Hi Brockstar, so sorry to hear about your loss. I know how distressing it can be to find out that you have lost a baby and not known about it. I had the same thing happen in November '06 and it completely knocked us for a loop. I was in such complete shock that I said to the Ob to get it over and done with so that we could start trying again. Once everything had settled down and the bleeding had stopped, that is exactly what we did. 6 weeks later we were pregnant again and it happened again. Ultrasound at 7 weeks revealed no heartbeat. So another D&C. I sometimes wonder if we had waited another cycle if the outcome would have been different. It is such a knee jerk reaction to want to get pregnant again. I think somewhere deep down I thought that if I got pregnant again quickly, I could convince myself that the m/c had never happened, and that we were still carrying that baby. Like you I had other kids to look after and that was really hard as like you all I wanted to do was go to sleep and wake up when it didn't hurt so much. But I used my kids to pick me up, and threw myself back into my normal routine. When things were quiet and no one was around, I used to cry as much as I needed to. My poor husband was tyring to make me feel better but at the same time deal with is own grief over the loss.
The thing was, my sister was pregnant at the same time and was about 6 weeks behind me on dates. I couldn't look at her or even speak to her for months. Christmas was so hard as she had ultrasound pictures and I just couldn't deal with it. My husban had to tell everybody to not talk about it in front of me as it was still so upsetting. No one in my family had ever had a miscarriage or been close to someone who has and so they had no idea what to say. My mum made occasional insensitive comments which upset me a lot, but I had to remind myself that she didn't know what to say to make me feel better.
As time has gone on, and after the 2nd miscarriage (which testing showed to be a chromosomal abnormality) I have come to accept that these babies were never meant to be on this earth, but to be angels in heaven. Even now as I sit here typing this I am crying. Sometimes it is so hard to talk about, but I have found that talking to people, especially those who have been there before, really helps. The Bonnie Babes FOundation have counsellors which can help you as well.
The good news is we are now 2 weeks away from having our 3rd child and it has been a nervewracking 9 months. Everytime I have been to the toilet I have checked the toilet paper expecting to see blood, and even now at the end, I am afraid something will go wrong.
You will find many wonderful ladies here on BB who have been through the same experience and dealt with the same feelings and emotions as you. Don't hesitate to ask any questions or even just to have a bit of a cry/ vent/ whinge. We're here to help.
In the meantime, have some alcohol and some soft cheese (cause you won't be able to have that once you are pregnant again!) and cry as much as you need to.
Good luck
Kirsten