Lost

[irishluck80]

I had a miscarriage a little over two weeks ago. I had some bleeding in the morning, went to the ER, they did an exam and told me everything would probably be ok, but when we got the sonogram, my little baby was head first and had no heartbeat. The doctors gave me two options, to have something implanted to open my cervix, or to go home and try to deliver on my own. I wasn't sure what to do, so we headed home. On the ride home, i went into labor. We went back to the hospital and since i had lost so much blood and my bp was very low, they rushed me in for a d and c. I don't cry as much lately, but I feel lost. I feel like my husband does not understand, no one does. I feel like I go through the motions of the day, but I'm not living. I feel so empty and so sad. That last sonogram picture will not leave my head. When people ask about what happened, I never say that I 'lost' the baby. I feel like it makes it sound like my fault, which I know it wasn't. I always knew where that baby was and I couldn't wait for him/her to get here. I don't know where to go or what to do with myself - I don't know how long I'll be this way. I guess I'm just trying to find someone who can relate, which it seems like there are a lot of people here who have had similar situations. I am so empty right now and I don't know what to do.

[joshnchloesmummy]

I'm so sorry for your loss, i had a miscarriage (ectopic pregnancy) last week which required surgery and i lost one of my fallopian tubes, i completely understand how lost you feel. Have you talked with your husband about how you feel? Big hugs to you

[irishluck80]

I have, but it just seems there's a disconnect there. I feel so mad sometimes because he seems to be able to just go on with life. I know you have to, but I feel stuck on that horrible and sad day. I have a little girl who's almost two and I am even more grateful for her now, but I can't shake that day. The whole day was just a very traumatic day. I had plans for this baby, a name, and I couldn't wait to hold him / her. The doctors told me that there was something wrong with the baby - possibly Down Syndrome, but we were ok with that. We just couldn't wait for this little one to come into our lives and be with us. I don't know. I just don't know.

[Winston]

I am so sorry for your loss. I 'lost' a baby myself about three weeks ago, I find it confusing all the grief and mixed feelings that rush through me unexpectedly and all the time. Let yourself grieve, I'm thinking of you, i hope your heart starts to heal soon.
x

[~ Mylitta ~]

I'm so sorry to hear about your little angel. When my angel passed away I felt very similar to you and couldn't bring myself to say that I "lost" the baby. I hadn't lost anything, I knew exactly where my baby was the whole time And yet it was equally devastating to tell people that the baby had passed away.

What you are feeling is completely normal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and each person grieves differently. Make sure you take as much time for yourself as you need, and don't try to rush yourself back into being "normal". Your husband may not be feeling the same emotions as you, or expressing his grief the same way, but I'm sure that he is just dealing with things in his own way. I thinks it's different for guys because they kind of have the view that they have to be the "strong one". And remember, it must be hard for him to see you going through all of this too. Maybe just explain to him that you need to go through this, and that what you need most from him is just his support.

My thoughts are with you, and I hope that with each passing day things look a little brighter. Watch your daughter play and smile and let the warmth of her love lighten the darkness in your heart. Take care of yourself sweetness

[chris]

I am sorry to hear of your loss...
Take time to grieve. Your hubby will be grieveing also, men seem like they are getting on with life but under that thick skin is a very sad man crying his heart out. My DH seemed not to be affected at all but it was just an act. Give him time/space.
I had a traumatic M/c as well and I am still having problems physicaly and emotionaly as I had some complications after the m/c.

Your in the right place to get some support from some women who have been where you are right now.
Take care
Chris

[Miss.B]

