mel--I'm struggling to control my emotions after reading Joshua's story. I wish I had the magic words to say to take away your heartache...like the others I'm at a complete loss for words. All I have to offer is my deepest, most sincere condolences for the losses of both Joshua and Nicholas. I can't imagine your pain...and to go through it twice is just so unfair! My heart breaks into a million pieces for you and your family! I know when I posted my story it was so painful, yet somehow healing...I hope that sharing your story with us as bravely as you did helped in some small way to alleviate your pain. Please allow yourself to be angry and to grieve. Although we've never met, I know you have SO many friends here at BB that care about you and are here to support you! Envelope yourself into the arms of those who love you and want to help you through these darkest of days. You're in my thoughts and Your angels are in God's playground forever watching over you!