Hi Todd,

I've only suffered 1st-tri losses, but i have one daughter and i can only imagine the agony you and your brave wife must be suffering. I'm so sorry your beautiful daughter Elise had to go so soon.

I wanted to say to you that you weren't a daddy for a moment, you're a daddy now and will be forever. Being parents to a child that had to leave early is probably one of the most difficult things anyone can have to endure. It sounds from your posts that everything the two of you have done so far for your daughter (including coming here and sharing her life with us all) shows what wonderful parents you both are.

I agree with what others have said about taking your time to grieve. So many people expect bereaved parents to be dusting themselves off as if it had been an elderly relative they lost.

When a new baby comes into the world the lives of its parents and immediate family change FOREVER. It doesn't matter if that baby stays here for 38 weeks or 98 years. The impact is and should be forever. Though the pain of loss eases in time, the memory of your precious child will stay and yes, i think she'll be waiting for you both.

There are so many quuestions i know, and i don't have any answers why this should happen to you and your wife. In times like this i guess we all wish there was something we could say.

I don't know if you are religious people, i'm not particularly, but think that "Elise" means "God is satisfaction" or "Oath to God". Perhaps when she was done growing in the womb she was simply perfect, an oath fulfilled.

You are, all three of you, in my thoughts.

With love.

Hana