I am searching for something. I don't know what it is or where to find it. I lost my son at 23 weeks and 4 days due to hypercoiling of his cord. The cord split at his belly button and he died. I try explaining it to myself but it still doesn't seem possible. I would be due next month and I am having a hard time with that. I've read up on hypercoiling and I am in counciling but I can't tell if it helps. The more info I get the more upset I am that this happened. I want to try again but I don't know if I am all the way ready. My husband won't talk about it. All he can say is we'll see. I know it's hard for him I just wish I knew what he was thinking.
I still get angry at other pregnant woman, esp. those who aren't taking care of themselves. I want to shake them and ask if they realize how precious the baby is inside of them. I want to scream the next time someone says it takes time or this too shall pass. I know it's true but it doesn't help. I just want something to help ease this pain.
I know this is still "new" to me but I just want to be done with it. I know it sounds horrible but I can't help the fact that life as I knew it is over. I am more angry then anything right now.
I want to try again in the near future but I don't want to feel like it's a replacement baby or to cover up these feelings.
I have 2 wonderful healthy boys as it is and wonder if I should just stop. Maybe it was God's way of telling me that I am done.
Does anyone have any advice? Personal experience after having a child this far along and then getting pregnant again?