Goodbye little Caterpillar

[paradise lost]

You've done masses today!

I was the same, especially after the 2nd one, i just wanted to sit on the sofa and stare into space. I can remember that hopelessness, but it does lift eventually, i promise.

By talking and letting those who love to be loving with you, you're doing absolutely the best possible thing. The feelings of regret and counting the weeks you would have been is so normal hun. Only a few months ago i was on here talking about how i still miss my little angels and how i'd have a 5 year old by now! These things never go away but it goes from being a horrible burden to carry them to being something you're glad to do. When i remember my angels i think of how lucky i was. They only got to come to earth for a few weeks and they chose to spend them with me. Remembering becomes a privilege not a trial.

I think the candle idea is a beautiful one. Something you can light, see the living flame dancing, and remember that though we are parted from our loved ones for periods of time there is no Death in God's kingdom.

If we left someone for you to care for, someone who had suffered a terrible blow, an awful loss, you would care for them BW. You would make sure they ate, they were clean and comfortable, you would listen to them and love them until they healed. Care for yourself as if you were nursing this stranger. Grant yourself the same time and energy, compassion and love, as you would another in your position. You are a wonderfully compassionate person - extend that compassion to yourself.

ETA: I just remembered, when i lost my first angel my DP brought home one day a big teddy bear from a charity shop. It was 2nd hand and it smelled like baby. Holding it was incredibly painful and incredibly comforting at the same time. Getting something for my empty arms to hold made such a difference. I called the bear Henry and after mum died and DD was born my dad told me one day how he feels lonely in bed. Henry lives with dad now, so he has someone to cuddle in the night.

Love and

Bec