OK - here is an attempt to answer your questions.

In some ways, it helps to know that DH is hurting too. Yep - they do hurt, and more than we often allow them. They also express it in different ways and get through by *doing*. And you both need to recognise you do it in different ways.

I had on "oh crap!" moment last night when I remembered that my maternal grandmother had problems with blood clots her whole life. Can anyone suggest things I should focus on? What are the important things to know there? If they had clots, find out where there clots were and when they had them. My Mum had a HUGE clot in the big vein in the thigh just after my sister was born - I *blame* her for my clotting disorder, even though she has not been tested. Just knowing that information will direct the testing (but generally, they will test for clotting disorders as part of a full workup)

I've also started building a list of questions to ask the doctors. I have to know whether the spotting I got when I reduced the prednisone dose was relevant. I have to know whether the fact that as soon as I got pregnant sex became extremely painful is relevant. All relevant and all these questions should be asked - WRITE THEM DOWN!!!!

DH made an appointment with Dr S for us yesterday. August 8th Excellent - the next step. Good work!!

I'm having a little difficulty explaining to him why I still think I need it when both my rheumy and my FS have stated that further auto-immune testing isn't necessary. He's also wondering why the current FS can't do the testing that I'm wanting Dr S to do... and when you put it in those terms, I'm starting to wonder what it's all about myself. Any *idiot* can do the testing, it is the interpretation of these results that are important. I had borderline insulin resistance on one of my tests which may have significantly impacted on my ability to lose weight pre-pregnancy and also flag me for GD when pregnant. I had GD. I lost weight pregnant. What you are after is not the tests, but the interpretation of the tests and Dr S is the specialist who looks at the tests for specific issues relating to auto-immune disorders.

I think DH would prefer to stick to just one FS, as he has the whole story, and it's getting a little long and complicated now. I can see his point... but why was it ok to get a second opinion from a urologist when the first said surgery and DH wasn't happy with that? Ask him that. Why is a second opinion ok for the urologist but not for the FS?? It is often distressing to go through the whole information again and he may not want you to be hurt any further by having to talk about everything all over again. It may be his way of protecting you from further hurt. You need the chance to get all the answers.

And then there's the random post-D&C questions... is it normal to still be bleeding now? It's only very lightly, and very thin and red. I still have some cramping, is that normal? Yep - normal. Should be like a light menstrual period (although some have no bleeding at all, or very minimal. Should be finished in a day or so. Worry if there is a foul smell, discoloured discharge but otherwise it is normal.

How long until it's ok for us to have sex again? Not that I'm up for it, but I can see that DH is impatient for it... He's been so incredibly patient with all the spotting and pain while pregnant, and I think this is something he needs ASAP. He may need it - but perhaps not in the usual way you would think. It is a way of being close, a different sort of close that is (IMO) soul restoring. No other person can get that close to you, to share the pain. It is hard to express how much you love that other person and how much they mean and to share how much you are hurting. I cried the first time after Caitlyn (and after my miscarriage). Warn him about that chance. As soon as the bleeding has stopped (basically now) and you are ready.

You have taken the first step forward - and you smell good too Have a lovely day together and enjoy the sunshine. Small blessings make the world beautiful.