Belinda, cotton tree sounds great - but I would have to make it the week after. My mum arrives on Saturday and is here for nine days. we'll arrange it later next week ok?

AJP. Hugs darlin. I feel your pain hun. There is a lady on BB who lost her little boy the day before aston was born, and I feel guilty just because I have him, and she doesn't. Everytime I read anything she posts I tear up, and I don't even know this woman, other then what she posts. I cant even imagine what it would be like to loose a child, my heart aches just thinking about. You are feeling for your friend, and her loss, and that is totally understandable. Its wonderful that she is pregnant again, but must be stressful for her and you too. Try to remember when you are feeling guilty about the PND that everyone's journey is different and no two the same. While there may be similarities along the one, and people my be able to empathise with you, your experience is unique to you. Your PND has brought into focus issues that you have with your own childhood, and the experiences you had as you were growing up, ones that you want to be so different for Sophie. Are you seeing a counsellor by any chance? I found for myself that the best way to move through the pain was by talking about it, to a professional. The medication alone wasn't enough. It evened out how I was feeling, and the mood swings settled, but I didn't really start to get better until I did some heavy duty counselling. Even as I type this I am aware that I need to seek some more, as my daughter is moving into an age that I am struggling with - not because of what she is or isnt doing, but because of what was happening in MY life when I was her age, and I am actutely aware that I dont want the pendulum to swing dramatically the other way. Anyway darlin, hang in there, keep breathing in and out, and be kind to yourself.