I'm sorry you are in such emotional anguish right now. It is a heartbreaking, traumatic thing to endure and I am so sorry you lost your precious Jordan. No one could ever prepare you for the pain of grief. You need to allow yourself to greive in any way. If the hospital isn't going to provide couselling then I would recommend you find someone who will counsel you. This is such a lonely time but everyone here is willing to support you and be there for you.

When I lost my little girl last year, people tried to make me feel better (although I'm sure it was to make themselves feel better) by saying "at least you have your two children". It made me angry because to me, it negated the value that my little girl had. At the very least, I should have had her.

I'm sorry we have met this way but I hope you continue to chat and get the support you need right now.

Love to you,
Lynnette x