Babies born~March 1st-15th 2008 #10

[prama]

poopy bit a kid today im so upset.. poor poopy and poor other kid.
they both wanted the same toy. luckily he didnt put any force in it.. i dunno if it;s cos he's sick and teething. the carers said the last few days he's been cranky and very tired.
i hope he doesnt do it again. they asked him to caress the other kid's arm and cuddle and told him the kid's crying as biting hurts. he gave the kid a cuddle and they were friends again.
we just feel so awful, that he bit someone and that he hurt someone as well.

[india44]

Aww prama *hugs* its sucks to be parents of a biter or bitee..but it is normal hun..very normal I promise you.As lakshman gets more language it will dissapear. Day care are handling it just the right way and its best to follow suit at home. We give most of the attention to the bitee and just make a really sad face and shake our heads saying oh poor....oh dear you have made him so sad and hurt you musnt bite. We remove them form the situation that provoked the bite and there is osme level of understanding to it. Sad faces have a big impact with any age. It may well happen again..even a few times but just handle it the same way. Biting usual comes form lack of language ( cant express quick enough a want or frustration) it can come from teething too. Dont beat yourself up about it..very very rarely does a child bite to conciously infilict pain upon another child its just quicker than talking is all. Day care will let you know if it happens again and keep an eye on the situations where it happens.It will be ok..20 years tells me this *hugs* for you and for poopys new learning experience even if its not such a nice one.
Oh and PS...its that time of the year. Children in care are pretty worn out about now. They have had a year of being told what to do by other people they are very familiar with routine and are testing boundries.Does your centre close for a while over xmas? will Lakshman have some time away from care? Its just like us at work we get snappy and tired when its time for a break.

[all girls]

Biting happens prama like Bron said don't beat yourself up about it. Summer was bitten at the creche on Wed and had a full set of teeth marks on her arm I didn't really get upset or angry about it (only thing that annoys me is the ladies there don't seem to watch the kids very well and don't know what who or how it happened) she also had a scratch on her face so these things happen.

Summer is talking so much atm can't believe we are all on the way to 2 scary stuff!!! We are starting TT now she has shown the signs to start so hopefully the split parenting situation will work for us.

I'm in a rush as usual so sorry for lack of personals
Hope you are ok SJ

[prama]

thanks so much girls.
i spoke to one of the carers this morning and she said it was outdoors and lakshman wanted a car another kid had. he's just so car crazy these days.
he got bitten a while ago, and yes it's heartbreaking both sides. and i feel so bad for the kid and his/her parents.

well, he better not do this when he's playing sport when he's grown up. haha.
and yes, they get cranky and tired and i think he's teething too, and that's an outlet.
tho some days i wish i could bite some ppl at work too.

yes, we have the last week of dec off. so that will be nice. everyone will be nice and refreshed. and we get real quality time with him at home instead of all the other times when we've been away.

bron - you are doing so well, 10.9!! woo hoo!!

trina - hope you are ok..your fb messages say you are going thru a bit ..

poopy isnt talking much yet, and yest is the first time he put 2 words together. steve was setting his vapouriser and he looked at me and said 'what that' I was so proud!

[danniellabella]

Jazz has been biting for a while but is not doing it so much now. At home I now give her a time out in her room if she does it to us. At daycare she gets removed from the other child and distracted with something else. The FDC lady uses diversion tatics when there is a naughty kid.

[Sammiejane]

Hi girls, just had my u/s and things look good - as in i have cleared most of it myself, hopefully no need for a D and C... I did give my body a talking too on Wednesday night "you have 24hrs to clear this now, i know you can do it, so do your thing' haha obviously worked as yesterday was a pretty full on day internally!!!
doing much better, feel almost normal again and happier

Sorry Prama about Poopy, nothing more for me to add, its a stage, i was a biter apparently, its just frustration...
No more smacking happening here, seems that the time out worked..
I thought i would metione that i read somewhere that you should only do a minute for each year they are... ie 1-2mins max for kids this age, otherwise it loses its impact - thought that was interesting.

Sorry Danni about your job, but at least your current one loosk safe - how is Matt doing?

Skye, off to read your thread now...

Trina hope you are OK

[prama]

sammie - hehe so good ur body listened to you

i dunno if time out will work for us yet. if we put him in his room and shut the door, he will cry and cry.. and if we dont shut the door, he will wander off.
do you shut the door?
but we also want to keep it consistent w day care.. so i dunno if he/we are ready for time out yet

[danniellabella]

I shut the door when I put Jazz in time out. When I go back in I make sure I stand in the door way so she can't get out. I then get down to her level, hold her shoulders and explain why she was in time out and that she has to say sorry. Once she says sorry we just get on with out day.

