Babies Born April 1st - 15th 2008 #1

[Fire]

Leyla,

Human children are designed (whether you believe by millions of years of evolution, or by God, it doesn't matter) -- to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species, the fact that all higher primates (Primates are the zoological Order to which humans belong, higher primates include monkeys and apes) keep their offspring in the mother's arms or on her back for several years, the size of the young child's stomach, the rapidity with which breast milk is digested, the need for an almost constant source of nutrients to grow that huge brain (in humans, especially), and so on. By very frequently, I mean 3-4 times per hour, for a few minutes each time. The way in which some young infants are fed in our culture -- trying to get them to shift to a 3-4 hour schedule, with feedings of 15-20 minutes at a time, goes against our basic physiology. But humans are very adaptable, and some mothers will be able to make sufficient milk with this very infrequent stimulation and draining of the breasts, and some children will be able to adapt to large meals spaced far apart. Unfortunately, some mothers don't make enough milk with this little nursing, and some babies can't adjust, and so are fussy, cry a lot, seem to want to nurse "before it is time" and fail to grow and thrive. Of course, usually the mother's body is blamed -- "You can't make enough milk" -- rather than the culturally-imposed expectation that feeding every 3-4 hours should be sufficient, and the mother begins supplementing with formula, which leads to a steady spiral downward to complete weaning from the breast.

Sleeping through the Night
From:
Kathy Dettwyler's Thoughts on Breastfeeding
She is a very informed, experienced, nurturing anthropologist. The mainstream info we are given is largely incorrect. It started back when the Spocks of the child psych front insisted mothers "schedule" feeds, as bottle fed infants could go three to four hours and schedules were all the rage. However, back then (in my mother's day) many women couldn't breastfeed and couldn't figure out why, but it was the scheduling. Their kids were hungry and frustrated and their cries plugged up with a pacifier or rocking. Unfortunately, bfing goes hand in hand with cosleeping, otherwise long stints apart are essential to maintain sanity. I couldn't "Get up" all night to Ci! I'd die. So would all the other parents I know who don't pacify artificially or practise isolated sleeping.

I know it isn't much comfort to know it is normal while all our friends get all these chunks of sleep! I was very angry when I first learned and felt ripped off, like it was a secret kept from me until it was too late.

Night feeds are essential to keep infertile, too, for natural child spacing. Our milk is low fat, low protein, built for frequent feeds until solids are introduced. Even that won't change it that much for some babies.

from same site:

Is this convenient for parents? No!

Is this difficult for some new parents to adjust to? Yes!

No doubt about it, the gap between what our culture teaches us to expect of the sleep patterns of a young child (read them a story, tuck them in, turn out the light, and not see them again for 8 hours) and the reality of how children actually sleep if healthy and normal, yawns widely.

But the first steps to dealing with the fact that your young child doesn't sleep through the night, or doesn't want to sleep without you is to realize that:

* (1) Not sleeping through the night until they are 3 or 4 years of age is normal and healthy behavior for human infants.
* (2) Your children are not being difficult or manipulative, they are being normal and healthy, and behaving in ways that are appropriate for our species.

Once you understand these simple truths, it becomes much easier to deal with parenting your child at night. Once you give up the idea that you must have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, and view these nighttime interactions with your child as precious and fleeting, you get used to them very quickly.

BB has this on CC: the con of controlled crying

controlled comforting and sleep training

Trust your gut, hon. It will get better. I got Ci to go from waking hourly to waking two hourly to now waking three hourly (except from about 4am, when most babies start a feeding frenzy, which is, again - NORMAL ) by upping my intake of good oils and adjusting a few things in our daily life. How does he feed through the day? Is he taking in most of his feed at night? I have some other suggestions but I have to fly. This is what Ci does now:

Last feed at 6/7pm
may sleep/wake until 8/9pm - stays asleep all night, feeds while sleeping
feed at 11/12am (4 to 5 hours since last feed)
feed 2/3am (3 hours since last feed)
feed 4am (about 1.5/ 2 hours since last feed)
off and on from then on, sometimes he will sleep until 6 though.

Since my supply settled, he is getting more fatty milk also. He was living on sugary foremilk for the first few months of his life as I had such a massive supply. He wasn't getting the fatty stuff which helps longer sleep.

This too shall pass. Can you get a daytime nap? will he nap with you so you can get some day sleep?