they're not set up with the things the average person would give them. as a general observation, most Greek families make sure their children are well set up on moving out of home - hell, we had friends that bought their kids their first houses! the things that most of us can afford to give as gifts are already there waiting, so they'd be looking for money towards bigger purchases (bed, whitegoods etc) - but, as always, there is no obligation for you to give them money. you can give them whatever you want!

    enjoy the wedding - there will be a ceremony you may not understand (if it's done as a traditional Orthodox ceremony), an absolute abundance of food, and a great night for everyone (just make sure you wear your dancing shoes - and don't be embarrassed to learn the Greek dancing if they offer to teach you!)

  4. #4
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    We asked for money for our wedding. We didn't care or judge how much money we were given as every bit helped. I'm sure that they won't care how much you give and that they will be grateful for every cent they get.

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    I've had this happen on a few occasions - we even told people for our wedding not to buy gifts or give money or anything!!!
    Anyway, we had to go to a friends wedding the other weekend, and they asked for cash - which is so much the norm now it didn't worry us in the slightest. So we just gave them $100 in a card - and people "usually" have a wishing well there that you just pop it into. You don't even have to acknowledge the amount that you give them, just chuck the money in an envelope and then have your card separate if you don't want them to know how much money you are giving them
    Good luck - and congrats to the happy couple..

  6. #6

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    We asked for money at our wedding too... as DH and I had lived with each other for some time, and had children etc... we were told by most of our guests that they appreciated it as they had no idea what to get us otherwise. I prefer to be able to give money as a gift.

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    We are going to a friends' wedding in June and they have asked for money to be put in a 'wishing well'. they have lived together for a while now and do have everything so i dont see a problem with it. i am assuming they will use it for their honeymoon or similar.

  8. #8

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    DH and I never mentioned a word about presents or money or anything.... we don't believe in 'asking' for money or presents, but rather just the guests attendance was important to us. We're set up, have everything we need and we think it's a bit rude that people ask for money let alone a present.... whatever just happened to getting married and if you got a present or whatever it was a bonus!!

    It does make it very difficult especially for those that can only afford $30 or so.... because I think many ppl would feel embarrassed at the $ amount they are giving whereas if it's a present they can hide how much they've spent iykwim.....
    Good luck I hope it works out for you i dont really have any advice!! You could go against the grain and buy them a present of your choose, that way you can spend whatever you can afford and they don't need to know how much you spent. Just cos they ask for money doesnt mean you have to give money kwim??

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    We asked for money instead of gifts for our wedding, as we had been living together for a few years, and had all that we needed at that point in time (in regards to small things anyway!).

    The way that we asked for money was in the form of a poem, where we said that we would prefer money, but if that made people uncomfortable, then they could still give us a traditional present. And maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of our guests gave us a normal gift. It didn't really bother us either way.

    I think though, that there is also a risk in just going with normal gifts anyway - my sister went to a wedding where the couple received 6 white serving platters. And how many do you need?

    And with money, people can buy things that suit their own tastes - usually in the thankyou letter, they will thank you for the money, and let you know what the money is being used for - eg. ours was our honeymoon and saving for a house, others are towards a new bed, fridge, lounge suite etc.

    But if you still feel uncomfortable in giving money, then I reckon that you can still give a normal gift - if too unsure about it, surely your son could just check with his friend if he minds?

  10. #10
    smiles4u Guest

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    Oh, thanks so much for your advice

    **** IS $50 or $60 stingy to give as a money gift ??????

    ... I'm by no means stingy it's just this family talks a lot about money & seems to put a lot people's success on how much money they earn or have ... not the value as you as a person !!

    We would love to give more than $50 ($60 is stretching it) ... BUT we already going to spending a TON of money$$ that day on petrol as we are the night before the wedding day driving 2&half hours to get to DP's folks to babysit our toddler (we have no one else closer to do so) on the day of the Wedding. And on the day of the Wedding we will be driving about a 2&half hour trip again to the Wedding & reception, ... and then 2&half hours back to pick our daughter up & then another 2&half hours back to OUR home.

    No money will explain how exhausted we will be from all the travelling BUT they are great friends of mine & I couldn't think about not going (so that's not an option).

    THANKS HEAPS AGAIN TO ALL

  11. #11

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    We suggested money for our wedding as well.
    I had some relatives approach me to say they would not be giving money, as they buy a certain present for every wedding they go to, and then told me what it would be, which ended up being something I absolutely loved. We weren't offended by people not giving m oney or ho w much or how little. We did it mainly to stop getting more than one of everything or doubling up on what we already had.

    Nic

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    We specifically asked for no gifts ("We want your presence not your presents") as were already pretty well set up.

    But we still recieved gifts: all of which are really personal and beautiful......a painting of where DH grew up, some hand turned book ends, some wine etc.

    One of our friends did face-painting on all of the children at the wedding and then sent us a framed montage of all of the photos of the children with the face paints on.......it it was a wonderful unexpected "gift" that we treasure.

    My point being that some of our friends and family went "against" what we requested, which didn't bother us at all.

    They should be that wrapped up in each other on the day, and that joyful at sharing it with you, that they most likely won't even notice!

    So my advice would be to go with what you want to do. A personal gift (regardless of budget) will most likely end up as more special to them in the long run?

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    In our "wishing well", all the monies given were anonymous... and we had a table in which guests left cards... we figured that the anonymity of it meant that no one needed to be embarrassed by only giving $10 or whatever. The most common amount given was $50.

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    I will be attending a wedding in November and they want money to pay for their honeymoon. I know that this is a common practice now (OMG, do I sound old? I'm not even 30 yet!) but I still can't get comfortable with the idea.

    This couple has been together for 2 years or so and are living together SO they do have everything they need. Now I am trying to determine what to get them. Major stress as it will cost us over $1000 to get to the wedding.

  15. #15

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    When DH and I got married, we were returned to our home State to get married as that was where everyone was. We asked people to be mindful that anything they bought, we had to transport back in our car and room would be limited so suggested gift vouchers as an alternative. Some people did that and we didn't care about the amount because we just wanted to celebrate with our family and friends. For the people who travelled from Vic for the wedding, they actually bought us a gift when we got back...

    And for what it is worth, I think $50-$60 is perfectly reasonable. Only give what you can afford to give.

    MG

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    i think if you ask for money than one of those wishing wells are best too. some people may not be able to afford much and that way someone can donate $10 or $100 and everyone is appreciated the same.

    its not uncommon these days but i honestly hate to give money.

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    I think $50 is very generous! Particularly after all of your travelling. I really don't think the bride & groom will be judging everyone's gift amounts, being a Greek Orthodox wedding there will be LOADS of guests so I'm sure they won't even remember who gave them what!

  18. #18

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    I think this is a perfectly fine gift request! I mean, if you do a bridal registery the wedding couple are going to know exactly how much everything cost anyway!

    We will be asking for money as yes, we have everythign we need and will would appreciate any gifts as moeny in order to help pay for the reception. Any physical "gifts" unfortunately wouldt actually be gofts, as we would probably end up taking them back to the store or passing on as a present to someone else.

    As far as how much to give - most Orthodox have a basket at the door of the recepetion where you pop in $5 or $10 and you get a flower from the region of the bride to pin on your clothing.

    Personally i think you should only give what you can - and you should not be ashamed if this is $20, $200 or $2000 dollars. THEY have invited you there, therefore your presence is the present

    Just a head sup about the $5 at the recepetion for you though!!

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