a week ago today i was so excited to be going to my first ultrasound. i was 9 wks pregnant, couldnt afford to pay for first trimester downs syndrome screening so midwife organised dating scan to ease my mind.
after initial scan, sonographer advised internal scan, called in others and i was then told that pregnancy they were looking at was only 4-5 weeks still remnants of yolk sac, sorry no heartbeat.
this was my first pregnancy, my partner and i have been ttc for about a year and a half. we were so excited about conceiving we told everyone, mainly only a week or so ago, well we will know better next time.
spent 2 hours in emergency that night waiting to see an OBGYN, then had to go back the next morning for d&c.
was so in shock i asked no questions so i got no answers, only now are the questions actually forming and i dont know who to ask or what to do.
i only know that i have had a "missed " miscarriage because i looked it up on the net.
to anyone who reads this, i have read most of the stories here and they have been agreat comfort to me, also inspiring that we as women can overcome these sadnesses, i have a way to go yet but thaankyou.
StarrySky
I am sorry for your loss, I also had a missed m/c. What questions do you want answers for, maybe I or one of the other ladies who has had a missed m/c can help?
I am so very sorry to hear about your loss.
I am glad you have found Bellybelly though... there are so many wonderful people on here who will be able to help you with most of the questions you will have, and will also be a great support to you.
Lisa
thankyou so much, it really helps to know there are other people who understand, i dont feel so alone with all this.
the surgeon who performed the d&c rang me the other day and said all the pathology came back normal and no reason for me to not try again, these things happen blah,blah,blah...
i was reading on another site that missed miscarriage only happens in 1% of pregnancies, this doesnt ring true for me, have read so many stories of others losses, i wonder if my baby ever had a heartbeat, does the fact that there was still a yolk mean that it was a blighted ovum and not actually yet a formed being? i vaguely recall the sonologists saying something about a fetal pole, the size of the pregnancy was only 4-5mm ......... i dont know, the more clinical stuff i read the more confused i seem to get
StarrySky I'm very sorry your little one passed away. Sending you a big as you grieve and heal. There are a lot of very knowledgable women (and men) on these boards who would be happy to share their understanding and experiences with you, I'm sure. I hope you find the answers (and maybe even the questions) you need.
I am so sorry for your loss.... make sure you take care of you and DP.
I have had 3 missed miscarriages so I think the statistics that you have are incorrect. Basically a missed miscarriage is one that doesn't come away naturally, what I mean is getting your period which is what I think they mean with yours. The fact that they say 4-5 weeks. They have all these fancy names for things but you miscarried a baby no matter what. You were nine weeks (in your mind).... you were still planning the future of this child whether it was a blighted ovum or a foetus or a yolk. In my case if I had waited I would eventually have bled but I didn't want that I wanted a D&C so I could move on.... each to there own. Don't read too much at this stage you are still grieving and as you say the more you read the more confused you get. I got to the point where I didn't know who to believe....
Take it from me they only test after the third m/c so what the surgeon is telling you is minimal information. Yes there is no reason for you not to try again and isn't it wonderful that you can fall pregnant but it doesn't make the hurt any less. You had still started to plan....
You have come to a great place for support, the people here on this site are amazing. I come in daily for my fix of bravery and reality.
Please take time to grieve and look after you and your Partner. It's a really tough time for both of you but you will come through it.
Hi Starrysky, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss
No words I say will make things feel any better, so a nice warm hug will do
We're all here to talk to, so feel free to talk
Starrksy so sorry to hear off your loss. I also had a mc at 8 weeks and alos had a d&c, my partner had told lots of people also, that was october last year. It was suggested to me by obs that i have 2 months off trying and then try again, we are trying still hope to have good news soon.
Good luck to you hope you get the BFP very soon
Hugs for you, make sure you and your partner talk about all of this to each other.
StarrySky, I found myself in a very similar position to yours not long ago. After 19 months TTC and IVF we were pregnant and ecstatic. A scan at what should have been 8.5 weeks measured at 7 weeks and had no heartbeat. We'd seen the heartbeat only two weeks earlier. My FS explained that when the baby died, the sac would start to shrink, so the fact that you measured at 4-5 weeks doesn't mean that's how long ago that the baby passed away - it's because of the shrinkage. The testing that would have been done is standard - to check for a molar pregnancy. It is possible to get further testing done even after only one miscarriage (we are going through this now), you just need to find the right doctor to do it.
