Babies Born May 2006 #42

[shereejoy]

I am back. Feels like I haven't chatted to you ladies in ages.

How are you all.

Sorry I haven't read all the posts.


I saw my gyno last Thursday and bubs heart rate was 135bpm (7 weeks 2 days), and he said all looked well, no bleeding around or in the sac, the discharge I had was unexplained but believes bubs is doing well. I am so pleased. I finally feel like I can breathe. He wants me to have another scan next week, just to keep my mind reassured, but everywhere is booked out.....

So the low heart rate he explained was not really low and he said anything over 100 he would have been happy with (bubs heart rate was 107 at 6 weeks 2 days). I guess I was more concerned because I have lost a twin at 109bpm and on the scan report it said the hr was slow.

Sometimes too much information can be damaging to your mind huh.

Thanks everyone for your support so far, and I must say I have really missed chatting after being away for the last 1.5 weeks.

Oh and yes we picked up our new car - OHHHHHH soooooo nice........

Haven't had a chance to enjoy it yet, lachlan has been playing up something fierce yesterday and today. We went to sizzler last night for tea and he squealed and screamed the whole time and today in the car OMG!!! Surely this is not the terrible 2's already.... I am not at all ready!!!!

Not sure when I will get to read back, so please fill me in on what I have missed.

[Ilithyia]

Hi girls,

Well i am think i am ok enough to tell you all the details of Brileys surgery. Personals first though....

Sheree - Welcome back hun! Glad to hear that everything is aok with the pregnancy and bubs. So is it still the same EDD??? I hope so cause the 3'rd is my birthday!!! Car sounds lovely.

Jodie - Ooooo getting close now!! I am so excited for you. I logged onto MSN thismorning and noticed that your had'nt been online for ages and i was wondering maybe you'd already had the baby!!! Thanks for posting! I am so glad that Yariv's mum is here now. At least she will be able to help you out now and you can finally put your feet up and rest. Glad to sale of the salon has finally gone through. Another weight off your shoulders! I will be waiting eagerly for that special text from you!

Elissa - Its good to have a good cry is'nt it. I think part of the tears that came out yesterday was part of all the sh*t that i have been bottling up inside. But only a little part. I still have a few issues too work through between me and Brent and ofcourse just me. I have booked Brent and i into Relationships Australia for counselling. I realised that i don't want to leave him, i love him and our life and although we have our problems i really do want to be with him. Have you been to the Dr's about Archies cough??? Keep an eye on it hey. He could have a respratory infection. Glad to hear that he has been sleeping ok the last few nights though.

Tania - Nah i did'nt go in with her while she was being operated on. It was the before that which was hard for me. While they were putting her too sleep was the the worst. Brent was really good. I think he did'nt quite realise how bad it was until he saw me come out in the waiting room bawling. Later on lastnight when i got up the courage to talk about it more with him, i could see his eyes go really red and start to well up. He tries to act tough though. It was a quite an ordeal for us both.

Leanne - That is great news that your dad is off the oxygen. I hope he is feeling better. Scary about the heart attack though. I hope its only a once off.

Nat - Geez your one busy mumma lately are'nt you!! Oh BTW i got a call from UniSA yesterday. Apparently they are going to offer me a Special Entry which is where you do an assignment. Did you have to do this??? I was quite shocked to hear from them! How are you going with your studies?

Shazz - Congrats on your Cert III!!! How are your Doula studies going??? Have you started???? I have'nt started Module 2 yet. I passed the Module 1 exam with an 89% score. Was quite proud actually! LOL! Hope the ankle in on the mend!!

Hi to everyone else! Sorry if i missed any of you!

Ok, deep breath, here is what happened yesterday.

So i knew it was going to be bad seeing Briley in that way, i just never imagined it would be as bad, for me, as it was. We went in and were waiting to be called in and when we did Brent went in with her and i was quite upset cause i did'nt think they were coming back out again. He then brought her back out and i said that i wanted to go in with her. I was totally shi**in myself but knew i wanted to be there for her.

Briley and I went back into the patient waiting area and were finally called down to sit on a bed and be wheeled into theatre. I think everyone knew i was really scared cause people were giving me sympathetic looks and rubbing my arm and stuff. So anyways, we got in there and i was putting the mask(which smelt like bubblegum) over her face so that she would be a little more used to it when the time came to put her to sleep.

We were wheeled in the theatre and she was layed down on the bed and they gave her a pipe which i'd say had gas to make her a little drousy. This is where is goes bad. Briley was over playing with the pipe so they attached her mask to the pipe and had me hold it over her face. She started to get scared now and started to cry. One of the theatre nurses put a blanket right up across her chest to hold her down and i could'nt tell wether Briley was trying to move or not. I started to cry now but was talking to Briley and telling her it was all ok.

By now she was really upset and her face was really red. It was surreal because i could see that she was crying but i could barely hear it because the mask was muffling her cries. She kept looking at all of us like why are you doing this me. I was quite upset by now and then her cries turned to these wails. I really broke down now because she sounded like a wounded animal dying slowly. I kept leaning down and kissing her forehead and to try and cover my tears from the hosptial staff.

I looked up and her eyes were rolled back in her head but her eyelids were open. I began to sob and wail myself now. I kept trying to close her eyelid with my hands. I felt the nurses hand on mine and heard her so ohhhh cause she saw the Brileys eyes were opened. I will never forget the sounds that were coming from Briley.

The nurses were now saying she is asleep and trying to pull me away from her and take me out. I was bawling now and just crushed. As sick as this sounds, it was like i just watched my daughter dying slowly, and then when she fell asleep, she had died. It was the most abnormal thing i had ever seen.

I was then led back to Brent who saw straight away how upset i was and announced in front of everyone in the waiting room, was it that bad????. I asked him to get up and we left the waiting room where i fell onto him and sobbed into his chest. I was distraught. I literally felt as though i had just lost my girl. It was horrible.

I know it all sounds so dramatised but nothing prepares you for seeing your babies like that. Nothing.

Obviously she is fine now and the op had more of an effect on me than her. We came home at about lunch time yesterday and she slept most of the afternoon. After that she was completely back to her normal self.

So yeah that is the worst day of my life. Hope it was'nt too long!

Well i am upset again now so i might hit the hay i think. Mums group tomorrow!

Hope you are all well....

Night!