ok long story coming sorry

first loss @ 7-8weeks suspected ectopic, after about 2 weeks of HCG testing I was told most likely ectopic, so we have 3 options, all required me to stay in town (200kms from home) montior with b/t, methotextrate injection, surgery...I was told method 1 was dangerous, so to choose one of the others I chose the injection, I was then whisked downstairs with a nurse to collect injection then take ot pallative care unit, I was like why am I here, nobody explained it was a chemo drug until the nurse was adminastring the drug I was then sent to my mums to wait it out...no explaination of what to expect ... all worked out in the end pg resolved quite quickly

second pg the induction of our Katy @ 21 weeks due to anencephaly ( I truly beleive had I been informed of the risks of injection for first loss we would not have lost Katy to this NTD) we went for our 20 week scan so excited at finding out what we were having, the scan was taking a while then another dr came in, looked at screen we were asked to wait outside I had no idea anything was wrong I did think maybe d/s it crossed my mind, we were then led into a office and told our GP would be ringing...no-one said anything to us (private hosp scan place) my GP gets on ph his first words were I'm so sorry your baby is not viable I literallyt collapsed in tears and my husband had to hear we had ot meet with a OB that day...they rang the public hospital we were told to go to A/E again other than it was something to do with her head we didn't know what was happening...we rock up to A/E we were then taken to maternity we still had no idea what was happening just that our baby wasn't goign to live, the OB came in and was like ok this is what is happening we will induce your pg, we were like woah!!! hold up...he then explained what was worng and I was like your not touching me or my baby, we went home to think, research find any info, we saw our GP the next day who explained everything he was wonderful, he sent us to councelling where we eneded up comforting the woman as she had birthed twins s/b @31 weeks 20 years earlier, in the end due to my declining health I had lost 10kgs while pg from being so sick we made that heart breaking choice, I must admit the OB was wonderful he was head of maternity and he doesn't normally do any day to day stuff his lackies do it all but he dealt with us himself we had the one m/w she was nice until I gave birth then she scooped my little girl up put her in a petire dish and showed her to us, with oh I thinks its a girl..and then left

ok be back later I am sitting here in tears thinking of all the things she could have doen to make that moment so much less horrible