Yes she'll scream for a while while she's in her room, but hard as it is...I just ignore it for a minute and I tell Matt what I'm doing so he knows not to go in there because she's being punished. When one of us is punishing her with time out we let that parent finish the punishment so that we're not undermining eachother...mind you, I'm the one who punishes because she's a little princess for Matt.

[prama]

would you explain before or after time out? if before, then they'd know why they are getting time out?

[danniellabella]

would you explain before or after time out? if before, then they'd know why they are getting time out?

I would give a warning (1 to 3 depending on how patient I'm feeling). Once you've determined how many warnings you're going to give I would say something like "if you bite (or other thing) again you will be put in your room for some alone time"

When you put him in time out say "you have to stay here until you can play nicely"
then close the door and walk away. If you have to, set a timer for 1-2 mins so you don't forget to go back in and so you don't go back in too early.

When you go back make sure you explain it again but do it in a loving tone and give a hug. Make sure you are clear that if the behaviour continues that he'll be in time out again and IMO after this time, 1 warning before time out should be sufficient.

Now is the perfect age to start these things and they do start understanding quite quickly. I think though when Jazz is 2.5-3 years old I wont be doing time out in her room where there are toys, I'll probably put her in a boring corner...but this wont come until she can understand about staying put without the aid of me shutting a door.

[prama]

i found these articles on BB

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/toddle...d-your-toddler
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/toddle...tears-tantrums
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/toddle...no-to-tantrums

[prama]

i found these articles on BB

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/toddle...d-your-toddler
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/toddle...tears-tantrums
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/toddle...no-to-tantrums

[danniellabella]

I guess in the end we all have to try different things and find what works for us and our child. Each parent and child is different.

[~clover~]

Hi all. I'm home. So tired. Jaz isn't great, but she's alright. I did update the thread.

Prama - Jesse's a biter. I hate it too. He's done it more than once though. Its just whats happening here atm. He's sick of the girls taking things off him all the time & that gets their reaction best. He does it to my friends DS coz he taught Jesse how & they spend too much time together & are always fighting over toys...they bite each other. We can't leave them alone for 5 minutes.

I have to come back & read through properly, but I just want to say, in regards to discipline, I've never been able to shut the door on them. Not when they are sleeping, or in trouble. With Jaz I occasionally will. Bri I have once or twice, but never shut properly & she freaks out at the idea of it. I'm just not comfortable with it. Never have been, & really think at 20 months they are way too young for that kind of discipline. Each to their own though.

Anyway. I'm really really tired, so night all xx

[Sammiejane]

humm its such a hard one isnt it. Thanks for the articles Prama, they were really good.

I find the balance of gentle parenting and not raising a child that gets their own way to be difficult. I dont set unreasonable barriers and only really have a problem with behaviour that is nasty or hurtful. Really she is neither at the moment, but i worry that this smacking may get out of control if i dont teach her that its unacceptable.

I actually dont like the idea of 'time out' in her room at all as i NEVER want her to see her room as being a place of punishment, its for sleeping and play and getting dressed and i dont want her to associate it with being in trouble.

Prama to answer the question, yes initially i shut the door, but it was too much for her, so i stopped doing that and she walked out. I dont know how time out will work really... i think i agree Prama - she is still too young... Bron, Skye and Trina - other advice (as you have done this more than once )

[prama]

sj - i know.. how do you draw the line.. it;s very hard.
you need to be gentle but let them know you mean business and they cant get away with some things. and instil discipline, but not being too harsh, and then whatever you do, they dont bother anymore.
i;ve seen with my cousins, when their dad used to cane them, so much so that caning no longer scared them.

yes, bron, skye, trina maybe you can impart your wisdom ...

[Sammiejane]

yeah def a no smacking family here... i am sure that it has its place, but am a beliver that like breads like... iykwim

[prama]

yeah dh and i were both smacked.
i didnt think it was necessary and my parents could have used more reason, and sat down and had a chat with me. then again, my parents never really sat down with us to talk about any issue. never sat down and had a chat abt AF, boys, school -bullying, peer pressure. etc. some how in retrospect, it always seemed whatever happened was my problem even if other people started it.
no wonder i never chat about what goes on in my life w them, my problems etc.
then again my parents were too busy arguing and my mum always telling us her problems etc.
what a sad teenage life i had
anyway, that's off the topic.
i just hope Poopy will feel he can come talk to us about his day to day stuff, his problems etc. and he knows were are there for him..