Spring Angel : Thank you for the kind words. Its bad enough losing him at 23 weeks but 36 has to be worse. I am so sorry.
I can see a small light at the end of my tunnel but it's reaching it that is becoming a problem. I am trying to do all the right things, but I am finding out that there really isn't much more I can do. I want to stay strong for my boys, and positive for my husband but it's so hard.
csab: I guess that is how I am feeling. I just want to TTC again and want that desire to feel complete again. My arms ache with such an empty pain that I can't even describe. I just know that it is important to make sure that I have given myself time to grieve. Some days I feel ok, happy even but then I feel like I am falling back down the tunnel and that is what is stopping me from wanting to try again. I don't think I could make it through another loss. My fear of going through this again, is too great. I don't know how you and all the other women survive more than one loss. But sharing like this helps. It helps me feel that I am not alone with this heartache.
Hi,
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son. I too lost my son at 24wks and I really feel your pain. There will be good days and bad days, for me it's been three years since Emmanuel was born sleeping and his memories remain always in my heart. I too wanted to TTC straight away, not to replace my son but I think the feeling of emptyness was so great but I also like you had a great fear of loss again and thought I'd never be able to cope with another loss. We had 3 healthy children already and it was hard to stay strong for them. I fell pregnant 8mths later and although I was so scared throughout my pregnancy we had a beautiful healthy girl who brings so much joy to our family, we were truly blessed. I just want to encourage you not to give up, it's a long and hard road but you will get there. Just take day by day and let yourself grieve in whatever way you feel. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping 24wks
Trisomy 13
Sweety, I too felt the same about not coping if I had another loss, but somehow I did cope. It did seem helpless, and I would cry day in and day out and I did not want to go on. I even sat there telling my DH that I didnt want to be here anymore. The pain was just too great, I felt like I couldnt breathe and if I did it hurt to breathe. The only time I felt capable of coping was when I was UTD, funny to think that, but it truly was. I just dont know how I would have coped if I didnt keep trying.
My DH handled things differently too. I believe it was because he needed to be strong for me and our 2 DS"s. I used to think that he didnt care, and that I was the only one going thru this pain, but they do feel differently. They arent the ones carrying the bubs, they dont get as much time to bond like we do. It isnt until they see and hold and touch their bub do they truly bond. We also are the ones that go thru from start to finish with a loss, so we feel it physically and mentally.
I know that the end of this pain seems far, but you are definately strong, it is amazing where us women find the strength but we do. lots of hugs
I am truly sorry that you are going thru this most difficult time. I only wish I knew BB existed when I lost my first, the people on here are just wonderful and offer so much support, I hope you continue to come on here, as you really arent alone.
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