Ali so sorry for your losses and your pain... I can relate somewhat, as this year I suffered an ectopic and last week discovered our baby's heart had stopped beating at 8.5 weeks...and I had a D&C on Tuesday. It followed two IVF cycles and we are devastated.
I just want you to know that you aren't alone...people here can help if you need to vent...and surround yourself with supportive people.
Loss is so hard and you need time to grieve and be gentle with yourself. In time it will get easier and the pain will ease. In the meantime, let the range of emotions you are no doubt feeling just roll through you.... I hope that when you are ready and the time is right for you, you will fall pregnant with your second healthy child.