Now that the clinical discussion is over with... I am so very, very sorry for your loss. It does take time to move on from here, be gentle with yourself and your partner. BB has been an amazing support for me, and I hope it will prove to be the case for you also. I wish I was welcoming you to the site under much happier circumstances.
StarrySky, I am so sorry for your loss Take time to grieve for your precious angel and I hope you can find loads of support here to get you through. Take care :hugs:
Thank you again everyone, having a bad day today, last week seems like a nightmare, still having to ring people and tell them im not pg anymore, i feel sorry for them because no one knows what to say, but i can do it now without sobbing my way through it, deep breaths.......
a lot of people have asked me (or rather told me) to try again, you can always have another one, which is a bit heartless i feel,.
to tell the truth the thought of going through all that again scares the **** out of me! DP isnt keen either atm.
not to mention the whole ttc process, its all a bit heart rending, i think i will buy some condoms!
anyway, my bleeding stopped 2 days after d&c, then this morning i woke up with blood in my knickers, not a lot but has been all day, is this normal? i dont think i have af, not yet anyway....
I think it would be continued bleeding from the D&C - I bled (just watery pink stuff, very light) for a week after mine. My FS explained that it does take a while for hormone levels to go down enough for AF to arrive - and this will rarely happen before 4 weeks.
Bad days come and go. In time you'll find that you have more good days than bad... for me now, the bad days are caused by other things. I'll get upset/angry at my friends losing their babies than still be upset over losing mine... But it does take time to get to that point.
Would it be possible for your DH to help with the phone calls? Mine did most of that for me - cancelled my appointments, made new ones, told work. My work place were wonderful and the people that needed to know (admin type people) were told, and one of my supervisors told the people that he knew were my support group at work... It did make it so much easier to go back because of that.
I think I'm babbling. As hard as it is right now, know that it does get better in time. But be gentle on yourself and don't beat up on yourself for having a bad day. You need to get through them before you get to the better days which are ahead - I promise!
Take care, and keep posting - getting it all out, talking about it, processing your feelings - it all helps.
thanks BW, i think youre pretty spec, and not babbling either!
DP did alot of the calls to his family and friends, i felt like i had to be the one to tell my mum and dad, then mum had to tell all the people she had told ( i am the only girl in the family, poor thing was sooooooooooo proud!!)
i think i will go see my gp soon, see if he can explain the hormone thing, i just wish my body would go back to normal, i can still feel my bump and my bbs are still so sore.
Starrysky
Sorry to hear about your baby. Its not the nicest thing to go through.
I lost my angel 11 months ago and I am still having probs. I think of it as a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs and twirls etc. It can be very draining at times. Just take it a day at a time.
When I lost my angel I/DH sms everyone as we were not up to talking to anyone about it.
Also I found that my DH seemed to keep his tears hidden from me so in the begining I felt that I was going through it by myself. So if your partner seems to be holding it in he is probably hiding his tears. they don't like to cry in front of us girls.
I can answer one thing for you. "Fetal pole" is what they call a baby with no heart beat I think as that is what I was told I had. the hormones can take a while to settle also.
I under stand the not TTC again for a while, as I was told its best to wait for a few months to make sure everything is ok after the m/c. Your body has gone through a big ordeal so let it heal and let yourself morn the baby.
to morn my angel I planted a white rose in the garden and I was given a nao angel for my display case, I have also found a couple of songs (ballads) that help me when I am down and I sit and listen to them, and it seems to help.
I truly feel for you as I have recently been thru the same ordeal as you went thru! It really is a hard thing to come to terms with and I am at the stage of having tests and u/s's and even have to go in for day surgery to check if there is anything wrong with the inside of my womb (I am really worried about this as I am scared of having a ga).
I think it takes everyone time to get over having a m/c and some heal quicker than others, I had my third consecutive m/c and that one really hit hard, I was so hoping to bring that little bundle home, but it just didnt happen....
Im thinking of you and hope you start to feel better soon, all the best to you and your dp during this hard time
thankyou so much auntiem and lj268,
i wish i could forget the milestones iykwim, like today i would have been 12 weeks..........
the birth of my brothers gf child is going to hit hard, shes due same time i would have been
xxx
my story
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