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Thread: in need of support ,new to the website

  1. #1
    4thekids Guest

    Default in need of support ,new to the website

    hi i just lost my baby jordan on the 19th , a little over a wk ago at 18 wks gest.
    I dont know where to go from here i feel alone so very alone and empty.
    Im trying so very hard to be strong and keep it together for my two kids sake.
    I dont know how much longer i can be everytime i feel like im coping and getting better i crash and i crash hard.I have recieved absolutley no support from any medical professional they all tell me not to worry im still young and ive got two kids.Its like ive got no right to be upset they continue to tell me look on the bright side it could of been worse, or theres so many other hard things a woman can go through.Even though i was supposed to be 18 wks i measured a few wks earlyer with no heart beat.For this reason because it turned out i wasnt actually 18 wks it apparentely wasnt a big deal.I was sent home only to return a few days later haemorraging and in full blown labour.Anyway im just so over this bullcrap any loss is a loss and everyone has the right to grieve.I dont know where to go from this and how to deal with this please can someone help.


  2. #2
    bekyj2 Guest

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    first of all i want to say hi and welcome to BB
    i am so sorry to here about ur loss u r in the right place everyone here on bellybelly. there have great support to everyone that is new and you can wrtie about anything that u feel and people with add comment and always be there to help.. everyone on here helped me alot.
    take care of youself and remeber that we are all here if u need us....

    Me 17 Partner 18
    Tyson and kate 15th of march 2006. 8 w 4 d
    Hydie 18th of sep 2007 5 w 5 d

  3. #3
    feeb's Avatar
    feeb is offline Thankful for the kindness of my 2012 RAK making me Life member

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    So sorry to hear about your loss. HUGE Hugs to u!!

    Belly belly is the best place for support and info.

    Hopitals are ment to offer u counselling and social work support when u have a loss like that.

    I will (along with everyone else on belly belly) do what ever we can to help and support u in your time of need.

    xoxoxo

  4. #4

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    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    I think that's such rubbish from the medicos in terms of don't worry etc etc... you have the right to grieve, and it must be so hard still trying to cope with life and everything just chugging along while you feel foul inside. No one has the right to tell you to look on the bright side, all you can do is deal with what's going on for you!

    I can't say anything that will fix this for you, but I wanted to post, because I posted my own m/c (9.5 weeks) the other night and was desperately waiting for answers (which came). I received messages of support, and caring and hugs which meant the world to me. So I"m passing it along to you... huge hugs and take care. Posting here is great, there's heaps of support.

  5. #5

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    I'm sorry you are in such emotional anguish right now. It is a heartbreaking, traumatic thing to endure and I am so sorry you lost your precious Jordan. No one could ever prepare you for the pain of grief. You need to allow yourself to greive in any way. If the hospital isn't going to provide couselling then I would recommend you find someone who will counsel you. This is such a lonely time but everyone here is willing to support you and be there for you.

    When I lost my little girl last year, people tried to make me feel better (although I'm sure it was to make themselves feel better) by saying "at least you have your two children". It made me angry because to me, it negated the value that my little girl had. At the very least, I should have had her.

    I'm sorry we have met this way but I hope you continue to chat and get the support you need right now.

    Love to you,
    Lynnette x

  6. #6

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    Dear 4thekids,
    Sweetheart first of all I'm so sorry for your lose
    This is a sad thing to happen no matter how many weeks your precious little one reached. Allow yourself time to grieve, there is not set time limit. It is a sad but to frequent thing, that people put their feet in their mouth when it comes to trying to comfort the grieving.I'm please that you started this thread there are a lot of wonderful supportive people here at BB, hopefully you will feel their warmth over the coming days. I found that it helped to make up a little keepsake box to put some special things in that remind me of my little angel, maybe you could think of something special to you. big hugs.

  7. #7

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    I am soo sorry!!!!!
    If you were up in Newcastle I could tell you where to get help.
    If your hospital is not helping you, go to your GP.
    You need to be refered to see a counceler and then they can refer you to other services (well thats what happened to me).
    I was alot like your story I was sent home only to start m/c at home and heamorraging, the baby was born in the emergency resus room. I was only 11 weeks and it was bad enough, at 18 weeks you went through hell!!!
    If you can try and get a ref to the Royal womens hospital they should help you.

    Take care
    Chris

  8. #8

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    I am so sorry for your loss, Sending you big hugs!

    Please take the time to greive, you have every right!

