we're not co-sleeping, but Joshua does love to take naps on mummy & daddy's chests, on the couch ... we let him do this, but have agreed not to co-sleep in bed.

so Josh is in his own room, and thankfully seems to be fine with it.

I'm a bit nervous about next week however, because DH is back at work from Monday, and I'll be all on my lonesome with Joshua all day ... and I'm still pretty beat up, and need extended toilet breaks throughout the day, plus salt baths, etc ... really not sure how this is going to work! But I will just have to make do, and keep moving forward ... will have lots of mummy time, but am worried /i will have serious cabin fever after about 4 hours ... particularly as I already had a whole week at home before Joshie was born! I guess I might get more sleep, by napping when Josh is down for a sleep

Today we did visits to both my and DH's work, and also stopped by church, to say thanks to some friends who have been praying for me over the past couple of days.

I was pretty tired after that, and slept in the car, and then slept at home after giving Joshua a good long feed.

He's so beautiful - but he basically falls asleep every single feed. We call it milk-drunk - and it literally happens pretty much every time. We've started changing him half way through each feed, to try to rouse him a little, so he finishes off his feed

To answer you, minimax - as far as downstairs goes, today was just feral ... will not go into details, but it was just repulsive, believe me. I'm still pretty down about it, but keep reminding myself that (1) I might get healed without surgery (please God!); (2) it's otherwise fixable with surgery in 2-3 months - a fair way away, but a lot quicker than growing a baby! (3) Joshua is healthy and just perfect; and (4) while it's gross and uncomfortable, it's not painful, and should start improving shortly, as muscles tighten up and scar tissue forms.

And today was a good example for me, that I can be out and about (with DH - I don't think I could have done it alone) and no one was the wiser about what's happening downstairs. It didn't smell, I just was sensible with not overdoing it physically, and frankly almost all the attention was on Joshua anyway. So I don't have to be too isolated

A couple of the people at the hospital (the dietician, and a couple of the Drs and midwives) seemed to be concerned that I have PND because I was crying a fair bit at the hospital ... I don't think that's it at all - I think I was just so happy and blissed out at home with DH and bubba, that to be thrown back into hospital with questions about my health, safety, ability to have more children etc all thrown into question in around 60 minutes flat just knocked me for 6, and I really didn't cope with it. Today I've been fine, no tears, no breaking down. So I think it was more situational - there was a big scare, and I was very upset, but now that I know what's going on, what the prognosis is, what the plan is for dealing with it, etc, I can deal with it.

I'm still not happy about it of course, but it is what it is and I'm able to cope now that I know what's going on.

And now I'm going to try to focus on the positives - like Joshua! - and just accept the nastiness as part of my daily life for the short term. The very short term, when viewed against how long I get to keep Joshua for!