Irishluck80, I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family . Losing a baby is so devastating, a life changing experience, that you must allow yourself to grieve as long as it takes, and be kind and gentle with yourself. You'll need to let out all your emotions and believe me, that empty feeling doesn't go away, it gets easier to deal with with time. I lost my litle boy in October last year, and next week will be his due date. I thought I was coping well and have come a long way (which I have), but now with his due date approaching, I feel all the same emotions I did when I lost him. Your grieving will come in waves, up and down, but time is a great healer and that is a blessing in itself. You'll never forget your angel baby, your heart will always be full of love for this child.
I have a terrific support network with a couple of close girlfriends, that have helped me enormously when I lost Joshua. And of course, my DF has always been a tower of strength for me.
Initially with my DF, I used to get angry with him because I didn't think he cared as much as me when we lost Josh, and would always appear bright and bubbly around me. It was much later that I realised that he was dealing with his loss in his own way, and he was always happy around me as he didn't want me to see him upset and falling apart, because I had enough on my own plate. So in the end I wasn't angry with him for being uncaring, he is a very selfless man who just wanted to make it all better for me, even though his world was collapsing around him too.
Take care of yourself hun, and find comfort and support in each other and your close family and friends.
God Bless.
Beata xox

[kath26]

I can understand how you are feeling right now, and I am so sorry. I had my second miscarriage a couple of days ago and it was a traumatic time.
We have such wonderful hopes and dreams for our babies, and when all that is taken away, it is truly devastating.
I have a beautiful 2 and a half year old boy, and I have been finding comfort in him- cuddling him and seeing him laugh makes me feel very lucky.
My husband doesn't show much emotion, but deep down I know he is grieving in his own way.
Please take care of yourself, let yourself cry and talk to close friends and family. I have found that talking has helped me.
xxx
DS- 16/07/2006
M/C #1- 28/09/2008 @ 7 weeks
M/C #2- 04/02/2009 @ 9 weeks 6 days

[irishluck80]

Thanks so much for all of the support - it really means the world. When you go through something like this, it is easy to feel alone, but finding a place like this makes me realize that I am far from alone. I really feel that losing my little one is the hardest thing I've had to go through in my life. I was just so ready to have this baby no matter what and then to lose him / her. Today was supposed to be the day we found out what we were having. It hits you in waves, I have come to see this. I'll feel ok one day or one minute and the next I'm completely falling apart. I just want to say thank you for all of the stories and kindness. I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way, but sometimes I catch myself being happy and feel guilty. An example is one time a song I loved came on in the car and I started belting it out, and then stopped myself and began sobbing. It's as if I feel I haven't shown proper mourning or something. I don't get it.

[Miss.B]

oh sweetie, don't feel guity because you're still living your life! I was the same, I felt guilty even to smile after I lost Joshua, because I felt like I was 'happy' when I should have been sad because even though I was still here, my baby wasn't. But the truth is, we still have to live our lives, and if we're lucky enough to smile, be happy even, so soon after our babies have died, that shows that we are healing and heal we will. Whenever I smiled or laughed, I would stop and feel guilty, but then I relaxed and thought every time I smile or laugh, Joshua is looking down on me and saying, hey mum, it's ok to be happy, I'm happy up here and safe. That's what I know he would have wanted for me, to be happy again. He knows that even though I might have another child, he will always be my first born, very much trasured and loved and in my heart forever. That's where he is and always will stay. Whatever I chose to do in my life, it will not change for a single second how I feel about my son. He is the light and love of my life.
When I first discovered BB, I felt truly blessed as the girls here have been my rock of support and strength. I started in miscarriage, stillbirth & loss of a child thread, and the girls there were amazing. They have helped me to get onto my next stage, which is now TTC after late loss & stillbirth.
Please feel free to join a thread you feel comfortable with, the girls there are all amazing and a tower of absolute strength.

[irishluck80]

It's so nice to have people who can relate to you. I like how you say that no matter what you do with your life, it doesn't change how you feel about your son. I was just about to find out what we were having when the baby died. The whole day was just so traumatic, I still often can't get the day and its events to leave my mind - I guess I never will. I just miss my baby so much, I miss what could have been, and I miss having a little one to hold. I know that it will get better - it has to. I read in a prayer once, that the miscarried child is before God with a face resembling his parents and that he is the parents' intercessor. That made me feel some peace.

[irishluck80]

I am so sorry for your loss. I 'lost' a baby myself about three weeks ago, I find it confusing all the grief and mixed feelings that rush through me unexpectedly and all the time. Let yourself grieve, I'm thinking of you, i hope your heart starts to heal soon.
x

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a miscarriage around the same time I did. I hope that you are doing ok, and know that I am in the same place you are.