  9. #9
    4thekids Guest

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    firstly I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words.I never expected a reply let alone so quick.It's good to know even though I seem to be getting no support from most of my family ,friends and all those medical idiots there are still supportive people out there, even if they don't know you from a bar of soap.
    It comforts me to know that maybe im not alone.I never realised how common things like this are and I guess once you get past that magical 12 wk mark you think your in the clear,how wrong was I.
    I think its not just the fact that you lose your baby along with all of your hopes and dreams, its the whole situation and everything you have to go through.
    I know this is gonna sound dumb but i feel traumatised from the whole expierience.It came on so sudden one minute I was wrapping xmas presents the next I was bleeding and cramping and off to the hospital only to wait and be told I had to go home and miscarry/labour on my own.Then a couple of days later i suddenly started haemorraging bad so back to the hospital I was by ambulance.They literally held me down and tried to pull everything out with tong like things trying to stop the blood.That was the worst experience of my life laying there feeling helpless in absolute pain freaking out cause they couldnt stop the blood, which kept pouring out.All I could think about was my poor kids and what if a they cant stop the blood.Off to surgery I was , thank God they could stop the blood.So so sorry im rambling now I think i needed to get that off my chest feels so much better now that I've typed it out.Anyway thank you once again for your support I feel very comforted in knowing that im not alone.

  10. #10

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    so sorry to hear your sad news and what you have been going through, send you a big hug.

  11. #11

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    so sorry to you.
    Mourn your loss.
    You will find great support and caring people here.
    sending you hugs

  12. #12

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    Just wanted to pop back in and see how you are, It was great to see so many of us were up late last night and that you were able to get some support. Don't feel like your rambling on, it is important for you to be able to express how you feel. Big hugs

  13. #13

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    Oh no, you poor soul.. I am deeply sorry for your loss.. I too, came to BB in need of support, and boy, did I find it.. I am so glad that I have all of these lovely ladies in here to chat to at any time of the day. Take care xx

  14. #14

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    I'm so sorry for the loss of your angel, Jordan. You have come to a wonderful place where you will get so much support.
    Be gentle with yourself and sending you heaps of hugs.

  15. #15

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    Oh my goodness, if you need to ramble, this is the place to come. Or if you need to vent or cry or scream. It's a terrible traumatic experience you went through and it was compounded by people who are clueless about how to talk to women who've had obstetric losses. And besides, no matter how many children you have you can't stand to lose any of them!
    My prayers and best wishes to you and a cyber hug. Keep us posted how you are.

  16. #16

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    i am so sorry for the loss of Jordan. your post sounds like you went through a traumatic, life threatening situation. these situations can cause post traumatic stress disorder, and certainly cannot be erased by the few pathetic words offered by your doctors. please take the time to fully grieve your loss and to deal with the emotions that will arise in your grief and stress. i am so sorry you must live through this pain, and wish i could tell you an easy way to get through. it seems, though, that only time and allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling are the only ways to feel "better". you will always be Jordan's mom, and you will always love him as much as your other children. of course you grieve him and want him back. people often offer those comments without thinking, because they have heard them before or just can't think of anything else. i like to think they mean well, so i just nod and move away to someone who can understand my pain. please take good care of yourself, and find the support you need. bb has really made a difference for me, please join if it will help you. again, i am so sorry for your pain. xxoom

  17. #17
    4thekids Guest

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    hi thanx so much again for your support words cannot express how words from selfless caring strangers have made me feel.After arguing with my gp I have got a referal for a psychologist which I will be attending today.I have realised that maybe I do need to speak to someone about the whole situation in order to move on and grieve without affecting my poor kids.Im actually very nervous I guess im scared the psychologist will be just like every other dr and nurse.I'm not looking for answers or pity I just want the right to be upset ,to yell if i need, for someone to say yes it's nto something little.I dont know I guess I don't know what I need or want , I just know I have major butterflys in my stomach.
    Thanx again so so so much for all of your support and heartwarming comments and well wishes it did and forever will mean so much to me.I'm so sorry for all of your losses and I hope you have all recieved just as much support as you have all given me ,thanx again wish me luck.

  18. #18
    4thekids Guest

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    I just wanted to say I'm so sorry I feel terrible as what I have experienced has been nothing comparde to so many of you and I feel quite selfish winging when compared to alot of you I was lucky, the dr were right in that.So if I have offended any of you I am truly sorry I have have no idea how It would feel to have a loss and have no other kids at home keeping you strong.I definately have absolutely no idea how it would be to loss a baby late in the pregnancy either.So I am sorry if I have offended you once again, sorry.Thanx for your support

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