i found out at 38 weeks that my baby had died, i couldnt believe that this had happened, i only had 2 weeks to go, i was so close then to be told that he was gone.....it was just the worst thing to have happened.
1 week later i went into the hospital to have him.......i was inducded at 6 and by 9 i was having major contractions, the first midwife i had was great she was coming in every 15 minutes to check my contractions and just to make sure i was feeling ok, but when she left i was left with a midwife that had no idea what she was doing, i was having horrible pains and all she could offer me was a heat pack.
From 4 until 6 i was in the shower just trying to get rid of the pain myself with the hot water but it was doing nothing at all, the midwife did not come in once to check on me and it wasnt until my partner woke up that i told him it was time for en epidural.
The midwife took me into the birthing suite and it was there she told me that i had left it to long to have an epidural.....i couldnt believe this i had no idea what was going on and i thought i would still have time as that night they told me that i still wouldnt give birth until late the next day, after alot of screaming and begging she finaly called the doctor...but to my luck she had called the wrong doctor which had never done an epidural before, im not sure how long after but the right doctor was called and i was given my epidural 5 minutes before the pushing began.
To add to the midwifes mistakes she also lied to the nurses and doctors and told them that she had come in to check on me a few times and she said that I was asleep in bed.
I gave birth at 7, the nurses washed my baby and brought him back into me...i am so glad now that i saw him but at the time i didnt want to see him, and that is the same with the photos i thought i would never look at them but nw i dont know what i would do with out them.

His funeral was on the 25th which was ment to be his due date....i just couldnt believe that the day that was ment to be the best day of my life turned out to be the worst.

This is still very recent i only gave birth 3 weeks ago, but i find that writing about it makes me feel so much better, iv gone back to work but think its a little to soon, people dont want to upset me so they avoid me which makes me more upset i would rather them ask me how i am then pretending like nothing has happened....it has happened, i was pregnant, i did lose my baby, i am a mum.....it did happen.

i still am in complete shock and will never understand why this happened, i guess life really isnt fair.

I love you and will never forget you xoxo