What would make you want more sex after having a baby?

[BellyBelly]

I'm doing a poll for an article I am writing, and I am wondering which of these things would result in you wanting to have sex more often. If you could pick the biggest one for you, and if its several things, please do comment and let me know which other things you feel tune you out.

[glenny_c]

Sleep is the biggest thing for me but I think for me, I feel so unsexy after having a baby. I'm all stretched and saggy, I'm bigger, I'm tired so haior and makeup is minimal if done at all. PJs and trackies are the norm. It makes a huge difference when hubby makes me feel sexy. When he kisses me in "that way", when he touches me as he passes. If I feel like he thinks I'm sexy I start to feel it myself.

[Danielle_NZ]

Time away from the kids would help. If I got one decent nights sleep... I'm sure a morning with having to worry about them would bring on some fun times.

[beansbeans!]

I voted for more alone time, but really that translates to time where no one touches me. Between co-sleeping, breastfeeding, being a pillow, a cuddle bear, and everything else, I crave that time where no one touches me. After a week of the girls been more needy than normal I hoestly feel like I have been violated. And then by the time dh is making his moves on me, I cringe because its another invasion of my privacy.

[phebee]

I'm totally with you beansbeans and I only have one BFing DD and one horny DH, lol

[OceanPrincess]

Sleep.

Hands down, 100%, sleep.

[Teeki]

Easily, sleep. If I'm going to bed for anything, it's sleep! I also get distracted easily by the housework, so if I'm not sleeping when baby is I'm cleaning the house, but DH sees baby nap times as our sexy times. The one about more touch and affection from DH - it's the opposite for me. I have a baby/toddler on me all day, DH constantly throws in touches the entire day that frankly get quite annoying, and I just want to be left alone for a bit before I'm ready to be touched at all.

So, I need to be fully rested, in a clean house, with no one touching me lol.

[dusty]

Sleeeeeeeeeeeep!

[HotI]

Sleep
Time doing my stuff (sewing or studying) without having to juggle kids at same time
More Alone time

First time around was different, i was dealing with effects of being assaulted during the birth, and so none of the above would have made a difference. I needed to feel absolutely no pressure, and reclaim/assert ownership of my body and feel good myself before i was able to share myself (with anybody but baby).

[RainbowRiver]

Alot more alone time and better self esteem

[TaRhLi.]

Sleep is No 1 for me. I'm shattered at the end of the day after dealing with 3 very active children and doing housework, cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, washing, ironing etc that by the time it's bedtime it's sleep for me.

I would also feel more receptive to Dh is he realised that I work hard everyday and that it is 24/7 no break from the kids, he has the advantage of going to work and then comes home to dinner on the table, the house in order and little to worry about but play with the kids. He keeps telling me he would swap as I have it easy compared to what he has to deal with everyday at work - so a bit more appreciation wouldn't go unrewarded IYKWIM.

Also time on my own - I don't count grocery shopping as alone time - not having to think about what I would come home to would be great as well. If I do happen to do something for myself I walk in the door and the house is like a bomb has exploded with food and mess everywhere which Dh knows I can't stand. Really if I can manage to keep the house tidy each and everyday, how hard is it to tidy after the kids have trashed a room and then gone off to destroy another room.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I voted sleep.

But I'm really not sure it was my top answer. I would appreciate having to do less (so more help) which would lead to more sleep. I would appreciate more alone time so I could go to the gym and improve my self-esteem and energy levels. And some of it is simply that if he stopped the horny attitude maybe i would be more interested but when the attitude is sex-oriented rather than affection-oriented it honestly put me off straight away.

I am also struggling with needing my own time and space to make the decision and think that is to do with birth crap too.

Beansbeans post really resonates with me also.

[kateo]

I said more affection and touch.......he seems to have transfered that to our LO....not that I mind but I'd like some too.
I would also feel more "in the mood" if he recognised that being home all day and running my small business as well as keeping house and farm together and looking after LO is equal or more hard work than a full time job.
I would be a lot more "encouraging" to advances if I had the same number of hours a week to dedicate to my hobby as he dedicates to his hobby..........it seems my work on the week-end is the same as his "playtime" on the week-end........

[Astrid]

Can't really answer one. For me it is understanding, the rest kind of flows on from there. Understanding that I am tired, touched out, overwhelmed by housework etc I suppose acknowledgement of what life is like at that point in time.

[~ Mylitta ~]

Ok, I'll admit it. If my hubby looked a bit more like Will Smith I'd jump him more often

[Jennifer13]

Time together without worrying about the house, work, or the girls.

Also, pg is working for me. Before this pg, contraception and (trying and clearly failing) timing kinda made it a bit less spontaneous.

I guess time alone, followed by coming home to a tidy house with chores done, would also rate.

[blackduckies]

Sleep, more help around the house, then some alone time, sounds like a winner to me.

[Bella29]

I'm with beansbeans and mylitta. I feel touched out. I also have a hubby who spends minimal time physically with the kids. So he isn't touched out at all. And I also struggle with both he and I nt looking great atm. We have both put on weight and I love him to pieces, but don't feel as attracted to him as before.