Dear Mandy, I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. Although I haven't been through what you have exactly I have lost twins and had the same situation with my husband. I didn't want to upset him but I wanted/needed some sort of reaction to the loss but I didn't get it. I would sob in the shower and come out with a smile, I hid it all. What I didn't realise then was that I had every right to greive in any way I wanted. I hid it all, the only outward sign I made was planting a rose for them in between my (placenta) roses that I planted for my other two children, but even that took a couple of years to happen, it's almost like I sneacked it into the garden. About six years after loosing them I went to a physhic and she told me that I had lost twins when I said yes she said they were wee boys and gave me two names that their carers on the other side called them by. I was hesitant to mention it to my husband but I did and he broke down crying. So you see that although they may not show it and feel they have to be strong for us they do feel it. They are just better at hiding it than we are and we were they ones that carried them which when you think about it there is NO WAY they will ever know that connection so we can't really expect them to feel it as deeply as we do. Now I have two candles sitting on the mantle in the lounge that we light on special days and cherubs around the twins rose in the garden, we put the twins roses inside when they bloom and my children know about them, and we can talk about them so they are still apart of our lives. I am going to get a tattoo in memory of them once I work out a design.
Please just allow yourself to grieve and dont give yourself a time limit, it takes time, letters like your take me back there again and I feel it as strongly as ever but I allow myself to feel now.
Please know that you are not alone, and that hubby is just dealing with it in the only way he knows.
Take care of yourself, Missy