Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

[Sammiejane]

Smiles,

we are in the same situation as you - wedding in a few weeks. I dont like being asked for money, but i also understand that they have most things so $$ towards their honeymoon is more useful
We have decided that we will put money in from several people so that it looks like a big lum sum... They gave us bank account details so will transfer the money

Our rule with giving $$ is that we give about $50 per person (not including kids) so $100 from DH and I, as they would be spending at least that to pay for us to eat and drink iykwim...

I agree also that, you presence is enough and if you dont have the money to give a lot or buy an expensive pressie, well thats fine too.

We didnt judge anyone for the gifts we were given at our wedding

[briggsy's girl]

i totally agree that having something OBVIOUS if you're doing the money thing is really important!! we had a table with our cake on it, and next to that, a table with flowers, a decorated paint tin (we'd asked for vouchers towards our house renos - which 2.5 years later, we're still using up!), and cards put on it. it was easy to see, the reception staff were really helpful in guiding anyone that didn't see it - was awesome

a lot of people have a wishing well - something visible for guests...

[Aimz]

I was about to start a thread for something similar to this.

I have to say that I am not very impressed with a couple we know.

Their wedding invitation contained a little card which asked for a donation to their wishing well in the place of a gift. That part is fine - I have seen this many times. We won't be giving them money though - as I think it is a little rude and I have instead asked them if there is anything they would like as I would prefer not to give cash.

BUT...... I got an invitation to the Bride's hens night the other day and get this... She is having a ****tail party and on the invitation the wording said...

"You are required to bring: A bottle of Strawberry Liquer"

WTF????????????

I SMS'd her and asked if it would be ok if I just BYO as I'm not a fan of ****tails (they trigger my migraines) and that I would prefer to just sip on my JD and coke like I always do. She wrote back asking what she had "designated" me to bring.

Am I just old fashioned or are the words "required" and "designated" just down right rude when it comes to gifts?

[briggsy's girl]

we've had ****tail nights in the past where we've asked people to put in money towards the alcohol so that there isn't a huge expense on the person organising. i know a lot of people do it as each person brings a specific bottle of alcohol instead. i don't think it's rude to ask people to chip in, but i think the way this person has gone about it is probably not particularly polite.

we worded the invites in a way that said we'd be asking people to chip in, and to contact us. there was no issue with anyone as we worded it in such a way that it wasn't a demand, it was a request. we had one person decide they weren't going to drink ****tails, so they were asked to BYO. we had the drink that they would drink here, but if they weren't contributing to the ****tails the same as everyone else, there was no way we should be supplying alcohol for them.

[~clover~]

We had a ****tail night for my hens night & I asked everyone to either bring a bottle of something to mix, or what ever they prefer. I ended up with 4 bottles of Blue Curocao(sp?), 2 bottles of Malibu, Tequila, Vodka, Sambucca - YUK! - Plus everyone bought something for themselves as well.
I think we all thought the Blue was exotic & different!

We also asked for money at our wedding. We had lived together for 6 years & already had the girls. We wouldn't have asked for anything, but people kept asking what to give us. Thats when we decided on the Wishing Well idea.

We had a Chest instead though. Our cake table had a guest sign book, the chest & a photo album to sign all with the chest. Plus we left a pen, paper & envelopes there as well.
I had a few people just leave a little message. Most of them put the money in with the card. They'd sign the book & add the card to the chest if they wanted.

I also had a gift table at the other side of the Bridal table.

We got any where from $30 to $100. Mostly $50.
Our money paid for our Honey Moon.

[Aimz]

I think that if she had asked for people to chip in for the alcohol then that would have been fine - I probably still would have BYO as I don't drink ****tails. But it was the fact that she used the word "required" and then specified what I needed to bring - almost like I didn't have a choice in the matter. That is what I found offputting. She has even asked one of our friends, who is 27 weeks pregnant, to bring the Midori!! I just think the invitation was worded very badly. I have no intention of drinking any of the alcohol except for my own - and I am happier to spend my money on something I will actually drink than something that I won't even touch.

I hope I don't end up drinking too much... I might accidently let slip how I feel!

[Karina]

We did this for our wedding. We had already been living together for a little while so didnt really need any of the house type things as we had them already. The only thing for our house we really needed was a sofa... so we just asked people for a small amount of money so we could by ourselves a sofa. lol!

We werent fussed with whether or not people gave us money. A few people couildnt afford a gift or money and I was fine with that. It was more about them being there on the day. I dint care how much money we recieved.

We just had a wishing well in the foyer of the reception venue. People just put their envelopes in it and there was no pressure for them to have the envelope with them at their table and we didnt make any fuss or mention over it. I wouldnt have wanted to have put anyone in an embarrassing situation by having people come up to me and put the envelope in the box infront of me. But we also made it pretty clear to people that if they felt wierd about giving money then they can get a goft instead. A few people got a gift for us as well and that was cool as well.

I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable at this wedding. I do aggree that they could have done it a bit differently as it seems like quite a few people were uncomfortable with the way the money giving thing was done.